Oh to be human!
Take a look at me , listen to me, live with me you may think you k now me. But how much do we truly know each other. Does a wife truly know her husband and vice-versa.
I hate it when it happens, when you think you know someone and then they open up to you for whatever reasons.. Perhaps you have now passed a test, a test you didn’t know you were a participant and having so passed they reveal themselves to you. I sit there, shocked to the bottom of my soul, trying to pretend that what I am hearing is totally ok and nothing out of the norm meanwhile my heart is pounding a mile a minute and the expression stuck of my face is one of calm. All I can think is
“what the fuck am I supposed to do with this information now”.
You have just emotionally transfered your issues to me, your heart at peace and now I am left with this “thing around my soul” not knowing what or how to dispell it for in confessing to me, you have bound me to secrecy.
The thing you don’t know is that in confessing to me, my perception/view/opnion of you is also now changed and no thank you! I did not want it to change. I liked you just the way I liked you because I thought I knew you. Now I am having to work so hard to remind myself that that’s just another facet of you of your humanity and I am no better than you, perhaps I just know how to hold on to my secrets and deeds. I remind myself that in all the years I have known you, you have been nothing but good people to me so that just another facet and ugly one, a very ugly one.. but…..but what? I don’t know.
(PS: I know I have mixed up the articles and tenses above… I know)
Has that ever happened to you. When someone opens up to you and it leaves you gaping and wondering. Or when you hear about someone and you are left astound because what you hear is only evil.. but what you have experinced is only good. From one and the same person.
Case in point: Mum’s friend. We were at a mall in town and mum had been waiting for me. I get back to her and she is with one of her friends. She introduces me to her friend who is also heading back home. This lady lives in the same estate as we do. We invite her to share the cab home. When we get home V, mum’s maid opens the door as we unload the car.
So I am in the kitchen and V comes in chuckling. I ask what’s up and she says “hmmm you mother has some very strange friends I tell you” So I ask what she means and she responds I should ask mum. So I ask mum and mum laughs tells V to tell me the story. So V begins. Now V has been mum’s made for over 6 years. She comes 3 times a week or less. Lives in Kibera and works for a number of people in the estate and else where.
V’s story goes that mum’s friends is evil personified. After a full day’s work at her house maids get only ksh 50!! yes 50 b0b. And dare you come back asking for your money. As for that 50 bob you’re lucky if you get it. The going rate for a day’s work in Nairobi is Ksh 200 or so I am told. She treats her maids like dogs and all the old school maids around know not to work there. V continues laughing saying when you meet her at church she is like Mary mother of Jesus. Loving, welcoming, dressed to the nines and owes you like 3 months pay.
Mum’s story about her friend goes: She is so good. Anytime she has any new project stuff, she swings by and lets mum know. She has been very supportive regarding a certain issue. Always invites mum to her digs to relax and chill. Has confided in mum about her personal life which is just full of drama (her daughter run off with her man! just to start there). Mum likes her and appreicates her. Good christian woman who was even an usher at church
One and the same person. So who the fuck is she and does mum or V really know her?
So like my dear confessor. I don’t know how I feel about you any more. I am confused. I won’t show you, I ‘ll be me and you be you but know this, in confessing to me, something about you in me shifted and I don’t yet have a name for it. All I know is that just like me you are human.