I miss her. My mummy. She was here for 3 months and I got used to having her around. We all miss her.
I am very grateful for the time we spent together. It is the first time in many many years that I got to be with my mother. Yes I have been to Nairobi many times in the past 8 years, but we never really spent time. We never really talked. The image/impressions of my mother that I had in my head were images from when I was around 10-12years. After that, I hardly spent time with her (my folks are divorced and I lived with my father from when I was about 13years old)
The first month she was here, I was having a very hard time reconciling the woman that I was thought was my mother then and the woman she is now. Before she left I confessed this very fact to her.
I asked all the questions I had promised myself to ask. What are your hobbies. What makes you happy. Do you have friends, what did you want to be when you were my age. What were your dreams then, what are your dreams now? Do you regret the divorce, would you like to remarry. Why did you used to do this and that? I wanted to know my mother and I think I can honestly say that I now know her. We talked. I explained some things. She listened. For the first time in many years I feel she really listened to me.
I got married without her knowledge (for various reasons) over 6 years ago and only told her last year. She told me, my reason for withholding this info broke her heart. I heard her, she understood me. She is glad that I am “legal”. She loves my family. She met my in-laws and was satisfied. It was a mutual admiration-fest when the in-laws met her. I was glad. Most importantly she was glad.
Before she left she did one her speech things. She likes speeches. Among other things she said to me.
“If God calls me home now before I see you again, I am ok with going. I have now seen where you are, I have seen your family and in-laws. I see they love you, I see you are happy. So I go home now contented and peaceful.”
I had a mango the size of a mountain in my throat.. my defences collapsed when she said
“For the first time in my life in a long long time I have felt taken care of. I have felt welcomed and at home here. I have truly had a holiday, when I have relaxed and been taken care of. Thank for that mummy”
Still brings tears to my eyes. For a long time I had thought she did not love me. I knew on a intellectual level that she loved me.. but I did not think she liked me and my heart did not truly believe that she loved me. As a young girl and later a young woman, my mother was very busy with her career and taking care of everyone else’s problems. I always felt I came 6th or 7th in her list of priorities. Hence I learned to speak only of the good and solve my issues on my own or through books. (this is not a self pity party.. just stating things as they were)
After her visit, I now believe in my heart, head and soul that she loves me. I in turn have always love her, a few years ago I lost sight of this. I now know her, know who she is. I understand so much now. So many things make sense now. It took time but finally we are there.