So I had a semi-mini-rant about men and low standards here: Eff Dee Eye’s response has sparked this post. He said ”
I think we try too hard to please the ladies in our own way as men (seems like we are not doing that good!). When I listen to great male artists/poets that’s all I hear – they are begging and pleading – maybe the society (Ladies??) have no clue what men want!
I guess maybe lyrics are not enough, at least we are trying – ladies go easy on us we get excited rather quickly it ain’t a secret. Mr Too Damm Good – that’s all we wanted to be.
Listening to G. Levert – ‘Baby Hold on to me & Definition of a man’
Therefore I have to question WHAT DO MEN WANT? Women around the world seem to be clueless about what you men want.. so come on tell us..
A lady I used to work with used to say this when asked if she is in a good relationship.
“I know I am happy in the relationship.. you will have to ask my husband if he is cause last time I thought he was, he was cheating on me.” Firs time she said it I laughed till I found out she was not lying. See her hubby dogged on her, they got divorced, he found his mind and they remarried after a 6 year separation.
Mum is an Obamastan, to the point she has told me “I am not travelling anywhere in November. I have to be at home to celebrate when Obama wins”
Mrembo: Now yoooouuu! you’re behaving like Obama is your relative or someone you even know.
Mum: Yes! leave me alone.. si he is Kenyan.. I will join in the celebrations. Aieh it is so nice, now imagine his grandmother, step-sisters are all going to white house…maybe I will also get a ticket ….niende nishereke!!
Mrembo: eh?? what??
When mum has the remote control, CNN is on permanent rotation cause she is waiting to get “that clip they showed of Obama in the morning, si they will replay it again”
So yesterday she was raving about how beautiful Michelle is and how she was being interviewed and she was wearing a very nice dress… “ana shape nzuri sana”. The rest of the day we were on CNN trying to get to see the clip again. Needless to say, we did not see it.
Today I stumbled on the interview on the net and I think I am getting converted.. not so much for Obama but for Michelle. (don’t get me wrong, I hope he wins. I think he will. According to mum “McCain hana sura ya kushinda..)
Mrs Obama is very poised, intellectual, intelligent and she was wearing a really nice dress, even me I want it! (so for you nice KBWers in the States meet me sideways and help a sista out. Nope the shop does not ship internationally! 🙂 Apparently it is sold out. Just google “Michelle Obama white &black dress” and see what you get.
If you want to hear what she said on this show search YouTube for “Michelle Obama on The View”
Copyright 2008 Steve Fenn / ABC
Piggy backing off the post “Low Standards” I end up thinking to myself .. what is a good man? Who is a good man?
Off the top of my head without deep thought these are the characteristics of what I think make up a good man. At this point in my life I think/know/ believe that I am married to one of the few good men. (Yesu … thank you)
So here is what I think is a good man: when you finish reading tell me yours!
- An honest man: A man who will be honest with you about his WHOLE LIFE. About his whole person.
- Principled: You gotta have some.
- hard working: Me I cannot be with a lazy, don’t want to apply myself to any kind of work bum
- A steady good provider: In my case I am now a house wife entirely dependent on my husband. So for me this is very important. That I can rely on him to provide not only for me but for his son.
- Easy going kinda of dude: I have lived with a “difficult” man and I ain’t having non of that.
- A man that respects others as fellow human beings: I have been around people who do not “see” others around them. They do not “see” thier shamba boy, the watch man , the guy who sells maize at the entrance of the estate (shit.. I used to be one of them)
A guy with these qualities to me is a MAN regardless of his station in life.
This post is dedicated to my man! Mingi love baby!
I know I am gushing.. don’t hate 🙂
Big Al and I were chatting as we watched telly. I said,
Mrembo: “I can count two incidents in my life where I have put myself in compromising situations. I agreed to spend a night at xyz’s place and I know he thought he would get some but he didn’t. Luckily he did not force the issue. I actually respect him a lot for that” (before going to xyz’s place I had clearly explained/stated that there would be no hunky punky……I was young and naive!)
Big Al: “Why, see that right there is the problem… why are you respecting him”
Mrembo: “Ala! dude could have forced himself on me but he did not and if he did, it would have been PARTLY my fault for going there and not delivering the goods well knowing that he wanted some”
Big Al: “that is the problem right there, that a guy is given respect for doing what a guy should do. If a woman says no it’s no. Are your standards so low that when a guy acts right you respect him because of that.”
That got me thinking and I think he is right. I admit that agreeing to spend the night at xyz’s was not a brilliant idea.. but like I said, I was young and stupid. Xyz was into my mix and I was not into him sana. He had been pressuring me to spend a night at his digz. Me being the skeptic I was had held out for a long time and finally succumbed only after making it clear that I would not be dishing out. Truth be told is he tried but I held my ground and he gave up.
Hearing stories from mum about friends of friends and “remember auntie so and so.. heh let me tell you how her man…….” as well as hearing my own friends’ stories of thier marriages I have been left wondering about the state of men especially back at home. (I am in no way saying that western men are better or implying anything to that effect.. if that is what is coming across I am either a poor writer or you are a daft reader 🙂
Excuse my disclaimer but I must for I have had the ” just cause you’re married to a zungu” statement thrown into my face a number of times.
Are the standards that have been set for men by women, fathers and society before them been so low that so many men seem to just find it difficult to be honourable men? Are our standards to low that when a woman stupidly puts herself in a compromising situation we already expect the man to behave badly?? Are the standards so low that men find it ok to father children outside marriage AND THEN ABANDON THOSE CHILDREN even when THEY KNOW of the existance of the child? What’s up with that? Why do we all know of so many broken relationships and are hard pressed to find good relationships?
Are the standards so low? Is society to blame or are we just a bunch of messed up people? Is it a human condition?
I honestly thought I knew a few good men and now that I know more they are no longer good men in my books.
Like most people I am aware that I am scrutinised when I am met for the first time. One such occassion stands out due to a number of reasons; today I had my second “stand out” scrutiny episode.
During break time at school.. I was chatting with a classmate from another english speaking country when comes along this very lovely looking lady. My classmate introduced us and we got chatting.
Miss Thang then begun dropping “but do I say-isms”.
“Oh, I have just come back from hoilday and will be going on holiday… I work so hard” …. “I am soo busy with school.. I am doing my masters and then I am xyz at my school… ” …….. “I just love flowers so much… I am getting married this summer.. but I am going on holiday next week”….”Yeah this is my natural hair.. I just had it done in London….”…. “yeah I live between here and London”….yada yada yada.
As she spoke I was being visually scrutinsed and found lacking. Thing was I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. All this time I was wondering what I was supposed to do with her “say-isms”. Remember I mentioned the first time it happened to me.. .. I’ll get to that later. Today I was pleased with myself. A few years ago I would have shriveled internally at the presence of a Miss Thang, but today I was like. “I like myself. I have reached a stage in my life where I actually like whole self… Natural hair, face (I do have my Mrembo moments), funny teeth, interesting tatas, my little pot (that has been the bane of my slimming endevours), jiggly thighs(which I have come to love including every valley and dimple), fabulous legs (they are by the way 🙂 and beautiful feet…!
I love myself and so when Miss Thang was doing her thing which was designed to blow me away, I was alright with it. She was doing her thing and I am doing mine. I was a little amused at the attempt but was glad to find out Mrembo has grown.
A long time ago while still at Uni I was introduced to anotherr Miss Thang. She was the sister of my friend and she was all that. Miss Thang was a tad legendary in our social circles. She was/is beautiful, high achieving, very well dressed, desired,drove the right car, had the right boyfriend etc etc and there I was just looking lost. I remember when my friend introduced me. Miss Thang looked me up down TWICE and slowly. I was found seriously lacking and dismissed with a quickness. To this day I have a very low opinion of Miss Thang. She no longer is so Miss Thangy to me. That few minutes in her presence really shook my self esteem. I already knew that I was not fly let alone superfly so it hurt. I have been told that is her manner and she is actually a very nice person nonetheless my first impression of her remains. I don’t even think she remembers me.I don’t care. I was the scary looking chick who hang out with her superfly little sis….(little sis and I no longer speak… she dumped me for superfly friends(or so I think.. I was never told.. I was just given a cold shoulder and had to get the message. yes it hurt because I loved her….. she was the first really girly girly girlfriend I had.. took me time to get over it… ).
So that was my little story of today.
Big Al galavants around third world countries a lot as part of providing for himself and us.
This trip round I am missing him sana sana sana!
Just thought you should all know 🙂 hehehehe
Do you own a pair of pararad (ashy/dry feet)? If you do then listen up.
During autumn/fall, winter and spring( almost all year round) I fight the battle against ashy feet, even the champion of them all the might Vaseline never seems to do the trick. I think I have finally found the solution. Hello coconut oil. I am talking about the real coconut, unrefined oil. The smelly stuff.
In the midst of searching for tips on how to keep my hair moisturised etc etc.. I found info on the wonders of coconut oil. Quickly I sms-ed mum and told her to bring me some. So far it is doing what it is supposed to be doing for my hair the most important being darkening it. Anyway, so the other day mum says to me ati she had been wondering why her feet were getting ashy and dry. She’d never had the problem and mighty vaseline was not working, so she tried out some of the coconut oil and hey presto. I did not need to be told twice
The stuff works. I slather it on my feet and legs in the morning immediately after my shower and I do not need to moisturize my feet again, my legs is another matter. I am still puzzling as to why I get so dry particularly on the feet and legs. (note: The water here is very hard so I am thinking that has something to do with it!). The trick with coconut oil is to do the stuff immediately you leave the shower and wait a few minutes before you dress. That way, you do not get the smell on your clothes and you can be “amongst people” without them wondering… what the heck is that smell.
It’s doing good stuff for my hair and not for my scalp. I am itching a lot.
So that’s my tip to you hope it works. But I must warn you the stuff does smell and not in a pleasant way.