A few things about me

Archive for June, 2006

In Search of “IT”

I am not sure I will succeed in conveying my feelings accurately, however I will try my best. Somewhere within me there is the hope that I will one day be the writer I hope and dream of being. So be patient with me, while I bear my soul! 

"True happiness comes from doing what you were put on earth to do"

I don't know where I read, heard or saw this, but at this point in my life, I wholeheartedly agree with it.

Ever heard of the young girl/boy who at 8 years old said "I want to be a pilot, dancer, mother, doctor, sportwoman……"(the list is endless) and went on to be exactly that, while succeeding magnificently at it and making a fantastic living out of it. From that young age, thier IT was a clear as the noon day sun, and the journey towards IT was like walking a well lit path.

Then there are those who knew thier IT at a young age or discover IT as adults.  The only glich in thier IT-sphere is that for them, it cannot be a source of livelihood, so they end up doing another lesser IT that allows for money to be earned. All in all they have balance; they have thier IT and the lesser one… life is fulfilling and enriching. Some get lucky and blessed later in life when thier IT, usually relegated to being called a hobby,  becomes (suddenly or not) their source of livelihood. In a way these people are just as fulfilled as those in the first scenario.

Then there is the third group, people like me, who flow with life until we get fed up and realise they have no IT and they have never really had IT.  If they ever had IT, it lasted for a short period of tiem and then went away….They labour at lesser "its" because bills have to be paid, food has to be eaten, shelter is a necessity. Some people get stuck in this lifeless limbo like state all their lives. Some are lawyers, doctors, mothers, housewives, officeworkers, accountants, housekeepers… fill in the blanks. For this group, IT is elusive.

The search for IT, for those who awaken to the need to find it, is made worse by the countless self help books, articles and talk (aka… Dr Phil and company), who tell you, if you only follow the  "7 Steps….," "12 Routes to…" "10 Acts of " blah yada blah… you will discover/awaken your IT.

If you haven't guessed, "IT" goes by many other names,  "Potential, Career, Passion, Dream and Life Mission" again the endless list.

So in my quest, I gathered a number of these principles (they are not all trash by the way and yes, now and then I do buckle and end up flipping through them……note the ambivalence towards anything selfhelp) and essentially, summariesed them as follows.. step by step

  1. Do a SWOT like inventory of yourself….(if you don't know a SWOT, google it!)
  2. Identify your goal/have a vision/ have a dream…. something to that effect
  3. Collect the stuff required to reach your goal…..could be as simple as a hoe to dig or higher education…
  4. Begin the work towards it….in case of garden, start digging….
  5. Surround yourself with the right people,…. again, digging scenario, get around some farmers, gardeners.. whatever…
  6. Learn from your mistakes… for you will surely make them
  7. Keep digging
  8. Voila! you now have a garden…..(crap or fly.. a garden nontheless)

Armed with this information from the countless sources, I did my SWOT…(maybe one day I will post my Strengths… the rest are for me to know and for you to speculate…. gotta beat my own drum… I digress!)

Then I got to the dream/vision/goal part and….. welll….. things kinda fell apart…. See…. thing is… I did have a dream once. It was like… to use an analogy a mountain climbing venture. I went through steps 3 to 7 and somewhere along it, I fell off the mountain into a valley, broke my back and got taken to the ER. It took me a few months to recover and the good doctor told me to give up mountain climbing because another fall like this would kill me. He said  that I can keep climbing hills but not mountains and reminded me that time was working against me and at my age, I could no longer do the mountain ranges..I should stick to gentle hills.

So now I am looking for a new hill and I cannot seem to find it. I look at my SWOT and really do not know where to apply that to find my IT… so I am hoping my IT will find me.. cause I sure don't know where to look anymore…..I have tried my hand at a few things and they certainly were not IT… I will keep looking because one day, I too will stand up and boldly say

"This is what I was born to do"

PS……I am very contented with all other aspects of my life…… and though it sounds depressing and weak, I am neither… simply introspective….

One thing plagues me though, when does one know when to throw in the towel… cause I think my doctor was wrong….. 😉 

Madaraka Day!!! (Belated)

Madaraka day has come and gone!

Yesterday I remembered it was Madaraka day, I even reminded myself to go to my ka joint and join the KBW brotherhood in noting this day by posting something.. but life happened and I didn't  make it.

Today I have been reading the posts on KBW Aggregator and have felt proud to be Kenyan (albeit half Kenyan).

I was not born in Kenya, but I grew up in Kenya. I left Kenya in my early teens and never returned to live there. My mommie is Kenyan and my whole maternal extend family lives in Kenya. Once a year for a max of four to six weeks at a time I lived in Kenya. I was the only one who left home.

When I relocated, I was always identified as Kenyan and "she is kenyan" was used to explain a lot of my percieved idiosyncrasies. For 10 years this new place .. Uganda.. was my home and I discovered my new extended family. I learned the language the lingo and some of the culture and slowly in its own way Uganda became home.

My home will always be Kenya/Uganda.. and in that order. On certain days I feel more Kenyan than I do Ugandan. I am more (insert Kenyan tribe) than I am Ugandan and other days I am more Ugandan than I am Kenyan. I love my home and I am proud to fly both flags.