A few things about me

Archive for the ‘Baby Stuff’ Category

Me and my babies

KK seems is of the conviction and belief that the only place to sleep is on mummy. The only place to chill is on mummy. The only person who can comfort and love her is mummy and that is all good until we acknowledge that mummy is ahuman being who needs a break once in a while.

Unlike when her brother was 4 weeks old, KK loves the car and her pram. Put her in eithr of them and get moving, she will sleep all way. For that I am grateful.

Today I was in DIRE need of a break  from my normal house routine with the car at my disposal, KK got packet into her car seat and we went window shopping at City Vest. (by the way, I promised myself that I will not be buying any new clothes till next summer. This is because when I finally finished unpacking all the boxes from our move last year …yeah took me that long to unpack.. I realised I had lots of clothes and good ones at that.. so until I use them, no more new clothes for me. See that’s not a hard thing for me cause I have never been a clothes horse. The only thing I want is a new pair of boots and a pair of closed, cute, comfy shoes which I can just slip into as in no laces no buckles. Oh and two sweaters. The current ones I have been wearing are like 4 years old and I wear them a lot…. I digress)

While at the mall I bumped into L and her kids.  What rubbish small talk we made. Her promising to call and me nodding saying yeah while I know that she will not call and has no intention of maintaining contact. This is how it is with L. I met her about 2 years ago, visited her twice, invited her numerously to my digs, she never showed. Called her twice , the third time was at the prompting of her hubby cause she was going through some thangs. All the time she was full of hot air about keeping in touch. Now I just play along. “yeah, see you soon and keep in touch.. mmh.. good call me when you can”. I’m ok with it cause I have figured her out.. which is basically.. “I am not interested in pursuing this further.. but will be polite” Something I have learned about people is to accept them where they are at and not to say stuff I do not mean.

Back to the mall: There were the cutest baby winter outfits and boys jackets…. I had to restrain myself. KK definietly needs those onsies winter overalls and Nikh needs a second winter flight suit. I need to check and see if his jackets from January  2010  still fit.

That was the mall. KK slept the whole time. In that way she is lovely.  Manga-manga-ring with her is a possibility. I bought a pair of work-out shorts cause you know I am going to start working out.  Then I stopped by the only shop which has jeans that fit my thighs and was disgusted at how jiggly my thighs are. That mirror in that changing room scared me. It was after that that I swung by the sports shop to get the workout shorts.. weeeh.. jiggly is not acceptable.  Oh then I saw my tummy. In that mirror at that shop. Mpaka I am wondering about my mirror at home which is not showing me all these things that I saw today.

I have stretch marks from carrying KK. I never got them with Nikh. They are not many nor unsightly. Infact they don’t really bother me that much. I wear them as a badge of honour.. bwana, I have carried 2 children, wonderful, beautiful children. My body has not let me down during the process. I am a fertile specimen.. that is what my stretchmarks symoblise to me… it was just a shock to see them in that lighting that’s all 🙂 and my tummy.. lets just say that mirror in that shop.. wacha tu. Tomorrow I have to carry out a cricital assesment of my body using my mirror under good lighting conditions. I have been planning on having nude professional photos of myself done.

Now pick up your jaw from the floor. Don’t go nuts thinking porno or anything like that… just tasteful nudes. Have one every year to document my changing aging body. Hubby thinks I am NUTS to even consider it. Me I think it is a good idea. There is nothing like a nude photo to show you exactly how you look. I do not recommend it for people in denial about thier bodies.. 🙂 I know the shop where I will have it done, I just have not plucked enough courage to go in and ask. I wanted to do pregnancy shots but again.. my courage failed me.

So that is me and us.

have a smashing weekend.

Alias

PS: KK is developing habits like her big brother.. this business of the only place to fall asleep in on mummy or next to mummy anything else is upuzi. I am not liking this.

About the Alias. When I first joined facebook I joined under an alias because I did not know what it was and I could not pre-view  without joining.. so Missy Elliot was born. I stayed with the fake name and was glad to keep it.

After KK was born we got a gift from Big Al’s workmate. The card was addressed to Big Al and Missy Elliot. I was like.. what the heck. Obviously the person incharge of buying the gift and sending the card does not know my name and someone must have said.. oh check his facebook, lo and behold, his wife is called “Missy Elliot” don’t bother facebooking me.. .. read on and find out why.

 After laughing it off and realising that Danes have no clue who Missy Elliot is I decided change to my real name.. well sorta. I have not officially taken on Big Al’s name. Mynew facebook profile name is my real first name and Big Al’s surname

Since then the  very thing I had been avoiding by use of a fake name has happened. Folks crawling out of the woodwork asking to be my friends and blowing up my numbers and no, i just cannot say no! it’s rude.

meanwhile i will not b ur friend if u do not have pics… fair is fair come look at mine only if i can look at yours  you voyeur!

Hello World

The newest addition to our small family was born five days ago. She weighed in at 3.810kgs and 56cm long (though I think the midwife was not very accurate in her measuring).

She is GORGEOUS. Smells deliciously of baby, has the roundest cheeks and me thinks I have seen a dimple wink at me now and then. She is named after my mother.

Her blog name is KK  and she is saying

Hello world!

The big difference this time round is knowledge of what to expect. I am more relaxed and prepared. My milk just started flowing yesterday so some of the anxiety I had been feeling has abated.

 The birthing process this time was without injury (thank you Yesu). Last time was a nightmare.  It included trips back to the doctor for restitching (let your imagination run wild).

 Lord knows this time it was PAINFUL. First time I had an epidural. The midwife insisted. I had been in labour like forever and she was like. … “you need the epidural cause when time comes you will too tired to push”. I had put her off a number of times but later agreed cause I was tired. This time round there was no epidural. In the midst of pushing I growled at the midwife “give me the epidural” and she is like “it is too late and it won’t help now”. I was a ninja. My husband has been in awe of me… he was like “you are tough” and I am like “damn right I am”. My friend N tells me that in England one gets offered “air and gas” to inhale and one is high like a kite when giving birth :-). Nothing like that here. You get a warm bottle, hot bath, some kind of accupuncture with water under the skin which is painful but apprently because it offsets the production of endorphins it lessens the pain of labour, I was not sold on the idea. I was in pain enough.  Epidural is like the last option offered and that has to be done before the real pushing begins.

When all is said and done we are both doing well. She loves to sleep. Big Al and I had joked a lot about it saying that we would probably get a baby who sleeps a lot and we would be worrying if she is ok because with Nikh I never got to sleep. But right now it’s too early to tell. Time will tell. I will say though that I am better rested than I had expected. Big Al is currently on his 2 week maternity leave. Once he returns to work, then my life begins for real. Right now I am like a queen and he my personal slave. I am loving it lol!

On my mind

Now more than ever I have been thinking about contraception. The coming baby is my last. Full stop. No comma, no dash. The one thing that guarantees 100% no pregnancy is abstinence. Show me a happily married abstaining couple and I will show you a couple who is getting it on the side without the other’s knowledge.

The pill has never had my vote. I have no idea what sex my baby is and part of me is hoping it is a boy because one of the things I keep thinking is.. “what will I say to her when it comes to contraception, cause I sure as hell  am not putting her on the pill” I don’t care how ignorant that sounds but like I said.. the pill never got my vote, so there. The other thing  about having a girl is that I don’t want to learn how to do hair 🙂 I am  shallow like that! Hubby would like a girl cause he says it would balance out .. what ever that means, but also says that when it comes to a girl we have to worry about many penises while with a boy we just have to worry about one penis 🙂

Alas I digress back to the topic at hand.

Any hormonal stuff is out of the question.

Condom…. eh not an option

The non-hormonal coil/IUD worked for me, but like all other methods nothing is 100% full proof. I personally know a lady who had baby number 4 after 9 years cause the damn coil had moved. 4 months into her pregnancy is when she found out. She was 39 last year when the baby was born. One of those shocks life delievers and you are left thinking eh??

Two options left.. his snipping as in a vasectomy or my snipping as in sterilatzation. In all honesty I had never consider these seriously till I was talking to  friend A about it. She brought it up saying she had/was seriously considering it. In my ignorance I said that there were side effects after female sterilzation as far as I had heard, but would read up on it. Off I went to the net and  have been reading rather extensively on it, looking for forums where I can read of folks experience. Thus far everything is pointing towards this being my  choice of contraception/pregnancy prevention.. but a funny thing has been happening.

I find myself thinking about the FINALITY of sterilization. As in there is no reversing the process and it is sorta scary. Yet at the same time I am saying to myself “are you crazy, you don’t even want child number 3 so what is the problem here, get it done and over with”

So I talked to Big Al about a vasectomy as an option and he smiled that smile of his and nodded his head in that way which said..” you have got to be out of your f…ing mind if you think I am about to snip snap anything! 🙂 On a serious note he said he would think about it since he had never really thought about it. Then I realised that I had didn’t really know how many children he wanted and was he finished with the whole daddy thing, so I popped the question.  And true to himself he asked why I was asking. I told him about this post. His answer was that he was definitely finished having kids. Two is the perfect number for him. I reminded him he is only 31 still a very young man. His response. “Two is all I need and I am done”

Thing is I understand where he is coming from cause I have the same hesitation and I cannot even explain it. In no way am I habouring the desire for a third child. I am more than grateful for my one and the one on the way. The thought of another one is just scary. I am 33 years going on 34 at the end of the year.

So for now I am just sorta there still haven’t made up my mind. I can still use the coil method, but at the back of my mind is that niggling thought “it can fall out, it can move, it can be put incorrectly, it is not 100% pregnancy proof”. So what to do.

There is still time to make up my mind.   No rush for now.

PS. This baby better come soon, I am bored out of my mind being at home. I need something to keep me occupied and I promise, no whining when I get only 3 hours of sleep. Now I know for sure that it is only for a season 🙂

Have a fabulous day. I intend to.

My baby

What does it say of my mothering when my son’s all time favourite song is “Forever” by Chris Brown. That he is slowly learning the words and sings along when he can.

Or that one of his new words is “Holy crap”… tickled me funny the first time I heard it off him. We were  cuddling on the couch watching some kids tv or cartoon  and I was reading something, when out of the blue or so it seemed to me he said “Holy crap” at something on the screen. I laughed my head off. I know, totally wrong… but could not help myself.

His favourite movie of all time is “Alivin and the Chipmunks”  aka chi munx, which we have watched 1.5million times. His current DVD of the moment is Eric Wainanin’s “Daima” which is a must see every day when we get back from daycare. Today I got dragged from the kitchen (where I was cooking pilau which I had been hungering for for over a week) into the living room to dance with him to “Adhiambo”. His favourite song on the dvd is “Nchi ya kitu Kidogo” and he totally loves the opening scene.

And finally he has a new thing where in order to get to bath we get all his small plastic toy friends into the bath. They are.. in no particular order Postman Per, Peter Plys (English version is Winnie the Pooh), Teddy, Ajay, Tiger. Works like a charm.

He lights up my world!

Goodnight lovies.

PS ever noticed how all or majority of my blog entries are done late in the evening. That’s when I usually get a moment.

Oh and last thing. I have been getting some pretty strange friend requests on Facebook and I do ignore. Thing is if I do not know you I WILL ignore you. I don’t like the whole, I don’t know you but wanna be your friend.

PSSS. Nikh’s toy train just started singing all on it’s own. How creepy. It’s 23:03 and I am in the livingroom. Me thinks we have a resident ghost.. woooh hooo!

On my mind

Heartwarming is …. unsolicited, spontaneous kisses form Nikh (my son) when he is super dupper happy with his mommy.

Heartwrenching is …..him crying his heart out when I dropped him off at daycare today. He just was not feeling it.. and has not been for past 2-3 weeks.

Triumph is… walking out of the “eat-all-you-can” restuarant after having a normal sized portion plate of food.

Agony is…. waking up 3 times in the night to clean up puke because baby is sick. my poor poor baby!

Frustration is …. being horny and hubby unable to carry out his husbandly duties because he is as sick as Nikh

Utter frustration is….. being horny and having horny dreams and not getting some cause .. well He is sick.. and I don’t really wanna get sick either.

Proud is….. seeing your husband ran his first EVER 5 km race after just 18 days of training and finishing in 37min 37sec. Yup.. total hero of mine.

Funny is …..hubby seeing me this morning in my “house work dress” and saying, “you have to throw out that dress it is so ugly”..(yup it went out). I laughed my head off. Yes it was ugly, but it was for housework ala!

Demanding is …..me telling hubby “I want big romantic gestures from you, diamonds and flowers”. He looks at me and laughs, pulls me into his arms and says ” I do romantic things for you everyday, I tell you how beautiful you are, (can’t tell you the rest) .. and wash the dishes” Me: “Washing dishes does not count, that’s every day stuff. I want  jewlery, flowers, candles, lights, I’m in the mood for big ROMANTIC GESTURES” Him: “shit, I could just go out and pay someone to get laid, don’t have to put up with all these demands” Me: Just you frigging try… ”

Unexplainable is…. my sudden need for that BIG ROMANTIC GESTURE… why the hankering for it.. me don’t know

Eventuality is …. him delievering my BIG ROMANTIC GESTURE lol 🙂

Calm is…. not knowing what is going to happen in a few months time and so not being moved by it all. I am so proud of me..

a person loved is… .. I don’t have the time to say it all but one word suffices…. me

 

I’m feeling lovey dovey, so kisses to all of you.

Mothering 101

One of the side effects of that drug that I am on (apart from increased libido) is insomnia. It totally totally sucks! You know that feeling, when you are dead tired. Put in 8 hours at work, played with Nikh, cooked supper, cleared the dishes (Baba baby washes him). I get to bed feeling like the world in on my shoulders. Hit the mattress and nada, no sleep! No freaking sleep. My mind will not shut down. Do everything I know to clear my mind, zilch! I have less than a handful of pills remaining and have decided to convince the doc that I can go off it. If he refuses then I am choosing to get pregnant ahead of schedule :-). Anything to get off the meds. At least I know I am off it for about 2 years.

For all you with kids, those of you with wilful boys or daughters and nope it’s just not the age, it’s part of his character. How do you discipline.

Nikh has a spine of steel. Even at daycare they said to me he is one of their more stubborn kids. If he sets his mind on wanting or gettin something and it is not something he is going to get because I have decreed it, game on baby. It’s not easy. I hate having to be the enforcer and it does not help that Big Al is a softie and Nikh has sussed that out. So now its like if mum says no, he goes straight to dad and he will pull out all his tricks mpaka dad gives in. Nikh’s tricks include screaming at a pitch so high, your ear drums and mind start spinning. If that does not work, whine whine whine. If that does not cry loud, like we are killing him. Most times it works on dad, me I am stone face.  I put him in his room till he calms down and says sorry.

Because I am enforcer, Nikh totally prefers dad over me and it nags me.  So today I said to Big Al, you also have to start enforcing, he cannot be getting mixed signals from us. Thing is though, he absolutely does not listen to Big Al. The funniest thing is to see Big Al telling him off and Nikh comes over and slaps him and says “stop it papa”. He pulled that slapping prank on me once and it stopped there.  Whenever his little hand begins to rise up I just give him a look.. which he so knows how to give back!

Most of my african accquaintanices keep saying, “that is boys for you”. Me I am like..eh… what?? So back to the discipline question. Right now putting him in his room is loosing effect cause he walks out of the room crying, straight into my arms for hugs and comfort. Before it would work like magic. Spanking and pinching does not seem to work, not that I use it much.. but when I try I just get a baby who is so hurt and confused, I feel like crying too.

So what do you do.

Mchuzi mix

I have just been at Mashada reading a thread about Development or something to that effect. About the possiblity of creating fedral states in Kenya aka Majimboism etc etc. I have forgotten the title of the thread. I read the first 3-4 pages in their entiriety and started getting agitated and stressed. I know that by opting not to follow any kind of news or “African development/the way forward for Africa” I am in essence burying my head in the sand. That’s fine with me. Why, because I look at my circle of influence and say to myself, “what can I do here and now for Kenya or Uganda, what am I doing” the answer, nothing. So then why should I stress myself by getting embroiled in conversation, speculation and postulation about things I can hardly do anything about. I have agreed with myself if I decide to do anything then I shall go into politcs or development and since that is not what I want at this point in my life.. my head continues to be buried in the sand.

I will say this though, that there are many intelligent, passionate dedicated Kenyans out there who all want the same thing for thier country and tribes. PEACE AND DEVELOPMENT. My mind struggles to find the solution to this. I have always said to my husband that I have dictatorial tendencies. God help everyone if I ever became president. I would just kill everyone in my quest to put Kenya/Uganda on the map. I think someone needs to blow up the whole sitting parliament so that we can start afresh with a new crop of leaders. If they then succeed in screwing things up like the current batch, then once and for all we will know that as a people we are seriously fucked up! That’s just the way I see it.

Haya on to other stuff now that that’s off my chest.

Finally finally my 2 year old son is sleeping through the night in his crib. HALLELUJAH! What a ride this sleep thing has been.

It is not all perfection. But it is 100% better than it used to be. He wakes up once for his bottle between 2.30 and 4.00am then again at around 6.30 then he sleeps till 8.00am. He gets to bed pretty late , usually at 9.30pm.. now that summer is here and in winter at 9.00pm. Any earlier than that becomes a waste of my and his time. He is saying more and more words.He speaks to me in English and to his Dad in Danish. When hungry he say.. “mummy food, eat”  When I say speak I mean 5 or 6 clear words.. the rest is just baby speak jumbled stuff that as a mother you learn to decode. But there certainly is a lot of progresss. Today for the first time he came into the living room and said “how u mummy” 🙂 He is so grown. He is still not the biggest eater infact he is the thinnest in his  day care class, but not the shortest. At his 2 year check up he was a little under the normal weight gain curve which had me worried. Eating is still a bit of an issue. As long as he does not snack during the day, then he will eat very well. Once he snacks or has sweets.. that is his eating ruined for the day. Big Al keeps saying that his eating genes have not kicked in yet given the way the both of us like to eat.  Did I say he is lovely. God he is beautiful!

My man:

Where to start. Very interesting stuff between us. I’ve told you before that me and him talk a lot. So the other day on a drive to an animal park we got talking about personal development and I was telling him how I had a light bulb moment,( courtsey of some “live your best life” podcast): that tweaking and reevaluating your life is a continous process. There never comes one point where you can say “ah I have fixed this once and for all, never have to look at it again”  One has to keep checking, taking stock, tweaking here and there, straigtening out priorities because things change, time goes by and life is never static.  He laughed and said that is how he felt about money issues. Big Al hates dealing with money issues.

In a perfect world he would only have to deal with going to work earning money and the rest sort out themselves. This worked fine in England, we both worked, I did all the nitty gritty and would just give him papers saying “sign here, sign here and there”. As long as the money he wanted was there, he did not bother with the rest. I on the other hand like to tweak, move, save, do this and that to the money. Funny thing is that he is easy with letting money go and I hoard it. His attitude is “I can always get money” mine is “Hoard all you can cause you never know when you will see it again” Anyway like I said.. it worked perfect in England.. then we moved here  Denmark that is.

and things just went to hell in a handbasket. Suddenly he had to do the tweaking and stuff because of my language deficiency. He has hated every single minute of it. When he finally said this to me in the car I was like “I know.. and I have hated every minute of having to give up that control to you.. but guess what soon I am going to be able to do this on my own”. He says  “can’t be soon enough for me” More and more I am taking control over it. If you think other countries have a confusing tax, pay, banking system, you haven’t been to Denmark.

It got me thinking about how relationships work. There is no one true way. A couple has to find what works for them. My husband hates having to deal with the nitty gritty of money. I love to get my hands deep into it. It works for us. Find what works for you and to hell with what everyone else says.

My career:

Monday is around the corner. That means my exams which means FINALLY FINALLY I am through with this course. Lord I cannot wait! I have gone from not caring whether I pass or fail to “girl you have to pass cause we just don’t do fail”.  I am still to find out if I am to be employed on a permanet basis at my current job ironing clothes. I hate my job, I love earning money at the end of the month. I love the freedom of having just a little bit extra to buy shoes, save some for the house. But I need to get a better job. So with my exams around the corner, I finally relaunched my job hunt. For the record. I ABSOLUTELY HATE HAVING TO LOOK FOR WORK . At 32 I feel and think it is humilating that I still have to be looking for “the right job”. Just this past Friday I was crying about it. Crying tears because a friend said she thinks I have opted to give up. I was hurt and hurt and pissed off. So all I did at work was look at my life and choices and came to the conclusion that I am doing the right thing for me for now and that my plans are on the right track and if that fails.. I get up and try again. But let me tell you this, I am TIRED OF picking myself off my career floor, dusting myself off and trying again. Fuck it all. But I want money. So like I said to Big Al, “new strategy in place…. playing lotto just got added to the mix”. He laughed till he cried. Looked at me and asked me how that is a strategy. I said “i have been doing this career hunt thing for about 7 years and nothing has come up yet.. keep doing same thing and expecting different results = madness. Play lotto = changing strategy doing something new.. watch this space 🙂

My break is almost over gotta hit the books.

see ya

Motherhood tales, Oprah and Vogue

I have been ill since Sunday morning courtesy of bad meat. I prepared pork roast for Saturday dinner and it seems the meat was bad (there was no iffy smell off it and it cooked through.. trust me, I like my meat well done). Come Sunday morning I get an attack of nausea which I put down to something else(and not it was not pregnancy).  By mid day I knew it was not what I thought but food poisoning. Boy have I been sick, stomach cramps.. running tummy of the kind I never want to see again, dizziness, fatigue… and all the while.. mommy duties still abound.  I went into work Monday and Tuesday and since they refused to let me go home early on Monday, when I was feeling really crap.. I refused to work overtime on Wednesday and Thursday.

Meanwhile I just have not been able to get into reading my school work. Yani today morning I was staring at a paragraph trying to make sense of it. Read the thing like 4 times before I finally gave up  and decided to accompany Big Al into town.  We rarely get moments when it is just the two of us in the light of day. Now and then we sneak in lunch dates but usually it is not relaxed coz baby needs to be picked at a certain time and he needs to get back to work. I am still reluctant to hire a sitter. I took a leaf out of my cousin’s book when she said of her three children “I never leave them alone with a maid until they are 3 years old because by then they can talk and tell me how their day has been. If I need to be anywhere, my mother will babysit my youngest” at the time of the conversation her youngest was 5 months and her first two were 6 and 3. She can afford to do that because she is a stay at home mum with a very rich husband and a house full of maids and shamba boys etc.

Last night I was reading some message board and the topic was about raising boys. The poster was ranting about the challenges of raising boys. It was very interesting and though the age group of the children in discussion was  older;  9 years and above, I could already see that I have my work cut out for me. Seems like boy children will push boundaries and keep pushing till they finally learn who is in charge. I am glad that my husband is a very present and active figure in my son’s life.  A lot of the women on that thread were single mums to boys and from it I gathered that disciplining and the transition from boy to young man can be rather tough without the presence of a positive male figure in the child’s life.

Big Al reminded me of how as a baby Nikh was just not cuddly at all. He did not like to be held close and cuddled.. boy has that changed. We have a ritual now. After dinner and bath, we all sit on our two seater sofa. Big Al at one end me at the other and Nikh cuddled up tightly against one of usually his father, with the blanket covering all of us. Now and then he looks up at us and giggle and cuddles even tighter into his father. Sometimes he asks for his crew which consists of Dodo the dog, Nino the bear, Bobo the monkey and Bobby the elephant (Big Al came up with those names). At approx 2.30am every night/morning he gets upfrom his crib and descends or rather I get him into our bed, I refuse to share the bed with the rest of the crew. Sometimes I let Nino come in cause he is small and doesn’t take up too much space.  When we get baby number two we are going to need and new couch. 3 seater preferably… just enough space to all of us to sit, cuddle and watch tv.

So I got to town and ended up in 7-Eleven. I have been going there since mid month to see if the  April issue of O magazine has arrived and yes it had. I picked up the copy happily looking at Mrs O. Been a long wait…then I saw a copy of Vogue and it had Beyonce on it.. and you know I had to get it. I like Bey. On the bus back home I started flipping through Vogue and came to the page which featured a Kenyan artisit called Wangechi Mutu. Pleasantly surprised. Nope I don’t know her… but hey she is in Vogue, Kenyan, hello.. just got me happy. I read the whole article and I have to quote her on this because it precisely mirrors my feelings. The strange part was that during the ride to town Big Al jokingly said “we should get all our money move to the US and buy some of those cheap houses”

We joked about it then I got serious and said that I would absolutely not like to raise my children in the US and here is why ala Ms Mutu

I’d rather think of my children as intercultrual than black or white and what that means…….I wasn’t raised with the isses that have been enforced and implied for black people here (USA), and I don’t necessarily want our kids to go through that. It’s one thing to come here at a certain age and learn it through books and through watching people and through having conversations; it’s another to learn it by absorbing it all the way from childhood

I don’t know if I have said it here on this blog but after reading a lot of African American and Afro Carribean literature (while in the UK) I came to the conclusion that the history and heritage of African Americans or Afro Carribeans is not mine hence I can empathise, understand and sympathise but I will not own it. I have my own.

PS: though I have not finished reading the Vogue or Oprah, I highly recommend picking up April’s copy of Vogue.  Theme of the month is Nip/Tuck: Designing the Perfect Body. This is the 3 issue of Vogue I have bought. The first one was many years back in England and it totally sucked the previous one to this was excellent and this one looks promising.

If you love Mrs O. Pick up April’s issue of O magazine. The Talbot ads are killing me. The dresses, the dresses. If you want to get an idea of danish fashion.. check out www. staff-woman.dk

Baby Bluesy

Big Al won’t even listen to me harp on about this anymore. When I open my mouth and begin the famous sentence “So do you want another baby”… he shakes his head and says “I am not listening to your drama anymore.. make up your mind then come talk to me”

Its like this:

Around early November I met one of my friends from mother group. (She has become a casual friend). We  meet rarely often at daycare when dropping of picking our little ones. Back when we met she said..”guess what I am 15 weeks pregnant….blah blah blah” I did not hear anything else except that. I was busy being shocked and tyring to get a handle of my pregnancy envy! Then I heard my cousin was having her second born, then lady at church was pregnant her second born… it felt like everyone was having their second born.. even on blogshpere.. . KenyanPundit was moving on to number two 🙂

Ala! was how I felt. Up until everyone else’s baby number two.. I was admant I did not want another one. I did not even feel the maternal call for number two that my cousin had told me about. Apparently it strikes when baby number one is about 1.5-2 years. That was not all….. I had not slept properly in almost 2 years, neither had I worked in 3 years. The idea of baby  number 2 was so appalling to me. I was not bothered.  Til November rolled in with all the number twos popping up here there and everywhere.

Thus begun my nagging

Monday: Mrembo to Big Al: “Its a good thing you are happy with just one child.. no way in hell I am having another one.. and anyway what’s wrong with just one child.. I mean.. what about women who can only have one”

Tuesday : Mrembo to Big Al: “Are you ok about having another baby.. I think I want one.. I can handle it.. Nikh needs a sister or brother .. what do you think.. that name you picked out is pretty cool.. works both ways”

Wednesday: Mrembo to Big Al: “Can you imagine xyz is having baby number 2. She crazy and number one is only 1 year old. Lucky them at least they have grandparents to babysit… no way I am having another baby… imagine all the work and not grandparents to babysit”

Thursday: Mrembo to Big Al  ” I want another baby.. I really do. I want another baby for me.. not for Nikh to have a sibling but because I want another one. Lets go make another one 🙂 (This is the only part Big Al is interested in hearing!!)

And so on and so forth. That is how it has been since november. I AM CONFUSED. But one thing remains, I do want another one.

Did I tell you that in my mother group, out of the six babies, there is something wrong with 2. That is 2 in 6 have issues. The common denominator is that both parents were over 35 when they had thier respective child. There is no medical diagnosis as to what is wrong with them.  One of them is just slow… as in mum told us it is not Downs nor could the docs say what it was after observing baby in hospital for the 4 days they were admitted. She is slow in all the developmental milestone and will probably be thus as an adult… just slow.  The other one had a difficult birth (kid was even baptised the day he was born.. cause they did not think he would make it).. at 2 he is not yet walking. Scary stuff.

I say this to reinforce to me that my plan for retiring the uterus after 35 is a sensible one.

Now comes in my biggest dilemma.

I am 32 years old.  Currently I have no career to speak of.  I am back at school “re-training” so as to start another career in a niche area of my general educational background (does that make sense). If I decide to get pregnant later in the year…(aiming for a Sept/Oct2010 birthdate). That means.. I will have completed my course.. go on maternity leave for at least 9 months ( daycare here  does not take in babies younger than 9 months.. or was it six)..then start looking for a job in that field after a 6-9months no work or study …. eh.. does not look good.

The other strategy would be to wait and get preggers late next year.. aiming for a Sept/Oct 2011 birthdate (makeing the age difference between my babies 4 years.. which is not bad when I think about it) But I will be  knocking on 35… which is still within my boundaries…. Hence allowing me enough time to have found a job within my new career.. work for a year.. then take time out to have my baby ama??

I guess I just solved the issue.

And you men think that having babies is a willy nilly decision for women… especially working women in Europe.

My hat off to all the working mothers in the Western block. It is not easy! Those in AFrica.. eh.. the challenge is not the same… at all. You all still have the village to look out for your babies!