A few things about me

Archive for September, 2009

@#* bleh “#! and everything

I had run out of gas totally. Decided not to push it and rode the gas-less wave. Then someone sent me an “I think you should try this one out” email. I looked at the email and thought, yeah, I can do this. The engine begun to rev. Been so long since I had that feeling and I got into the groove of things.

Did the first cover letter sent it off for editing and stuff. That was today morning. An hour ago I was filling out this long-ass application form and guess what, I get to part 8, the end of it all and frigging bleh!.  I had to attached a cover letter, which I had not yet done, cause my stupid reasoning concluded that I would not need it. So I start to do the cover letter and in the process loose all the work I had done because the totally useless website does not let you close, save and return later. effing shit if you ask me.

I am off work this week and next due to moving house and Nikh starting daycare at a new place. I am beat. (yeah right, and you still have time to blog) bugger off I say!

Two things, being without loads of money is a pain. Living in Europe can be a pain. I could do with some cheap labour ala homestyle. Me, who has never painted a wall in my life spent 5 hours painting 1 room and 4 cupboard doors. Big Al is totally swamped at work with a deadline for tomorrow, so at the moment, I am dealing with the physical aspects of the house move alone.

Should I tell you of the melt down we both had, as in Big Al and I. Total meltdown that led to one of those yucky talks anyone in a  good relationship should and will have.

Anyway since I stopped expecting life to be fair and since I lost my I deserve xyz because xyz  attitude, my life with regards to handling issues has been so much easier. So here we are Big Al and I, totally overwhelmed with stuff. We are having major renovations done to the house cause the house is dated. I found the workmen, Big Al cut the deal after lenghty discussion between us and the bank. In come family with, are you serious, no way, we could get you a better deal . Nothing like making you second guess your decision, then all the other stuff,setting up new bills for the new house, paying off old ones, will we or will we nor hire a moving truck. I am yeah he is aye. Work,  do we have enough money for this, is Nikh’s stuff ready for his new daycare, the owner of the flat wants an exact move out date, we finally agree on the date and on top of all this  our normal life still has to go on while all this is taking place, food’s got to be cooked, house kept clean, toddler entertained, you know normal life. Talk about a pressure cooker enviorment. Come Sunday, explosion baby!

We don’t do shouting matches. Never have. Not our style. But we have done and do, snide comments, passive aggressive shit, emotional withdrawal.. you get the drift. So anyway, I had had enough so I drew the first shot and off we were. Yesu! Some of those talks are hard, but you know what, you gotta do it cause you have to get the emotional stuff on the table, feelings and all. It sounded little bit like this

Mrembo: I can’t help if you don’t tell me what is going on with you.

Big Al: There is no point in telling you cause I get shut down, like my issues are non-issues, here is the solution, let’s move on to Mrembo’s issues.

Mrembo: What the fuck are you talking about, that’s what you do to me, and then… blah blah blah.

Big Al: We are fundamentally different in the way we view issues and I have accepted that

Mrembo: That is not fair for you to say….(on something he had said earlier)

and so it went until we finally got to the point of understanding where the other was coming from and as I type this I can’t help but think, what exactly was the issue.(we were both suffering from  having withdrawn from each other and living seperate lives for about 1 week and as a result you start to feel disconnected and unhappy and my spouse don’t give a fig about me feeling begin to crop up) It’s uncomfortable to talk about the issues where you feel your spouse is letting you down and it is hard to hear about your own failings in fulfilling your spouse’s emotional needs. It’s these silent killers that just build and build and because one never talks about it, then one day you find yourself throwing in the towel.

At the end of our convo Big Al said “it’s hard work being married” and I was like “no shit”. (of the two of us, I swear, he almost never swears… me.. .my mouth ain’t so clean)

So yeah, that is how it goes with me. We were laughing today saying, yeah, just bring on something else we can handle it. The good thing is we are on the same page albeit we disagree on a few things here and there, but same page none-the-less and Baby Nikh is such a happy child. He is so happy and glad that  even when both his parents are feeling stressed and stuff, he makes us laugh with his totally genius moments.

In a way I feel energised. I can deal with this. Big Al and I are in it together

I really wish, many times I have wished so, that I was one of those who blogged about happy stuff, good stuff, all is going good in my life, but that’s just not my life, it’s up and down and.. well it is my life and so far I am ok with it. Would I change some things.. you bet.. like MORE MONEY MORE MONEY MORE MONEY, better job, better clothes, better shoes, you get my drift, but would I exchange my life with anyone’s hell no. Do I wish I had someone else’ life. It’s been a long while since that crossed my mind, a very long while.  Would I trade in my husband…. hmm now… if you had asked me this question last week.. I would have been like… maybe , today my answer is hell no!

Have a blessed day. I am off to bed. It is 23.36

I have read through once, forgive me if there are annoying mistakes… but I gotta go sleep.

East African authors

I need recommendations for some East African authors.

If you are a regular reader of this blog you know I love love romance novels and in particular American romance stuff. I devour the stuff with no shame . I also read a lot of general fiction of which I am just getting back into. Few weeks ago I decided to look through the English books section at the central library and was  pleasantly surprised to find a reasonable collection.

Anyway, reason I want some recommendations is because I am in the process of creating a wish list for myself at Amazon and would like to add some more African fiction to my collection.

here’s what you should keep in mind prior to recommending. I do not do, colonial or post colonial stories.. ala Ngugi wa Thiongo. I just don’t. I have no interest at all in that time period. I am more interested in current stuff, more like the short stories in the Kwani series.. but novel of lenght .

About a year ago, Midnighttraintojoburg (hey girl!!) recommended authors one whom I throughly enjoyed, Buchi Ementeta and the South African girl.. (her book in on my wish list)

So go ahead a hit me with some recommendations.

Here’s a list of what I have read in the past three weeks

“An interuption of Everything” – Terry Mcmillan (America general fiction)

“The Devil and Miss Prym” – Paulo Cuehlo (Brazilian general fiction). Got him at the library and they have a number of them so going to knock my self out. Also saw  “The No. 1 Detective” series books by that British author. I have only read one of them, intend to read all of them ever since I heard that the series with Jill Scott in the lead has been a big hit.

Dark Dagger Brotherhood series (5 of them) – JR Ward (America paranormal romance fiction) This is a re-read. Read all the books last year.

“Mercury’s War” – Lora Leigh (American paranormal romance fiction)

A book by Nora Roberts.. actually it was like 3 of them..(instantly forgettable) but entertaining romance

Prior to that I was into self help stuff where I read or tried to read “The Road less travelled” by M. Scott Peck.  While on that wave I also read and finished “They Fuck you up” by James Oliver and “Family First” by Dr. Phil…… eh..   you can tell I was going through some things.  James Oliver’s book was very interesting and had some interesting points.

Don’t know about you guys but I have a hard time reading British prose and that’s not to say I never read British authors. I will but only if I can get it free or really cheap. 


Oh and for all you “House” fans, wasn’t the opening of  season 6 or is it 5 just fantabulous.

This post is inspired by the BBC list of great hundred books of which they say most people have only read 6 at most. I had done 20. I know someone who has done like 40 . I think the list was crap. Who likes Charles Dickens etc. I only read those classics because I did literature until Uni and only for my first year at Uni there after I dropped it like hot potatoe cause I just did not click how the lecturer was deciphering plots and stuff. I would be like “where the hell did you get that from… I didn’t get that vibe at all”

Here’s the BBC list


so how many did you do???

hot like faya!

If I could do like she do, her in the white pants.. baby I would be hot  hot! off to practice

(now let’s hope this works)





and then there is the other version which is more like I do.


My saturday has been lazy, cozy and wonderful. Hope yours was the same. Nothing beats an unstressful Saturday where I get to be lazy do things at my own /family pace and still manage to get some house work done.

I did two batches of laundry, went window shopping with Big Al and Nikh for paint and detoured by “Clearance” furniture sale place where I saw a chair that I WANT. Big Al was getting overwhelmed cause I was like, “we should get that one, that one and that one”. In the end he was like  “shut it….. we are not getting anything till we move in. Me I was like “I am getting my chair”.

We got some good news yesterday. We were supposed to get the keys to the new house at the end of the month, however the couple has since moved out and are willing to hand over the keys early next week.  It is absolutely fantastic cause we will have enough time to paint the house…. hence the window shopping for the house and move in slowly while making the deadline for leaving our current apartment. Did I tell you all I viewed the house only once and signed on the dotted line. By the time we found our house, we had  been to so many viewings, Big Al and I were both getting fed up, then there was the fact that we were shopping for a house of a certain size within a certain price range which just made it next to impossible to find something we both felt..”wow” about. So by the time we walked into this house I said to him ..”this is it babes. This is our house”

But I detract from the point of this post, its about my saturday. So yeah that was about all I have done today. It is now 22:10. Big Al has just taken Nikh to put him to bed. Yes it is late but on Saturdays he does this 3.5hr nap in the afternoon, meaning there is no way he is going to bed at his usual time.

After this post I am going to fold a whole load of laudry to put away tomorrow morning cause I want to get up, go running, get back and go grocery shopping before midday and laze the rest of the day away.

Finally I am getting to why I am blogging.

Just finished watching “District 9”. LOVED IT! I don’t think I have told you this but I am a sci-fi chick. All movies sci-fi action adventure I am there.  How many times have I watched “Alien and Aliens and Alien the resurrection”. Some of what I consider the all time best are

  •  Predator (The original)
  • Alien and Aliens
  • The Matrix 1 and Matrix 3 (didn’t feel 2 at all)
  • Alien vs Predator (some folks thought it sucked.. I w as entertained)
  • District 9

I will admit to not having watched any of the “Star Wars” flicks and therefore do not qualify as a die hard sci-fi fan.. (who said)

Anyway i also watched “Next Day Air”. It has been so long since I laughed like that. Big Al and I both loved it to death.

Whenever I watch movies I usually go to www.imdb.com to check out reviews and comments and was disappointed that “Next Day Air” got a 6.7/10 which I felt was unfair. But Big Al explained it thus. He said that “if you do not know/understand black american culture, then you will not understand some of the jokes, so probably that’s why the low rating”. I think he was on to something.

So that’s it from me. Wanna watch something, check out “Next Day Air” and “District 9”


Last Night – Ladies Circle

So let me tell you about last night. I am still pumped.

First, I was really really proud of me. I held my own, didn’t display my stupidity which tends to rise when I am amongst new, what-I-think -to-be-impressive people! (what a mouthfull). I was calm cool and collected, like James Bond, only the chick version.

Remember I have mentioned that I joined a women’s association and got matched to a mentor. Well my mentor thought it would be good for me to get into another women’s association that is primarily danish. The idea is that through the association I would learn (or as the goverment likes to put it “intergrate”) better into Danish society. Anyway my mentor, let’s call her Annie, thought it would be good for me to get to have a “network” of proffessional danish women. Her being a member, she hooked me up. I passed the “screening interview” back in January. I would have joined then, but I had just started school, and my job so was not willing to commit to something else til i was finished with school. So we agreed that I would attend my first meeting after I was out of school and after the summer break.

That was last night and wow! Oh wow! It was like another world all together. For the firstime since I came to Denmark I was in the presence of women like myself. Duh! not the skin color, but career women with jobs and families. The group is called Ladies Circle. (www.ladiescirlce.org) You can read more about them, but basically it is more like the  Chama za Kina mama groups back home of which my mother has been a member of countless number. Her most current seems to be her most fun. Same principle, though with the added extra of somtimes having presentations from companies etc etc.

So on to the women. These women si kidogo. As in without this hook up, I would never have seen this side of middle class Denmark. My social contacts here are limited to less than a handful of African friends. Actually 3, who are university educated, middle class women. The rest of my of social life consists of my husband’s family. My best friend (if you are reading this, I do consider you my best 🙂 ) lives in England and she is like my main “friend/conversation outlet. Without her, I would basicallyhave given up on Europe and been a hermit. I love you!

So it was interesting to see what life is like in this part of the social ladder  and very EYE OPENING. Here is the thing, it is the same, whether is it Kenya, Uganda or England. Middle upper class is the same accross the world. Same aspirations, same values, same same same. But I had not been exposed to it here in Denmark.

It was fun to see the number of BMWs, Audis, Toyota (in DK it is a high end car). To note the expensive shoes and clothes, the watches… salala.. the rings.. oh my!

But heres the best part, I held my own baby not in terms of clothes or jewlery, but my own in terms of I was ok in my skin and I loved that. There was a time I would have been awed but I have slowly come to realise that just because my career is in the dumps it does not take away from the fact that I am a sensible, smart, intelligent, self-loving person who has a lot to contribute and add. Due to the financial situation a number of the women there have been dealing with being fired and there I was totally understanding how they feel and thinking.. “we are all the same” no difference at all.

So what did I get out of it apart from the obvious, becoming a member etc. It reinforced that Mrembo has it going on. That I am a woman of worth and as long as I keep on doing my thing to be the best I can be in all facets of my life I am totally ok and I love that.

Be fulfilled.


  1. I occasionally, as in very occasionally get emails from my blog. It is so occassional that I don’t log in to it for weeks at a time. So I would like to say that it is not that I am ignoring you it is just that because I HARDLY EVER get any emails there, I HARDLY EVER check it hence my often delayed responses. When I do get an email, you should see my smile. I promise to check it more often , at least once a week. So don’t be put off if I have not responsed.

That was all.


My baby

What does it say of my mothering when my son’s all time favourite song is “Forever” by Chris Brown. That he is slowly learning the words and sings along when he can.

Or that one of his new words is “Holy crap”… tickled me funny the first time I heard it off him. We were  cuddling on the couch watching some kids tv or cartoon  and I was reading something, when out of the blue or so it seemed to me he said “Holy crap” at something on the screen. I laughed my head off. I know, totally wrong… but could not help myself.

His favourite movie of all time is “Alivin and the Chipmunks”  aka chi munx, which we have watched 1.5million times. His current DVD of the moment is Eric Wainanin’s “Daima” which is a must see every day when we get back from daycare. Today I got dragged from the kitchen (where I was cooking pilau which I had been hungering for for over a week) into the living room to dance with him to “Adhiambo”. His favourite song on the dvd is “Nchi ya kitu Kidogo” and he totally loves the opening scene.

And finally he has a new thing where in order to get to bath we get all his small plastic toy friends into the bath. They are.. in no particular order Postman Per, Peter Plys (English version is Winnie the Pooh), Teddy, Ajay, Tiger. Works like a charm.

He lights up my world!

Goodnight lovies.

PS ever noticed how all or majority of my blog entries are done late in the evening. That’s when I usually get a moment.

Oh and last thing. I have been getting some pretty strange friend requests on Facebook and I do ignore. Thing is if I do not know you I WILL ignore you. I don’t like the whole, I don’t know you but wanna be your friend.

PSSS. Nikh’s toy train just started singing all on it’s own. How creepy. It’s 23:03 and I am in the livingroom. Me thinks we have a resident ghost.. woooh hooo!

How come?

I don’t like her. Why? Can’t even tell you why. Not that she has done anything to me. Infact she has been nothing but friendly and nice but still I don’t like her. It’s hard to admit this since I consider myself a decent person. I just don’t not like people. But her, something about her rubs me the wrong way, a vibe, an air that she gives off that totally makes me not like her.

Am I jealous of her. That is the only other plausible reason. I try to be nice around her, infact I sought put myself in her space, a weird compulsion, but I do. I guess it is true, instict and all. My first impression of her, the very first time we met was “bitch, stupid and naive”. That was after listening to her, yet the lady who introduced me to her calls her friend. So again I ask

“Mrembo baby, are you jealous? Is it because she has “a seemingly better life, whatever that means. Is it because she seems not to have suffered, or is it her air of entitlement!”

All I know is that I don’t like her and I think my suspcisons of jealousy are the root cause and that totally IRKS me cause I DON’T DO JEALOUSY!