A few things about me

Fresh Air Love

Disclaimer: I find it hard to write about love and stuff without crossing the “airing out my business in public” boundary. end of disclaimer

We are going through some things right now. Absolutely not nice but thankfully not THOSE kind of THINGS; you know the big kind, the ones called deal breakers. None of that. Its the same shit over and over again. Before we were too young to name it properly. Recently I had an epiphany. The cause of SSDD= same shit different day (thank you Stephen King for that experession) is ” In search of Satisfaction” or if you like “The pursuit of happyness” Both are titles of books that I have read and both aptly describe the cause of SSDD in our house. The epiphany came after perusing though my diaries. The stuff I was writing about in 2002 is the same stuff I am writing about today. (and yes I have been keeping some form of diary since I can remember, before Oprah and co. made it all de jour to journal… ask my sis!)

Last year I lost myself and had to find myself. Thankfully I did. In the midst of it all we fought a lot and hardly really talked things out. I was in a bad place and wanted/needed for him to be in a good place. My thinking was, at least one of us is OK. But we both weren’t. The relocation here and the subsequent losing of myself was taking a toll of both of us. Then the realisation that the job was not paying as it should. After taxes the take home pay was a joke.My thinking was “I left my job, my nice new house, to come to THIS” . Now MONEY was factoring into the whole thing. And there ain’t nothing like MONEY to bring things to a head. Then money stuff got sorted but still the AIR around us was stale and heavy with so much said and unsaid. So much disatisfaction, So much lostness but we bumbled through to the end of the year. As he aptly said “the moments of happiness have been few and in between”

So this year we begun to talk and I begun to listen more and not try and solve it. (raising my hand up admitting to my type A personality). I found out that it has not been all great for him. But I was too lost in my own issues;trying to keep from sinking and losing myself, new baby and all. SSDD again. Trying to make me a better person was the theme this year. Then finally I nailed it. I drew up lists, pros and cons the works and found out what it will take for ME to find SOME SATISFACTION. I had been unfair in the past. Looking to him to fulfill me. To be my friend, girlfriend, husband, lover, critique, EVERY THING and that was NOT RIGHT. Pointing the the speck in his eye and ignoring the forest in my own. He did this, he did the other, he did not do this, he bugging me, I’m going outta my mind with this man. Not knowing what I am DOING and NOT DOING. Feeling all saintly because everytime I asked, “is there anything you want me to change” he said “nope”. So smugness set it.

Then the rain fell and I got to hear about HOW I am not doing this, bugging him, driving him outta is mind.. you get the drift. It’s HARD HARD to sit and listen about your own shit. To hear and see how your mate SEES you, the person you are to him. That ish is hard to listen to. But I listened, I heard and added on my list of “things to improve about Mrembo”. Don’t get me wrong, some of it I don’t agree with. That which is true yeah, I`ll work on.

So there we were yesterday night or was it early today morning. 2.30am (i told you were are going through some things) talking, trying to find mid ground, trying to find satisfaction in this life. We talked, I heard, I hope he heard .. nothing was solved. Some things never get solved and that’s alright. I know , he knows. We are going in the same direction. We want the same things…. only thing is right now……we’re just going through some things and through it all;

Love remains!

PS. The title is not really connected to the body.. just loved the way it sounds.

Books: In Search of Satisfaction by J. California Cooper : Pursuit of Happyness ( that film in which Will Smith acts. I haven’t watched it but I have read the book)

Comments on: "Fresh Air Love" (4)

  1. It’s tough enough finding the new you in Denmark so this must compound to all the other issues that naturally arise in couple/parenthood. I know this from experience….the couplehood part anyways…. Sounds like you guys have a little handle of it though…at least you talk…..the hard part is walking the talk. Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you!

  2. To the contrary; I think the title fits the post perfectly. The post demonstrate the level you two are willing to go to get the marriage to work. I must say that is really what love is and Big Al is lucky to have you. The fact that you can do introspection and appreciate things you need to alter to make it work.

    Things do get hard and sometimes you cant help and think of the sacrifices that you have made.

    I watched the Will Smith movie and demonstrates the length one can go for their kids. Now , as a mother, i know you understand.

    And I am lucky to have Big Al… recently I have been hearing lamentations about people’s better halves and I realise that I have it pretty good. Things do get challenging and for me learning not to focus on the negative is something I am grateful that I have learnt and learning. Sacrifices and love…. now that is another post all together ๐Ÿ™‚

    I have seen excerpts of the movie and get the impression that the book inspires the movie; the movie is not a retelling of the story. As for the book…inspiration is in one or two places…

  3. Am with S&R the title suits perfectly. Thanks for helping me shed light on a few things that i have been trying to work out especially ssdd also observed from my journal. I think sometimes we demand too much from another without being real and give less than we should to the other. I admire what you have with Big Al, you both are blessed to have each other.
    Lastly, “Some things never get solved and thatโ€™s alright.” ahem.

    lol at the “ahem” comment, but in my experience it is true. Example. Big Al and I are fundamentally different when it comes to how we look at life. I am the eternal pessimist and he the eternal optimist; chalk it down to me being first born, him last, our different expereinces being brought up, and plain old “we are wired different”. Sometimes when in conversation, discussion or argument, we can end up going on and on simply because we a looking at the same issue through different colored lenses, thus we cannot agree on something. I will understand his view point and he mine, but we both being pig headed will want the other to have an “aha moment” and come round to the other’s way of thinking or reasoning.. which just won’t happen. We have come to realise this, so discussions are very interesting and do not get heated. Prior to that realisation… … I will leave it to your imagination.

  4. […] no issue sharing with a person whom I have just met the “light things”. Apart from my Fresh Air post: You have no idea how many times I considered taking it down. I felt exposed and vulnerable, […]

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