I have just been at Mashada reading a thread about Development or something to that effect. About the possiblity of creating fedral states in Kenya aka Majimboism etc etc. I have forgotten the title of the thread. I read the first 3-4 pages in their entiriety and started getting agitated and stressed. I know that by opting not to follow any kind of news or “African development/the way forward for Africa” I am in essence burying my head in the sand. That’s fine with me. Why, because I look at my circle of influence and say to myself, “what can I do here and now for Kenya or Uganda, what am I doing” the answer, nothing. So then why should I stress myself by getting embroiled in conversation, speculation and postulation about things I can hardly do anything about. I have agreed with myself if I decide to do anything then I shall go into politcs or development and since that is not what I want at this point in my life.. my head continues to be buried in the sand.
I will say this though, that there are many intelligent, passionate dedicated Kenyans out there who all want the same thing for thier country and tribes. PEACE AND DEVELOPMENT. My mind struggles to find the solution to this. I have always said to my husband that I have dictatorial tendencies. God help everyone if I ever became president. I would just kill everyone in my quest to put Kenya/Uganda on the map. I think someone needs to blow up the whole sitting parliament so that we can start afresh with a new crop of leaders. If they then succeed in screwing things up like the current batch, then once and for all we will know that as a people we are seriously fucked up! That’s just the way I see it.
Haya on to other stuff now that that’s off my chest.
Finally finally my 2 year old son is sleeping through the night in his crib. HALLELUJAH! What a ride this sleep thing has been.
It is not all perfection. But it is 100% better than it used to be. He wakes up once for his bottle between 2.30 and 4.00am then again at around 6.30 then he sleeps till 8.00am. He gets to bed pretty late , usually at 9.30pm.. now that summer is here and in winter at 9.00pm. Any earlier than that becomes a waste of my and his time. He is saying more and more words.He speaks to me in English and to his Dad in Danish. When hungry he say.. “mummy food, eat” When I say speak I mean 5 or 6 clear words.. the rest is just baby speak jumbled stuff that as a mother you learn to decode. But there certainly is a lot of progresss. Today for the first time he came into the living room and said “how u mummy” He is so grown. He is still not the biggest eater infact he is the thinnest in his day care class, but not the shortest. At his 2 year check up he was a little under the normal weight gain curve which had me worried. Eating is still a bit of an issue. As long as he does not snack during the day, then he will eat very well. Once he snacks or has sweets.. that is his eating ruined for the day. Big Al keeps saying that his eating genes have not kicked in yet given the way the both of us like to eat. Did I say he is lovely. God he is beautiful!
Where to start. Very interesting stuff between us. I’ve told you before that me and him talk a lot. So the other day on a drive to an animal park we got talking about personal development and I was telling him how I had a light bulb moment,( courtsey of some “live your best life” podcast): that tweaking and reevaluating your life is a continous process. There never comes one point where you can say “ah I have fixed this once and for all, never have to look at it again” One has to keep checking, taking stock, tweaking here and there, straigtening out priorities because things change, time goes by and life is never static. He laughed and said that is how he felt about money issues. Big Al hates dealing with money issues.
In a perfect world he would only have to deal with going to work earning money and the rest sort out themselves. This worked fine in England, we both worked, I did all the nitty gritty and would just give him papers saying “sign here, sign here and there”. As long as the money he wanted was there, he did not bother with the rest. I on the other hand like to tweak, move, save, do this and that to the money. Funny thing is that he is easy with letting money go and I hoard it. His attitude is “I can always get money” mine is “Hoard all you can cause you never know when you will see it again” Anyway like I said.. it worked perfect in England.. then we moved here Denmark that is.
and things just went to hell in a handbasket. Suddenly he had to do the tweaking and stuff because of my language deficiency. He has hated every single minute of it. When he finally said this to me in the car I was like “I know.. and I have hated every minute of having to give up that control to you.. but guess what soon I am going to be able to do this on my own”. He says “can’t be soon enough for me” More and more I am taking control over it. If you think other countries have a confusing tax, pay, banking system, you haven’t been to Denmark.
It got me thinking about how relationships work. There is no one true way. A couple has to find what works for them. My husband hates having to deal with the nitty gritty of money. I love to get my hands deep into it. It works for us. Find what works for you and to hell with what everyone else says.
Monday is around the corner. That means my exams which means FINALLY FINALLY I am through with this course. Lord I cannot wait! I have gone from not caring whether I pass or fail to “girl you have to pass cause we just don’t do fail”. I am still to find out if I am to be employed on a permanet basis at my current job ironing clothes. I hate my job, I love earning money at the end of the month. I love the freedom of having just a little bit extra to buy shoes, save some for the house. But I need to get a better job. So with my exams around the corner, I finally relaunched my job hunt. For the record. I ABSOLUTELY HATE HAVING TO LOOK FOR WORK . At 32 I feel and think it is humilating that I still have to be looking for “the right job”. Just this past Friday I was crying about it. Crying tears because a friend said she thinks I have opted to give up. I was hurt and hurt and pissed off. So all I did at work was look at my life and choices and came to the conclusion that I am doing the right thing for me for now and that my plans are on the right track and if that fails.. I get up and try again. But let me tell you this, I am TIRED OF picking myself off my career floor, dusting myself off and trying again. Fuck it all. But I want money. So like I said to Big Al, “new strategy in place…. playing lotto just got added to the mix”. He laughed till he cried. Looked at me and asked me how that is a strategy. I said “i have been doing this career hunt thing for about 7 years and nothing has come up yet.. keep doing same thing and expecting different results = madness. Play lotto = changing strategy doing something new.. watch this space
My break is almost over gotta hit the books.