I have not been able to pray in a long long long time: It has felt futile and pointless. Let me be honest, I did pray the other day. I prayed for my son, that God would bless him, that he would grow to be a man of integrity, honor and be a man’s man. I felt that perhaps God would hear this prayer.
Prior to this prayer, I do not remember when I last spoke with the Almighty. My faith is being eroded. A part of me is CERTAIN that it will not be completely gone, however the fundamentals of what I believe ARE SHIFTING towards what……. I am not sure. I have drafted so many prayers in my head to God. I have called HIM out. I have said that surely if the prophets of old, would sit and reason with HIM surely surely HE can do the same today. (perhaps I have been found unworthy….)
The chaos in Kenya leaves me wondering about the Christian God and HIS whereabouts during this crisis. THEY BURNED PEOPLE IN YOUR HOUSE. They keep doing this all the time ALL THE TIME. THEY did it in Rwanda AND again and again YOU KEEP SILENT?
WHY?? WHY…. do YOU see why it becomes so so HARD to keep the faith. Are we simply pawns on a chess board in a game far beyond our comprehension. If so why then give us this intelligence. I am sorry, YOUR MYSTERIOUS WAYS OF WORKING don’t cut it with me anymore.
I want to stamp my feet and say “ITS OVER, I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE”. I figure that You and Allah have either absconded duty or are bewildered. .. I don’t know anymore.
I just don’t know… so I end in the way I have been ending every one of my monologues
God, if YOU are there YOU who made this world, I don’t know who you are, where you are, what name you go by, but I am talking to the one who made this Universe, IF you are there, STAND UP AND BE COUNTED.