I was going to include this in my previous post but decided that it would be all too much.
I was reading Shirel’s post about Embracing America (1) and was struck by the similar feelings and thoughts.
When I first landed in UK, I had no intention of living there longterm. I was there do study and get out. Life happened. Then I moved to Denmark and to be honest I looked at it as a kind of transit point. Life happened. I went home for x-mas 07 and in conversation with dad he was like if he was a young man he would leave Uganda and never look back. This was echoed by another family friend. I had heard this every time I went home and I was like “ala, these people are just talking” See I was/am a diehard live and die in Africa.
Then shit broke out in Kenya and I was forced to think about what all this being Ugandan/Kenyan means to me. Why was I so adamant about NOT getting Danish or British citizenship. (I felt like a sell out, I have a home, family,relatives, why would I want to leave all that behind permanently? was my thinking). Denmark is not my home and this was/is further emphasized by my ignorance of the SYSTEM. I am still learning.
But now I am thinking, what does it all mean to be Kenyan or Ugandan. When in Kenya your own kenyan brothers will kill you because you look like. What does it mean to be Ugandan when people don’t give you a job because you look like or they start threating that when our time comes (and yet they are wrong cause you are actually them but they think you are other). Because of all this shit, I have been thinking that I cannot get riled in anger when a Muzungu displays racism what’s the difference between racism and tribalism or whatever ism. Hate is hate. All I know is if you come for me I WILL FIGHT BACK.
Don’t get me wrong, things are not all ROSY here. Denmark was burning a few days ago. You know those Muhammed cartoons that came out last year, well the press decided to celebrate freedom of speech and reprinted them in commemoration of 1 year anniversary (talk about provocation). You know the crazies went crazy and started burning stuff because they were pissed. Now WHITE Denmark is pissed off at INVANDER (foreginers) because THEY are burning down their country. Yesterday I would have died if looks could kill. The crazies burnt the rubbish shed for block of flats opposite ours. After dropping off baby I decided to have an up and close look of the shed remains. Old woman was there looking at it. I have seen her many many times from my kitchen window. She keeps the surrounding area clean, cares about the flowers etc etc. The woman stared bullets at me all the way till I got into the main entrance of our block. I deliberately turned back to see if she was watching me and you guessed it. I don’t feel bad about that. To her I am one of them. I understand how she feels. Hate is hate (got to be careful with it)
So I find myself contemplating a longer life in Europe. . I must make peace with that new truth. This is my home for now until I move again.