A few things about me

Baby Bluesy

Big Al won’t even listen to me harp on about this anymore. When I open my mouth and begin the famous sentence “So do you want another baby”… he shakes his head and says “I am not listening to your drama anymore.. make up your mind then come talk to me”

Its like this:

Around early November I met one of my friends from mother group. (She has become a casual friend). We  meet rarely often at daycare when dropping of picking our little ones. Back when we met she said..”guess what I am 15 weeks pregnant….blah blah blah” I did not hear anything else except that. I was busy being shocked and tyring to get a handle of my pregnancy envy! Then I heard my cousin was having her second born, then lady at church was pregnant her second born… it felt like everyone was having their second born.. even on blogshpere.. . KenyanPundit was moving on to number two 🙂

Ala! was how I felt. Up until everyone else’s baby number two.. I was admant I did not want another one. I did not even feel the maternal call for number two that my cousin had told me about. Apparently it strikes when baby number one is about 1.5-2 years. That was not all….. I had not slept properly in almost 2 years, neither had I worked in 3 years. The idea of baby  number 2 was so appalling to me. I was not bothered.  Til November rolled in with all the number twos popping up here there and everywhere.

Thus begun my nagging

Monday: Mrembo to Big Al: “Its a good thing you are happy with just one child.. no way in hell I am having another one.. and anyway what’s wrong with just one child.. I mean.. what about women who can only have one”

Tuesday : Mrembo to Big Al: “Are you ok about having another baby.. I think I want one.. I can handle it.. Nikh needs a sister or brother .. what do you think.. that name you picked out is pretty cool.. works both ways”

Wednesday: Mrembo to Big Al: “Can you imagine xyz is having baby number 2. She crazy and number one is only 1 year old. Lucky them at least they have grandparents to babysit… no way I am having another baby… imagine all the work and not grandparents to babysit”

Thursday: Mrembo to Big Al  ” I want another baby.. I really do. I want another baby for me.. not for Nikh to have a sibling but because I want another one. Lets go make another one 🙂 (This is the only part Big Al is interested in hearing!!)

And so on and so forth. That is how it has been since november. I AM CONFUSED. But one thing remains, I do want another one.

Did I tell you that in my mother group, out of the six babies, there is something wrong with 2. That is 2 in 6 have issues. The common denominator is that both parents were over 35 when they had thier respective child. There is no medical diagnosis as to what is wrong with them.  One of them is just slow… as in mum told us it is not Downs nor could the docs say what it was after observing baby in hospital for the 4 days they were admitted. She is slow in all the developmental milestone and will probably be thus as an adult… just slow.  The other one had a difficult birth (kid was even baptised the day he was born.. cause they did not think he would make it).. at 2 he is not yet walking. Scary stuff.

I say this to reinforce to me that my plan for retiring the uterus after 35 is a sensible one.

Now comes in my biggest dilemma.

I am 32 years old.  Currently I have no career to speak of.  I am back at school “re-training” so as to start another career in a niche area of my general educational background (does that make sense). If I decide to get pregnant later in the year…(aiming for a Sept/Oct2010 birthdate). That means.. I will have completed my course.. go on maternity leave for at least 9 months ( daycare here  does not take in babies younger than 9 months.. or was it six)..then start looking for a job in that field after a 6-9months no work or study …. eh.. does not look good.

The other strategy would be to wait and get preggers late next year.. aiming for a Sept/Oct 2011 birthdate (makeing the age difference between my babies 4 years.. which is not bad when I think about it) But I will be  knocking on 35… which is still within my boundaries…. Hence allowing me enough time to have found a job within my new career.. work for a year.. then take time out to have my baby ama??

I guess I just solved the issue.

And you men think that having babies is a willy nilly decision for women… especially working women in Europe.

My hat off to all the working mothers in the Western block. It is not easy! Those in AFrica.. eh.. the challenge is not the same… at all. You all still have the village to look out for your babies!

Comments on: "Baby Bluesy" (4)

  1. Kenyan Pundit said:

    Pole, you are right…it’s much easier in this part of the world…much respect to you guys. Still, it’s a tough call because you have to make it just when things were finally in a rhythm.

    “precisely”

    Decided back to back was they way to go…finish mara moja before I get too settled career wise etc. and forgot those hard early day. I made the call not knowing that Ushahidi would blow up and things would be crazy busy, but you know somehow it works in the end. And Gabi loves her baby sister to death 🙂

    That’s really sweet about Gabi loving small sis. Congrats again… and I realised I had blundered when I said small sis looked exactly like Gabi.. I went back and looked at photos and realised I was wrong.. but there is a baby I have seen somewhere on the net that looks exactly like her. When I find it I will let you know”

  2. “…daycare here does not take in babies younger than 9 months..” so does that mean working mamas get paid for 9 mths. maternity leave? Bliss!..compared to out here where there’s no such thing as maternity leave.
    Paid maternity leave is a year. I am not sure how the pay works out.. but almost all working mothers go back to work.. starting around when the baby is 9months to 12 months. I do know that the first 3 months you get full pay.. then half.. and then not sure how it works there after

    About baby #2, here’s my thing – don’t think too hard about it or else you’ll never do it. There’s no perfect time. You could do it now, close shop, endure another 2+ yrs of interrupted sleep:) and pick up on that career towards your mid 30s or you could put it off until you have your career up and running…at which point you’ll have several competing demands. Either way it’s tough on us mamas that want it all. I say go for it no

    That is part of what I have been thinking. I am pretty much settled on some dates.. just waiting to see how things go along. That wanting it all is the prob … 🙂

  3. i was here yesterday and left not knowing what to say.

    I didn’t get the benefit of putting too much thought into planning about nos 2 and 3. I think Denzel and I were just stupid enough to get on with “it” without protection. I must clarify that for us, no.3 was a special delivery from heaven, never mind we didn’t ask, neither was sufficient time granted to raise no.2. So we basically raised them all together. To be honest, it is only when i look at them now, all grown that we marvel, “how did we do that?” Yet, I will never forget Denzel night after night, at around 11 pm in the kitchen shooshing mish to sleep, with the lights off, and I on the couch, breast feeding Alex in silence so that he falls asleep, so that we can then get to sleep.
    At one time we had a huge ugly bed that could sleep 5, (lau would creep in early in the morning to join ‘everybody else’. But that was in Kenya, in Europe that would be just mad.

    Whatever you decide all the best. I have been told that life starts at 40. i am not there yet, so I guess i haven’t started living. But hey, you have 8 years to make and raise more babies, then start life 🙂

    Its good to hear your story! The bed thing I so understand.. at one point all three of us were in bed and it just got to be too much. Nikh insists on sleeping horizontally. We finally figured out what his issue is. He likes to feel something against his head and feet. When in our bed it was either one of us at both ends. Now he sleeps in his cot with a big cushion at his head and a bunched up blanket at his feet.

    I am looking forward to my 40s both with trepidation and excitement!

  4. kenyanreality said:

    The 2 babies that sadly have issues were born to parents over 35? This is one of my bigger worries being 33 on to 34 and yet to find right partner. I don’t think I will make it to the 35 deadline to have a baby.

    Well I guess the french put it perfectly que sera sera (what will be will be)

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