A few things about me

Of Men & Women

I have noticed an interesting phenomenon here in Denmark. A lot, and I mean a lot of Danish men are married or in steady relationships with women from Orient-Asia. Most of the women are from Thailand and Vietnam. In my class there are 3 Vietnamese women 2 married to Danish men, one is on her 2nd danish man. Last Sunday while at a resturant, I observed an Asian woman and her husband and thier two children. I cite these specific examples to put across the fact that there are quiet a number of interracial relationships made up of Asian and Dane men.

Now the interesting thing I noted was this. The ladies in my class do not speak English and obviously are in Language school cause they do not speak Danish. The question that has been plaguing my mind for some time is this

“How do they communicate and what is the foundation of the relationship”

So last night Big Al and I got to discuss the issue and this was his response to it. (I will try my best to convey what he said

“Men who go into these relationships are not looking for communication per say, but rahter looking for something else. They may be looking for a warm body to lie next to, someone to keep the house clean, iron clothes and maybe give children. The need for conversation and to talk with someone is simply not an issue. Companionship means different things to people. To me such men are no different from intelligent lawyers, doctors, professors, who go ahead and marry airheads or a dull woman. These people want an uncomplicated life”.

My mind is finding it hard to grasp this. I cannot, for the life of me imagine myself with someone whom, I cannot share my dreams, fears and heart with. I agree that there is need for balanced conversation and every conversation cannot to intellectual etc. Sometimes it has to be frivolous and stupid and non edifiying to the body and soul.. you know like conversations about what celebs are wearing… But I need to be able to disccuss my feelings and opinions on the news with my hubby and critique a movie.. not simply say “the movie was good or bad”

What do you think??

Comments on: "Of Men & Women" (19)

  1. There is that and the fact that white men have always had an asian fetish!The sad thing is that you dont see anyone running after the asian men, poor dudes!

  2. Apparently there are people to whom the conversation does not matter, and surprisingly the marriage lasts because you have only one goal the other things that come with it companioship and all are secondary.

    I thrive on conversation, if I had to live a life remotely similar to the one you describe I’d go crazy!

  3. interesting! many vietnamese speak English and I guess the Danes too ama? so I assume it’s that until the dame learns Danish.

    well, I have heard some very hilarious reasons why not only the Danes but most Europeans go for Asian women. It’s a matter of ‘size’ compatibility.

    That is what I have heard, not my opinion!

  4. Could be that unexplained desire to sample what’s erronously referred to as “exotic” or in layman’s terms “different and often unattainable”

    I need to be able to express myself fully & without researvation so this kind of match-up wouldn’t work for me.

    Did someone ask about Asian men being given the cold shoulder? i’ve wondered about that too,lol!

  5. Aco, ati Asian men are given a cold shoulder hehehe

    I would go crazy too in such circumstances but do the chics seem to mind

  6. You underestimate the power of a warm body to lie next to.

  7. ISABELLE said:

    Wow! First of all I would like to thank you for your post on Expat.net in response to my introduction and request for information. I really appreciate the questions that you posed to me. I say ouch….Everyone that has posted seems to be having challenges with adjustment. I have lived in a lot of places, I am multiracial, black in America, so I know how to blend in, how I am different, how to relate to all sorts of culture. To deduce from this that i know how I will survive in Jutland, in a small town? No idea. I’m a big city girl. I am fortunate to have business contacts in Aarhus but have no idea where they will take me. I am also very fortunate to have someone who is gainfully employed. I haven’t been dependent on anyone else since I was a child so I have no idea how I will cope with that but the good thing is I won’t be financially dependent at least not at first. As far as knowing who I am and being grounded, I have done some serious hard work on my soul and I know where I stand. Am I prepared? Not in the least. I cannot fathem what it will be like. I will keep reading your experiences and hope to learn from them again thank you for the contact. I will be in DK next week for a visit. The final decision visit. Wish me luck.

  8. Isabelle,
    Good luck and I am sure it will work out… as long as you want it to work out.. enjoy your time in here as you visit.!!

  9. Lingyan said:


    First to introduce myself. I’m from China and now living in US. I stumbled upon your website and enjoy it very much. I have seen or heard numerous posts and comments on this topic. To be honest, I find it’s quite offensive. Maybe it’s the weather, I suddenly feel the urge to ‘say’ something. Not towards you. And I hope I myself don’t sound too offending.
    1. Asia is a big continent, just like africa. We have east asians, i.e., Chinese, Korean, Japanese. South asians, like Indian, Pakistani… Then southeast asian, Vietnamese, Thai… People from these different regions are DIFFERENT in terms of culture, language, religion and physical appearance. Now it’s my turn to ask ‘what do u mean by asian women, asian men?’
    2. Nowadays, there are more and more interracial relationships or marriages. However, it’s not the majority. People still tend to marry someone from the same background. It makes life easier. I believe that most Danish men end up marrying Danish women.
    3. So what attracts these Danish men to the southeast asian women you mentioned in the post? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t believe it’s 100% just for having someone to lie next to, or for cleaning, cooking and birth-giving purposes. Get a maid instead! If it’s true for some men, I feel bad for them because they will regret in the end. These women are not robots. They have a soul. They have a need for expressing themselve or for people to understand them.
    4. This is for those who commented on asian men. Again, what asian men we are talking about here. Second, a lot of asian men have a reputation of being family-oriented, being faithful… Meanwhile, black men have a reputation of the opposites.
    Ok, that’s enough. I hope it doesn’t offend you. I feel like a mad chinese woman now. What I really want to say is that

    In the end, I don’t want to judge people based on their race or anything. We’re all human beings, individuals. There are always some good ones, and bad ones no matter where we’re from.

  10. LingYan: Well said, stereotypes are just that until you meet that Asian woman or man and realise they all have the same dreams and fears just like you and me Interracial marriages are all over the planet and as Lingyan said, it is the minority , am sure Denmark is a huge continent and generalising just because of two or three case sample should not be used as a parameter for deducing that all Danish men like Asian Women. !!! As for no one running after the Asian men, look around people, look around !!!

  11. I meant Denmark is a big country….oopsie!!

  12. Lingyan & Irena,
    I have read your posts and will reply soon… …

  13. Lingyan, you asked
    “What do you mean by asian women and asian men”.
    When I use this word, I mean people from the continent of Asia. In my post I TRIED to be more specific by narrowing it down to “Orient Asia” and then specifically stating that most of the women were from Thailand and Vietnam. I used the word “orient” to narrow it down to women with oriental features since Indians and Pakistanis etc do not share similar features, whereas, to my eye, Chinese, Vietnamese and Thai etc people share simlar features. When I studied in UK I interacted with a number of students from Singapore, Malaysia and China and with time was able to discern subtle differences in appearance. Most africans will tell you that they are able to distinguish between africans from different parts of the continent by physical appearance alone. It is not always 100% correct…..but most times one can make an educated guess. I must also thank you for educating me on the different parts of Asia..i.e. South East, East,, South Asians etc…I honestly did not know of this.

    I absolutely concur with you that interracial marriages are not the norm and most / majority of people will marry within thier race/tribe/community.

    The reason I put this topic forth was simply because I too was intrigued at why a man, in this case danish man (because this is where I have observed it most) will marry a South East Asian lady (again from my observation) when there is hardly any communication or limited communication. Like you I wonder at her reasons for agreeing to such a union . I can only harzard a guess and I think that many times I may not be far off, especially where there is limited communication.

    On the asian men thingy.. I have nothing to say.

    Thank you for posting, and I do enjoy hearing other points of view. No offence was taken, even though you felt like a mad chinese woman. 🙂

  14. Irena, I hear you. I would like to point out that I did say ALOT OF danish men, I did not even venture to say MAJORITY OF danish men.. many was the term used, so no one is trying to say that ALL or MAJORITY of danish men are going for SouthEast Asian women…

  15. I´m in Denmark and as a latinamerican it has also caugh my eye a lot that danish men out of a national danish woman prefers to marry to asians women from Thailand,Vietnam,Korea, China, etc. In my danish class there were four women from these countries. Their husbands were usually older, and they also couldn´t speak a understandable english.

  16. For some this is for financial reasons. This article gave me a bad stomach knowing that my girlfriend is an asian working in Denmark now and we’re in a long distance relationship.

  17. OMG all you people are so fucking racist !!! thinking that all asian women are only for cleaning and subservient tasks… you all are also assuming that they don’t speak danish or english.. this is the most disgusting trail of comments

  18. certainly like your website however you have to check the spelling on several of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very troublesome to inform the truth nevertheless I will surely come back again. efdkdefdbdke

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