A few things about me

Sinner on Strike

We have issues. Trust issues. I don’t trust HIM. There I said it. I’ve verbalized and recorded it for time immemorial. That is the crux of the matter. I DON’T TRUST GOD.  (now comes thunder and brimstone damning me to a life of eternal torture).

He says “Come let us reason together” and I come over and over again.  Many a times  it seems, feels and looks like HE disappoints or fails to deliever and so trust issues develop. They say trust is earned.

So I am pissed off at Him and at myself mostly at myself for believing that HE works the way He says in His book that He does. Oh yeah I get the mysterious workings thing… … so mysterious I don’t get it.

I count my blessings and thank HIM everytime we sit down to talk. What bothers me most is HIS silence and the ambiguity of HIS answers in response to my requests. Too much room left for coincidences, happenstance and life.

The other day I thought: “I don’t know who I fear most; the devil for the shit he can do to you, or God for allowing the shit to happen”

Thats where I am at with God.


Comments on: "Sinner on Strike" (7)

  1. Trusting is hard especially when you feel like He has turned his back on you. Yet in all i know that He is still faithful and will do what he says he will do in his time. I would recommend that you tell God how you feel. {{{Mrembo}}}

    Thanks for the hugs! Trust me :-)… God knows exactly how I feel. He knows …. straight from the horse’s mouth

  2. Prayers don’t get answered when WE want them answered but when HE wants them answered. Keep the faith

    And so I must… keep the faith that is.

  3. I too, feel like that MANY times!

    Though deep down, I know I still trust Him. I have to. He is the WAY afterall, isn’t He? You should see what I wrote in my notebook today!

    Its the deep down that I have issue with. I know all about what I am supposed to do, be etc at an intellectual level, mind level just not on a deep down level… then again I still pray and hope, so maybe that qualifies and faith in the deeper regions eh?

  4. Experience has taught me that GOD does things at his own time and pace..dont question HIM..why, when, how..no no..Speak to him…tell HIM what you want…HE is there for you, watching you closely..wanting you to just believe..Trust me He wont let you down..just wait

    And that’s just my issue. Because WHEN HE answers so much time has passed one is not sure if things happened due to the passage of time, happenstance,concidence or God actually answered. Too complicated. Then WHEN there is no answer how do I know that answer was NO?….. I need to just chill and let things be and we continue in our status quo.

  5. Well you post looks like cofessions of a tired and desperate candidate ready for the move of GOD.

    Problem 1. You want to understand God. But then he would not be GOD if you had him all figured out. Sometimes you just have to let go and not control everything. If you understood all things then i guess you would make the right decisions all the time and no hassles to follow. I guess the starting point would be what does Trust mean to You?? Trust does not necessarily mean i will get what i hope for or what i expect. On the other hand Faith is a completely different issue. Going back to Trust …I would beg to suggest that it means i believe that whatever the outcome you will look after me through the situation and what happens will be made into something for my good because you love me hence no evil thing will prosper in my life. It means i will be led by you because i acknowledge you know ( me) better.

    Problem 2. If your really believe in your heart of hearts that he does not speak( through people,through books, through songs, through ministers of the Word, etc for starters without going through the deeper more direct routes i.e prophecy, words of knowledge etc) why do you have the urge to listen or hear him.It is an inborn urge that try as you might to block out will not go away. He hears, he listens and he speaks. Just listen – in the stillness of life you will find him calling you to search for him more till your spirit awakens to his call/voice .Desperate times call for desperate measures.

    Suggested Soloution: If you are really depserate to know him in the personal way you describe , to be as intimate with him as i depict from your general posting( picked up from reading between the lines) then make a covennant with yourself not to give up searching for him till you have found him. He is the God that makes people walk on water through the storms of life, provides an inner satisfaction no human could ever fanthom of fulfill, ( no matter how great their love for one another) , the best friend you will ever have.

    Gods got you marked….you can run but you can’t hide.Your destiny is in him. Fight as much as you want against it but people out there are praying for you and creation awaits the reconcilliation between you and your maker.

    I know its long but i had to reply. I had to. …love Nsils.

    I am coming back to answer to this properly.

  6. I considered this very question some time back… Do I trust God? I realised that I trust Him to do what He knows is right when He knows it is right to do. But I don’t trust Him to do what I want Him to do when I want Him to do it.

    And that got me all the more riled up. Because you know, I’m human (duh). Sometimes, I just want what I want that I want. And I don’t want to be encumbered with all this complications of figuring out whether God wants it too. Arggghh… Give Me What I Want Already!

    Sigh. And still, I stay. (Where’s a girl gonna go? What’s a girl gonna do?)

    So, I don’t have an answer. But I hear you.

    You have nailed it kabisa.. “trusting Him to do what I want, when it needs to get done” no like tomorrow or maybe or perphas. It would be even easier if HE just said NO! Then at least I know where I stand, but this maneno of hanging about waiting, not sure, then being told ati have more faith, confess your sins, fast, or you didn’t pray properly blah blah blah.. just gets to me…… I too hear you.

    These issues then lead me to conclude and find the wisdom in sayings like “well if you do the same things 100 times and it ain’t working maybe……… (fill in the blank!)

    I am such a kafiri!

  7. Trust me, you can never be a Kafiri like this one… if only you knew where I worked/what I do for a living, you’d realise how scandalous what I say/write is… lakini you know, whether I supress it or express it… God knows… what does it matter what anyone else thinks, right?

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