Big Al and I were chatting as we watched telly. I said,
Mrembo: “I can count two incidents in my life where I have put myself in compromising situations. I agreed to spend a night at xyz’s place and I know he thought he would get some but he didn’t. Luckily he did not force the issue. I actually respect him a lot for that” (before going to xyz’s place I had clearly explained/stated that there would be no hunky punky……I was young and naive!)
Big Al: “Why, see that right there is the problem… why are you respecting him”
Mrembo: “Ala! dude could have forced himself on me but he did not and if he did, it would have been PARTLY my fault for going there and not delivering the goods well knowing that he wanted some”
Big Al: “that is the problem right there, that a guy is given respect for doing what a guy should do. If a woman says no it’s no. Are your standards so low that when a guy acts right you respect him because of that.”
That got me thinking and I think he is right. I admit that agreeing to spend the night at xyz’s was not a brilliant idea.. but like I said, I was young and stupid. Xyz was into my mix and I was not into him sana. He had been pressuring me to spend a night at his digz. Me being the skeptic I was had held out for a long time and finally succumbed only after making it clear that I would not be dishing out. Truth be told is he tried but I held my ground and he gave up.
Hearing stories from mum about friends of friends and “remember auntie so and so.. heh let me tell you how her man…….” as well as hearing my own friends’ stories of thier marriages I have been left wondering about the state of men especially back at home. (I am in no way saying that western men are better or implying anything to that effect.. if that is what is coming across I am either a poor writer or you are a daft reader 🙂
Excuse my disclaimer but I must for I have had the ” just cause you’re married to a zungu” statement thrown into my face a number of times.
Are the standards that have been set for men by women, fathers and society before them been so low that so many men seem to just find it difficult to be honourable men? Are our standards to low that when a woman stupidly puts herself in a compromising situation we already expect the man to behave badly?? Are the standards so low that men find it ok to father children outside marriage AND THEN ABANDON THOSE CHILDREN even when THEY KNOW of the existance of the child? What’s up with that? Why do we all know of so many broken relationships and are hard pressed to find good relationships?
Are the standards so low? Is society to blame or are we just a bunch of messed up people? Is it a human condition?
I honestly thought I knew a few good men and now that I know more they are no longer good men in my books.