A few things about me

Archive for August, 2007

God’s Warrior- Not!

So far I have watched God’s Muslim Warriors and God’s Christian Warriors, hoping to catch God’s Jewish Warriors.

Once again Christiane Amanpour delivers a fantastic piece of documentary that has generated much food for thought for me. (my juvenile obsession with her has been rejuvenated. Did you know she is half Iranian half British and can speak Persian and French fluently)

This post will be rather all over the place because I am not patient enough to sort out my thoughts and do a cohesive piece.

I am not God’s Warrior. Fundamentalism of any kind has always led to the subjugation of women and being a woman, I would like to protect myself from those who will at one point try to stump me under their feet in the name of God.

I want my son to go to a school that teaches the 10 commandments, sings hymns at assembly and teaches both creation and evolution. (Denmark, like US, has removed God from the public schools). I want him to have some kind of faith and then later on he can decide for himself… like I have and still am.

I have been plagued by Islamophobia since the 911 bombings and the British bombings and the Mohammed cartoon saga. I keep thinking, kwani.. what is wrong with “these people” can’t they just take it easy.. why all the violence.

At the same time, the hijab(headscarf worn by Muslim women) and the long clothes appeal to me for the simple reason that I am lazy about dressing and grooming my hair. I kind like the idea of few people ever seeing the “whole” of you. This may have something to do with my bouts of insecurity about how I look that sometimes plague me……like this week…. been feeling very fugly (fugly =f…cking ugly. Though that new outfit that cost £14 looks good and displays my legs magnificently)

I used to watch John Hagee till early this year when started weaning myself off him… after watching God’s Christian Warriors I know I had made the right decision… dude is kidogo nuts!

Ugandan journalism is the worst of it’s kind. I read the New Vision and Monitor Newspapers and dismayed the the blatantly false information supplied by the writers of some of the articles. What puzzles me even more is that both papers have access to the net and a lot of CORRECT, FACTUAL information can be sourced from the net, yet they publish stuff that just makes you wonder.. Mr EDITOR what the heck are you doing?? do the words, VERIFY and FACTS cross your mind when you approve an article for print.

Big Al was busy hobnobbing with some posh people yesterday and told me that one of his colleague’s sister works for CNN. I am always griping about CNN’s “Inside Africa”. Why the heck are they always (80%) of the time reporting stories from South Africa, eh..? Anyway, the colleague said her sister is the producer of Inside Africa and the reason that the stories are SA biased is because 1) they have a small budget so they cannot be flying all over the continent to report stories. 2) CNN Africa HQ is in SA. 3) The quality of the stories they get are poor.

So being the enterprising person I am (still waiting for the evidence of my enterprise).. I thought, “si people start making good documentaries and selling them to CNN etc etc.. a factual piece of journalism from African perspective for the global audience. All you need is a camera man, light man and an ambitious budding journalist).

God and I are on some kind of standoff. Read this which clearly explains PART of what I am feeling.

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A few things I love about Big Al

There are so many things that I experienced during my pregnancy that no one had told me about and there I was thinking that I knew just about everything there was to know. There are many things women do not disclose to each other about pregnancy and in keeping with that tradition I will not say much….

There is also A LOT that happens to a relationship after baby comes in and again, no one really talks about it and the couple finds themselves bumbling through this very interesting sometimes emotionally charged moment. I will try not to buck the tradition of non disclosure but I will say this: New baby takes the relationship to new heights and levels. I strongly believe that if a couple is not committed the cracks in the relationship begin to become real wounds and stuff.

Much as we were prepared and had talked about how “our life is going to change when baby comes” I don’t think we were truly prepared. Both of us have been treading the muddy waters and during this time it has been a little too easy for me to focus on the negative little and big stuff and ….you know the drift. So I am shifting the focus and here is my incomplete list of the things about him that I love.

And NO I am not going to balance it out and list the things about him that drive me nuts…nope.. I have always maintained that I never discuss my ish about him with anyone but him… that is for me to know and for you to speculate! hehehehe

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BIG AL

  • Happily eats whatever I put on the dinner table no matter how bland or shocking and always always thanks me for the meal.
  • When he cooks (it may be burnt or raw) he always presents the food in a very professional manner like we are at some top notch restaurant. I always marvel at this. On food presentation he gets 10 out of 10.
  • Not stingy with money which he earns and I spend. Never once has complained about me not working and I have free reign of the money. Has no issue with my money being mine and his money being ours! :-).
  • Is very very happy to be daddy and loves our baby very very much.
  • Buys me THOUGHTFUL gifts. Last x-mas he got me something and I cried in front of his whole family. Still brings tears to my eyes.
  • Works hard to provide for us.
  • Believes in us as a couple and family and is dedicated to us.
  • Always always willing to listen to me when I say “I think we need to talk” even though sometimes my gripes may be coming outta my ass… he will always listen… what he says next… well….. that’s another story.
  • Is kind to a fault. Always willing to give, give give. Unlike me who is stingy.
  • Loves me and tells me I am BEAUTIFUL even when I am feeling FUGLY as hell. He says it and I believe it.
  • I have always had some form of mild insomnia. Before baby Nikh, when unable to sleep, I would ask him to tell me about algorithms and programming platforms blah blah. Worked like a charm I would be asleep in minutes while he would then be wide awake because he would be pumped up for more programming or whatever it is he does  🙂
  • He makes me feel safe and feminine.
  • Always willing to help and always asks me if there is anything he can do to help. Now I have to admit it drives me crazy on days when I am feeling umph! I will be thinking “hello….Look around you…. ala…” however I choose to see it as his willingness to help and be useful around the house and for that I am grateful.
  • He was the first person to “bring out” the softer side of me. I guess it has to do with him making me feel safe. I am such a softie since I met him.. ..
  • Always tells me he loves me; before ,during or after a “cold war” (thanks to Mwari for that expression) when those very words are unable to rise past my throat leave alone leave my mouth.
  • Is willing to watch a “chick flick” with me.. or sit besides me with his lap top while I watch and tries not to laugh too hard when I get all mushy and gooey at the love story.

There is more……

mingi love babes!

Friendless

3 people I dearly love were on my mind today and the common factor between them is the fact that they are friendless. I know they are lonely and that is not something they will admit to me or anyone else… who ever admits they are lonely. So I got to thinking, how do people reach middle age and are friendless?

As cliche as that saying is, “people in one’s life for a season, a reason, …..” I find it hard to believe that one can reach a point where they have no friends.

Here in Denmark, I have made two good friends and a few accquaintances. By the time I left the UK, I believe I had made a dear friend for life. I had “work friends”, “train friends” “bump into in town friends” etc and my dear friend Nils.(if you read this, I love you girl!). I moved to UG when I was 13/14 years old without a friend to my name and by the time I left high school, I had many “tu friends” and one dear friend whom I am still intouch with today, though we are continents apart. Then came University and I made 2 dear friends… lost one to reasons I am yet to find out.. and still friends with the other…

In my short life I have learned that friendship is cultivated. You have to work on it and you accept your friends warts and all… same way they accept you. To go through this life without someone to laugh with, share with, invite to your birthday parties etc is really sad. Life here in Denmark is strange, people complain of loneliness, friendlessness etc yet are not willing to cultivate the time it takes to make them. The people you knew in high school or Uni are your friends for life…. how boring and shortsighted!!

Anyway…. c’est la vie…no?!

Monster Baby, Monster Mom

Here we go again about sleep. Nik is now 5 months old and  for me, sleep is still a mirage in the horizon. I love my son. He owns my heart. I KNOW that I would kill anyone who harms him bila regrets or thought. That being said he is the worst sleeper in the world.

This is what my night last night looked like.

6.30pm: Finished bath, dressed, fed, burped then carried in baby carrier and rocked to sleep

7.20: Finally asleep on me.. transfered him to crib

7.22pm: Awake (I was just teasing you mummy) breastfed, fell asleep at boob.

7.40pm: Successfully transfered to crib.

8.30pm: Mummy goes to bed… previous night was rough.

9.15pm: Mummy out of bed.. insomnia plagues.

9.30pm: Baby cries out, awake, try to pat him back to bed, whimper begins to escalate to cry, so breast feed

9.45pm: Baby back in crib. Mommy in bed

11.00pm: Baby up, fussy, move him to my bed, try to pat to him back to sleep. Fussy, squirming, whimpering finally falls asleep.

01.00am: Baby cries out, breast feeds, falls asleep without burp…not good.. put him down to sleep.

01.15am:fussy baby, needs to burp, whimpering, crying out, pick him up, I sit up, try to burp him, falls asleep on me..lay him next to me, finally loud burp, baby settles.

02.30am : Baby up again, fussy, hot, very hot, take him in my arms, me propped up against pillow he falls alseep.

03.15am: Baby up again, crying , breastfeeds alot, burps..lay him next to me

05:.00am: baby up, fussy, shuffling, breastfeeds a lot, burps

06.00am: Baby up for the day.

Usually he wakes up at 7.30am in the morning. Well 4 out of 7 days he does.  During the day he has been getting a max of 3hours sleep during the day. I know that is not enough but he will not go down whatever I do.

Looking back, I will gladly trade this with the waking every 3 to 2 hours. I feed him before his bath. He loves his food. He is now on solids once a day. Past week I have been napping with him in the afternoon. Those naps are no longer than 1.5hrs. I am not complaining.

The scariest thing is that ati.. some kids go on like this even up to 15months. I am freaked out. I have read a few books about baby sleep and apart from letting him cry it out (which I am not for) there is really no real solution. We have a good routine going every evening. So have no idea. I have even cut out milk…. apparently it causes problems. I cut out tea for 3 weeks and there was no difference.

At 5 months  one word describes me : Exhausted.

Mid year Pledge

I pledge:

  • I will no longer leave the house looking like the cliche frumpy, rumpled housewife.
  • I will get rid of all my old clothes by 20th August 2007
  • I will replace these clothes slowly as our finances allow and I will do it with taste and class.
  • I will no longer leave the house with 4 day old matutas (boxbraids) on my head pointing in every direction but south!
  • I will no longer buy cheap shoes and will get rid of all my shoes that I have not worn in over 2 years by 30th August 2007.
  • I will stop harping on about the same issue and being bitchy about it… ( I was really mean last night and I feel ugh… but I will not apologise because it is true.. though I could have been kinder about it… me thinks!)
  • I will think only positive stuff for the next seven days.

Now lets go out and do this!!!