A few things about me

Married affairs

I will try to do the post justice. It might not work since I will be retelling conversations between hubby and me. So if it does not make sense just ignore.

The reason I am posting is because a few days back I was speaking to my girlfriend’s husband, lets call him Ralph and we ended up talking for ages on the phone about a subject matter that had only recently been reharshed in my house.  To sum it all up I will call the topic  “How wives appreciate husbands”

Big Al has on occassion said that sometimes he just gives up trying to do stuff cause even when he does it at my nagging and demands, he gets no praise or appreciation for it. So it’s like why bother. My rebuttal to this  usually was “if it is stuff like picking up your socks and helping around the house, I don’t see why you need thanks.” To which he responded, “All I am saying is when I start doing the stuff you have been nagging me to do, I get nothing back from you . Like when I start spending more time with you guys instead of work, I don’t get “a positive” feed back”.

The first time he said this to me, I will be honest, I thought to myself “fucking hell, now what, I gotta kiss your ass for doing the right thing” but my passive agressive side just withdrew into a ka-cold war and into thinking about what he had said. I tell you my hubby is lucky, cause me, I always take time to think about what he has said, in order to asses whether what he says has some validity to it or he is talking outta his ass. So I got to thinking and thinking about the times I get pissed about him not “appreciating” MY efforts and attempts to please him or at his request/nag 🙂 and I saw the light. In the same way I wanted him to tell me “well done” on having applied for that job or “you are are really good mother” or “the food you cooked was off the chain” or “you are one hot woman! or “you’re beautiful, I am amazed you chose me” (yes I’m needy like that 🙂 ) was the same way he needed to here me say “it’s lovely you spent the time with us without mentioning work”  or a simple quick “thanks for doing the bed” or the big things like  “you’re so hot, you totally turn me on” or “I was thinking about all the hard work you do to keep a roof over our heads and stuff so I bought you this Ipod shuffle as a thank you”. It’s all the same. Men need it just as much as women do.. but it is different stuff for me and women.

So when  Ralph  was bringing up this stuff I was laughing cause Big Al and I had sorta finally just sorted this issue out (this time round) and to hear another guy more or less say the very thing that Big Al had been saying to me I was like “okay”. This stuff is seriously important.

Marriage is constant constant work. Forever tweaking and tankering with stuff allowing for two individuals to live together in harmony and happiness. I never want to stay married to Allan and feel that my dreams had to be sacrificed, yet at the same time I do realise me being married demands certain sacrifices on my part. Sacrifices that I find myself more and more willing to make because ultimately, I wanted to have children and I now want to raise DECENT HUMAN BEINGS and I can only do that in certain conditions. I know that for me being a stay at home wife is not right, yet I don’t want a job that requires me to work 37 hours a week (standart working week).  3 days a week, works perfectly for me. The more I plan for baby number 2 the more I find out about myself and what is important for me and sometimes it surprises me.

I like having a happy husband. I like being happy with my husband. I like my life as Big Al’s wife. I love and like what we have together and because of that I want to do stuff that makes us thrive as a couple and individually. I know a lot of single women reading this may not fully understand that part about appreciating the man in the way I described it above…. all I can say is “wait your turn then come tell me”. I think when anyone marrys right, its a beautiful thing.

One of my favourite things to do when walking in town is to observe all the older couples, walking together holding hands, it just makes me smile.  These days i like watching couples with kids in town, seeing thier interaction. You can always tell those that are still doing ok and those that well… “today was a bitch ass of a day” couples.

I no longer know what I am saying.  But my intial attempt was to say that men just like women need for thier loved ones to show thier appreciation to them. Nag him enough and he will tell you what he likes to hear from you, then you can take it away from there and remember in the same way you as a woman can tell he is faking.. so can he.

and as I finish off.. let me leave with you this ka-story

I remember while I was still working in the UK, a new collegue admited to me that she and hubby were having a rough patch and she was pissed that he never said nice things to her.  That day she was to meet him during our  lunch break and she was already in a mood so I said to her.. “just tell him something nice about himself do. Like he looks really good today or that the shirt is nice you know something”. She looked at me and shook her head as if to you say “yeah right”. Anyway so she went for the lucnh and when she got back she said nothing, then just before we left for home she said to me.

“oh you know that thing you said about telling him something nice, when he walked into the shop, he had his sun glasses on and he looked really cool and hot , so I told him so and he was really shocked and pleased.. we had a nice lunch”.

You know the romantic in me was pleased as punch.

have a complimenting day darlings.

 

Comments on: "Married affairs" (5)

  1. This really good Mrembo

  2. Great post. I have archived it in my head for ‘future reference’ 🙂

  3. Mrembo. Great post. The only thing that will ever make you realise how it is is actually wearing the t-shirt and accepting that marriage is one big conversation, one big negotiation, and a constant compromise. And its something you have to work at every single day.

    In our culture, we have a saying in marriage that when loosely translated (direct will never work), means “it’s OK to give way” (when referring to understanding and compromising for the sake of the marriage.

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