And here I was saying that my muse had disappeared. Seems he is back with a vengeance.
Life Lessons: I know I am supposed to be learning a few things about me and my life especially since I came to Denmark. Infact the biggest one I believe I have been trying to figure out has been “What the decision to move to Denmark a colossal one”. Another one of them is certainly to do with PATIENCE. I have learned and now in the process of accepting that I must endure patience that with time I will be able to do all I want to do. That this is a period I should savour and relax. I must use this time to plan and pray (or visualise) about the future. What I have been trying to figure out is what is the lesson in Nikh sleeping habits. I know there is a lesson or two in there and God you know I am trying to figure them out. Sooner than later please.
Of late my uncles statement “those you hold dear may not necessarily hold you as dear and those whom you don’t hold so dear may be the ones who will cross oceans for you” has been making rounds in my head. I learned the lesson long ago, so why is this now again?
Unrequited love: I have been witness to someones mental and emotional breakdown due to unrequited love. I used to think that stuff like that happens to OTHERS not people I know. Well now it has come rather close to my door and I am left in awe of the mind and heart’s ability to simple break under such emotional turmoil. I have never (not yet) been dumped so in all truth I cannot understand that pain. In conversation with a friend, I shared the situation and in her wisdom she said (I am translating from my language) : As surely as it begun be sure that this too will come to an end. That is the one thing I am sure of. How long it takes is another matter. At this point the person concerned needs to go through this on their own. There is nothing y’all can do. Absolutely nothing. For me a similar situation showed me my weaknesses. Showed me where I needed to strengthen my mind and heart. She said more but that was the part that she stressed and I find myself agreeing with her.
The closest I have ever come to heart break was in standard 3, 4 and 5. Especially in standard 5 when my whole class for a whole term decided they would not talk to me because my then nemesis had decreed it. I do not remember what brought it on, but I learned at an early age what it meant to be in then out. My little heart broke then and to this day, this day, that whole situation still brings tears to my eyes…. So is this what makes me certain that if Big Al decided to leave tomorrow I would not break down? Does one have the power to prevent such breakdowns. I believe everyone has their breaking point; for some its love, others death of a spouse or child, others lose of material wealth dreams etc. I know my shattered dreams almost broke me… So I guess it is just a matter of where your heart is….. or am I simplifying it too much.
Why do I care: She came into class today. Another African yippe. She was introduced to me and told that I am Ugandan. She simply glanced at me with an “eh” expression on her face, dismissed me and turned back to her friends. I said “I am from next door” with a smile on my face “Oh Uganda” she responded with a bothered face and for the second time in those fleeting seconds I knew I had been dismissed. She chatted with her friends and left. So why the fuck is it bothering me. I have been asking myself: Mrembo, what did you want her to do, jump up and down just because she has met another African? Don’t be silly, you know how it is. Just because I am black 🙂 doesn’t mean she is interested. Stop thinking about it.
See I already feel better about the situation.
And finally: Today is Autism Awareness Day: Since I had Nikh I keep catching stuff about Autism on TV. From the Oprah Show, to Larry King various documentaries to the point I am getting paranoid. I refused to get Nikh the new vaccine that came out. I talked to my doctor and she was nonchalant about it… so I was like.. less is better. He was due for MMR sometime this month and I have postponed it until he is free from all cold viruses he has had. I was talking about breaking me. Autism would finish me. Today I watched CNNs special broadcast about it and I am in awe of the parents of Autistic children. May God bless them all. I think my cause may have found me.
Goodnight good people.