A few things about me

Archive for March, 2006

“No room in the Inn”

……for the unskilled african immigrant trying to enter Europe. I am
sitting watching a documentary about it and I will be back later to
post more.

I have just finished watching the show "Living with Illegal Immigrant".
The program was presented by Sorious Samura a Sierra Leonian journalist
now living and working in the UK. To find out more about the program and more of his documentaris visit:
http://www.insightnewstv.com/

I have soo many thoughts on this issue I do not even know where to start.
Wherever I watch anything about Africa or Africans I always find myself
holding my breath in anticipation of something. It is a feeling that I
have noted most Africans I know have when we watch issues on TV about
us!!

The feelings are shame, guilt, anger, relief and a sense of superiority. I feel guilty for admitting this, but there it is.

Today's show saw Mr. Samura join a group of African immigrants at the point
where Europe meets Africa i.e. somewhere in southern Spain. From there
he begun the trip to the "glory land" United Kingdom. The final
destination for African Immigrants. It is a sad sad story. One of
humiliation, desparation, hunger and betrayal.

I cannot help but question why us? Why Africans. Why are we always
seemingly at the
bottom of the barrel. There is no denying that in the Continent that is
Africa lags far behind western nations and the tiger nations of Asia. I
have explored every possible theory and still cannot accept the
explanations given. From exploitation by colonial powers to the cycle
of civilisation… sorry, I ain't buying it. For some reason our
standard of life on the continent sucks. We die of AIDS due to our own
ignorance. We kill each other due our greed. We have had 40+ years as a
continent, bar South Africa and Namibia to try and get the whole thing
right and countries like Zimbabwe the only beacon of hope go ahead and
self destruct……..

Yet at the same time we have so many things that are uniquely beautiful and African
and make me proud to be African and more specifically Kenyan-Ugandan.
……. I am rambling.

Back to my feelings. These programs of home (as I call it) are
always about starving kids, unbelievable
poverty, famine, immigration and butchering each other.. The positive
shows are always about frigging animals. "The Elephants of Samburu"
"The Lions story" blah blah blah. Like we have only two stories. No
wonder the average European sees the African as starving child
needing a saviour. The image is not balanced and because it is not, I
sometimes feel aware of myself as a black person and think everyone is
looking at me and judging me for being here and sucking up tax payers
money. Never mind I or rather my father contributed thousands of pounds
to the economy by way of school fees. Or that I have been employed ever
since finishing school.

I feel I have to justify my presense in Europe and yet, I am
rightfully here and a part of me tells
me I have every right to be here why feel guilty. The superiority
comes in when I see "those Africans" (to you, the immigrants) and feel
well at least I am not like you, I got my papers right, I came on a
plane etc…and it is wrong. I understand why they do it, I know why
they do it and who am I to deny someone the right to a comfortable life
the only way they know how…..

I am not making sense…. to close to the situation… I need to go.

To all the immigrants. Good luck. Like the man said on TV today

"In Dafur they shoot you… pam! In Europe they kill you slowly every day you die a little"

Theargument for and against illegal unskilled immigration into Europe is a
dialogue I have not strenght for. Been there done that and my
opinion is in here.

Goodnight. Gotta pack.

 

 

 

Anger!!!

There is a deep seated anger in me that finally seeped out yesterday and made its presence known.

I am angry and certain things in my life and yet there is nothing I can do about them. Things are as they are and ugh!!

2 weeks and counting and I should be in a place that gives me some level of peace. At least one of the things annoying me will have been solved.

Big Al if you read this. I miss you loads.

To health and life!

Good Health

In past 3 years I have gained an appreciation for my health and have developed a true understanding of the saying “Health is wealth”.

Recovering from chickenpox has been a rollercoaster. I am espeically proud that I was not a grumpy sick person. I have a tendency to feel extremely sorry for myself and those who refuse to join the party tend to be black listed in my books… hey… I am human!!

The road to recovery seems frought with all sorts of little niggling things. On Thursday an itch that surpassed all itches was upon me. Friday was just horrendous, if you saw me on the streets you would have thought I had been plagued by some unknown itch mites. Saturday the horrendous became horriblous.. I was almost at my breaking point, then Sunday it begun to subside and today has been a good day.

Now I seem to have some upper tract infection. My research on rusty phelgm (nasty stuff… bear with me!!) has scared the bejees out of me so I have kinda left that alone, but my throat feels funny and strange.

Lord, I will do whatever You want, just get me well. Amen.

God and Christianity

I was brought up in christian home. Not a particulary religious home, but we prayed and went to church. I went to a missionary founded high school and being Christian or “savedee” was a cool as cool could be. Since then I have had an on and off relationship with God and Christianity.

At this point in time we are on. However this time it is with a difference. I figured if I am going to believe in something, I may as well research it and know EXACTLY what I believe. So I have delved into the realms of a History of Christianity.

A lot of what I am finding is raising more questions that  answers. As part of the research I have also been reading the bible. I have a funky pink bible called ICONNECT. love it. Its very girly! I am about to finish the book of Isaiah and Romans. Of the new testament, I have completed John and Luke.

I have been reading the bible with two mindsets. One as a researcher and the other as believer….. …..there is just soo much. e.g. Was Isaiah meant for all of us Gentiles or only for the Jews? Who wrote it? So what if the critics can’t decide who wrote it.

How did the bible come to be. Is it myth, allegory, the insprired word of God. Why do I still believe inspite of all the questions asked. Does the trinity exist. Is it even important. Do I have to take a stand on the whole trinity thing! Why so many sects of christianity. Starting with Peter the Apostle and Paul the convertee?? Huh Huh?

The main thing I ask myself-

  • Do you believe?
  • Is God real to you

The answers to those questions pretty much will dictate my stance. But another questions beggars answering

  • Why do I believe
  • What is the foundation of my faith
  • Do I know the history of my faith……

And so it goes….

Teeth Cleaned

My second trip to the dentist. Only this time I saw the hygenist and had my teeth cleaned. They feel really clean and the gums feel itchy in some parts, like I want to put my finger between the teeth and gum and rub the itch away. Don’t want to eat anything. Afraid to mess them up. The last time I had them cleaned was about 4 to 5 years ago. Apart from the cosmetic issues I could actually see the build up of plaque/tartar and that was getting on my nerve. For the past 3 months there was like a little nudge in my mind and it kept going “get your teeth cleaned.. get your teeth sorted out”. Very pleased with it all. Tomorrow is my last visit. Maybe I will bleach maybe I will not, the jury is still out.

Got to find a way to keep busy today. So see ya later.

Dentist Visit

Finally after so many efforts to see a dentist in the past 2 years, I finally went and saw a PROPER dentist. With all the extreme make up shows on TV, I will admit my self esteem had been taking a beating everytime I happened to think about my teeth.
I was raised in a part of Nairobi that is renowed for the excess fluorine in the water and so me, my sis and other kids and adults had our teeth looking like this (click on link to see images). A lot of kenyans have teeth like this.


http://www.fluoridealert.org/dental-fluorosis.htm

(still trying to figure out how to make the link into one word…..)

The dentist was fab. He is a Kenyan-Asian so he knew what he was looking at and engaged me in the whole issue. Asked me what I thought caused it and I told him. And he confirmed that I was right. I had believed it was also caused by tetracyline but he said tetracycline cause grey discolouration etc. Unlike another idiot I refuse to call a dentist who said to me the reason my teeth were discoloured is because of the fact my lips don’t meet and so at night when I slept the air was against my teeth and in the long run caused the discolouration. This dentist was an NHS (british medical system) dentist. I never went back.
I also learned something new. I have an overbite that is 8″ apart where are the normal overbite is 4″.. ok maybe he didn’t say inches but centimeters. So he asked me if I wanted braces. Still thinking about that.

All in all my teeth are strong and in good shape apart for some little little work required. So I go back tomorrow and then on Friday he gets to see me to arrange for the bleaching. Good dentist said I did not need veneers. Was never going to go for them anyway. So I am really really happy with my new dentist. Two of the teeth will require bleaching at the dentist but the rest is all good.

Did I say I like my dentist……..

Sick leave & Letting Agents

Last night was the first night. I now have 41 more nights to go.

So I called my boss today to make sure that we both were on the same page regarding my sick note. I have to go back to work next week. I am a little worried as how to occupy myself. But there is so much to be done in the interim, that maybe I should just chill out and return when the sick note expires. A trip to London is eminent. And I need a day off, so maybe I will hang on. The pox marks have crusted and dried. Some on the body are falling off. My face is semi-presentable. Foundation and powder seem to be doing the trick. Not that I have tried the foundation. just the powder.
I am not happy with the letting agents. Today I was pottering around the house….. had just finished cleaning it, when I noticed there was this lady manga-manga-ring(loitering) outside my house. Since I took the oath to be a nosy neighbour, I opened the door and asked if I could be of help. She stated they, another lady had joined her, were here to view the house. That in itself is not a problem at all. The problem is that the letting agents did not call me to notify me of this. I let them view. Two nice young women and they had a look and went away.

……………I have just called the lettings agent and she seems very surprised because there is already an application on the house. There was no appointment to view the house. Foolish Foolish me.. I let them in… well now I know.  Nobody comes in my house  without an agent.

Scary!