We have issues. Trust issues. I don’t trust HIM. There I said it. I’ve verbalized and recorded it for time immemorial. That is the crux of the matter. I DON’T TRUST GOD. (now comes thunder and brimstone damning me to a life of eternal torture).
He says “Come let us reason together” and I come over and over again. Many a times it seems, feels and looks like HE disappoints or fails to deliever and so trust issues develop. They say trust is earned.
So I am pissed off at Him and at myself mostly at myself for believing that HE works the way He says in His book that He does. Oh yeah I get the mysterious workings thing… … so mysterious I don’t get it.
I count my blessings and thank HIM everytime we sit down to talk. What bothers me most is HIS silence and the ambiguity of HIS answers in response to my requests. Too much room left for coincidences, happenstance and life.
The other day I thought: “I don’t know who I fear most; the devil for the shit he can do to you, or God for allowing the shit to happen”
Thats where I am at with God.