Sometimes I outdo even the worst of them. Today was one of those days. Don’t you just hate those people in a class/meeting/seminar etc who for whatever reason, always have an answer, contribution or point of view. Yup that was me today.
Since I started language school two weeks ago, I have been censoring myself. “Keep your mouth shut Mrembo”. “You have nothing to say here so keep your hand down” So far I have been doing well, but today, oh Lord today, my mouth run away with me, my hand just kept shooting up to answer questions. For the life of me I just could not keep quiet. Why?? To make matters twice, TWICE I veered completely off topic into irrelevanc Why??
I talk a lot. I know that. I used to be a horrible listener. You could hardly get a word in edgewise when I was on the roll. To make matters worse the few times I would listen, I had an even bigger, better, sadder, scarier story to tell. By doing this I thought I was empathising. (now and again I catch myself doing it and have to check myself) Talk about big ego, selfishness and miscued empathy . Then one day, while on a cheap date with a guy I used to have a thing with, the light was switched on and I saw myself as I was.
After pouring out his pain I said nothing. (thank you Jesus!). This time I did not have a friend, relative or a “there was this time” situation. After some silence he turned to me with a slyish sarcastic smile and said “Interesting that today you do not have a similar story to share to ease my pain” or something to that effect. My ears burned hot. He had outed me. To this day I thank God that this guy passed through my life because he was the only one who ever had the courage point out that particular character flaw. He may not have meant it kindly, it does not matter. What matters is that the job was done. From henceforth I have tried and I know I have become a better listener.
So why oh why did the flood gates at the door of my mouth come tumbling down today?
I hear a whisper saying “it is when you feel insecure and when you want people to like you that you begin to blubber”……. Let me go on and ponder that little nugget of information and I will tell you whether I agree or not.