A few things about me

Archive for the ‘Me Stuff’ Category

Ageing every day

 Thirty came and went without fanfare or event, so did 31 and likewise 32. Thirtythree is something else though. The term mid thirties has me shaken. I mean when does one cross over from early thirties to mid thirties. Thirtythree is a number I am not so willing to embrace, but embrace I must for everyday I age and will continue to do so. The question now is “how well will I age”

Fabulously baby, fabulously! That is the answer I have decided upon.  Since October I have been looking at ads of all  “virim” (you have to sa y it in Kiswahili.. plural for creams) for the face wondering which one to use to prevent all the signs of aging. I am hesitant to plunge in because there are so many promising youth in a bottle. One part of me tells me those “virims” are not aimed at me the black woman. Crow feet, wrinkles etc  are things that the black woman begins to worry about in her 50´s or there about. I am thinking of all the women in my mother’s and father’s family who by 50 still are without lines on the face. What I have noticed is the loss of elasticity in the skin and that I think is ok. So what to use in the question. And more specifically, what should a woman in her early/mid thirties with moderate acne use? Sometimes I am amazed that at my age I am still battling with acne, its like “ala..when does this shit end”.

When it comes to acne, I am a resource power house. I have done my research juu chini. I know what I will use and what I won’t. A really informative website for black skin is www.brownskin.net  . When it comes to the individual prescription meds I use, I research them individual in relation to thier effect on black skin.  The one thing we black people have to watch out for is hyperpigmentation from acne. That is those black spots left behind after the pimple is gone. I have never used a bleaching agent to get rid of them, but I am seriously thinking of  this product. The thing is this, there is nothing special about this cream. The key ingredient in any skin lightning cream is hydroquinie. In the 1990´s skin bleaching in UG was so popular and one would see horrific results hence my hesitation. When certain family member came home from abroad  my mum and aunt were so disgusted when she tried to pass of her bleaching as “si it’s the weather, the sun is not so bright huko, this is my natural color” The look on mum’s face when she told the story was priceless. “kwani she thinks we are so stupid”

What has worked for me over the years with the dark spots is my prescirption meds cause of how they work. It takes a long long time for the marks to fade but they do, which they normally do naturally, as long as you do not have new acne coming up.

Anyway, I have been thinking of clinique’s Uneven skin tone range. It seems promising also because they seem to have a dedicated range to ance prone skin.  The other under consideration is Murad’s acne range. The only reason holding me back from buying this stuff is the price. NOthing like investing over $ 150 in stuff that does not work. Then again if I am serious about this aging thing, I must do as I must ama? 🙂

Which leads me to the other thing. With me turning 33 and all I have decided to get serious about my dressing. I am a careless dresser.  But with that number hanging over my head, soon to be fitted, I have decided to update my look, which means, new sensible handbag. Going around with a backpack is not a good idea. I need two bags, one that can have Nikh’s and my nik naks, cause he is still young, so things like extra diaper, wet wipes, gloves, hat, my lunch pack  etc and another small one for when I don’t need to have the nik naks. Thing is I have been on the look out for an over the shoulder, funky, hot looking handbag.  MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.  Me I will not do those ridiculous big handbags that cannot go over one shoulder. Ati those silly big handbags which sit on the arm and one has to bend thier arm. So not pratical when you have kids. I think I found one yesterday. Expensive as shit but on the list for consideration

Infact to make this post short, let me tell you what I told my hubby. 

My new year’s resolution is to buy all the things of this list by the end of 2010″

That list reads as follows

  • New glasses. my current ones are boring, or rather I am bored of them. Have had them since 2005. Time for an upgrade.
  • 2 leather handbags. I have never owned a leather handbag cause I never could buy the ones I liked.
  • New running shoes, more specifically Nike LagunaAir or something like that. I tried them on and run on the treadmill, baby they were not joking ati it feels like air.  They did not have my size and refered me to Nike.com to get those mass customised ones. Did you know that the difference between men’s running shoes and women’s is that women’s are built narrower since statistically we have narrower feet.
  • Proper running clothes. When I go running most times I have hubby’s  “stay at home” pants which I have hijacked. Poor thing he doesn’t have any more cause I use them for running and cleaning lol
  • Proper hot boots before winter ends
  • A parfum : Daisy by Marc Jacobs. Had a wiff of it some time back and the fact that I have not forgotten the name, means I really like it. Right now I have only two scents. Ever since I got preggers with Nikh, parfums don’t do it for me so much. Through out my pregnancy I could not stand the stuff and for the 16 months that I breastfed I could not stand any parfum on me or anyone. Once I stopped, it’s like my taste changed. I like very very light and airy parfums.
  • A silver toe ring
  • A tatoo
  • Large silver and gold hoop earings.

 

The list is flexible and subject to editing  🙂

So what does your list look like if you have one. hehehe

nighty night.

Advertisements

Woes on the Job

For the past two weeks I have been posted at another hospital washing beds and  making beds. I HATE MY JOB. With that out of the way let me proceed.

It’s 06:22 in the morning. I am showered dressed and ready to leave the house. I have had the car since my commute is a little longer and without the car I would not be able to pick Nikh on time from the day care lady. Big Al cycles him to daycare then gets the bus into work. I pick him up in the afternoon. It’s working fine for now. I hate that washing bed thing so much, more than my usual gig which is ironing and folding clothes. At the other place I have my pals, we get a long, there’s lots of people. Here, I work with three other people and they are fine and all.. we just don’t blend, a lack of chemisty.

One of the guys keeps pulling or touch his penis. It is so disgusting and unsightly. And because he keeps using his forefinger and thumb I can’t help thinking “kwani how small is it” 🙂 . He keeps adjusting it or them, me I don’t know and it just ugh! yuck! I feel like yelling, keep your hands away from your crotch or do it in private. Or maybe his underpants are tight. Gross!

The other guy is a thug. Walks like one, talks like one, has the air of one. He is the kind of guy I do not want to meet alone. I swear he looks like those rightwing, “keep Denmark white” , I hate all non-white people thugs. We do not talk, he does not talk to me, I do not talk. I can’t even look at  him. He just creeps me out totally.

His mother is my supervisor.. would you believe that. She asked me if I like this new gig, I was like, I would rather go back to my other place. She was not expecting that response and I could see she was taken aback.  I am through with lying to make people feel comfortable. So later she comes back saying, it’s because you don’t smoke and because there are not so many “foreigners” working here as opposed to the other place. I was like “whatever”. Then the ball grabber had been giving me orders and directions all the time. “you gotta straighten out the edeges of the sheet, this is how you do it, blah blah blah, good job, now you just have to be faster.. ” Yesterday I told him off. He started on his orders and I said in my nice polite way with a smile “you’re irritating me with your orders. I know what I am doing and if you want it perfect then stop asking me to worker faster. I have been here 1 week, 3 days. You have been here over a year, lay off with the orders” He was taken aback too. Started saying stuff about just wanted things to look good blah blah blah, I wanted to rid him of his balls. Idiot!

Back from work and continuing this post at 16:00 (Big Al and Nikh are out in town bonding, the roast is in the oven, pototoes await peeling, usual back from work housework awaits.. but I’ll get to that when I am done here)

Yesterday’s word of the day was VUMILIA (persevere). As I worked the only thing I could think was  “I am slowly dying here, I need to get out of this place, I will die in my soul if I keep doing this, I cannot take this any longer”  So that was clear, then I asked myself  “ok then , so you quit your  job then what? What are the alternatives? I came up blank. Job hunting is totally out of the question.

I resolved in myself that I never ever want to be employed by anyone ever again. Me going to work for someone, me begging or hunting for a job is not in the cards. I DON’T WANT TO. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. So I have been working on something, something that is so long from fruition, I loose hope and I gain hope, all the while working and strategising towards this thing that I am planning on doing. I am scared out of my bones, but fuck that, I tried the employment thing, and it ain’t cutting it, so I’m going to try this other thing and see what happens. It fails, it fails, at least I tried.

So if I am not job hunting and if my other thing is not off ground then what, sit at home and be bored, poor and upset… hence “VUMILIA mama! just a little longer sweets, you have a lot on your plate right now, get that out of the way then get cracking

Today’s word of the day has been “count your blessings” and that I did on my ride to work, aloud in the car, like a mad woman beating away at the blues that want to make home in my mind.

That which has brought the hate for my job into focus is working with these new guys. Honest to God, there is nothing wrong with them at all, apart from what I said about, it’s just that we don’t gel and already I hate what I do, now add lack of chemistry and hey presto. But I am a fly chick, hot chick, tough chick. Tomorrow is my last day. Even if they beg and cry there is no way I am staying there next week. I want back at my other boring mundane job. At least I get to laugh and see my buddies.

So if you are having a tough ride at the moment, VUMILIA. It never ever last forever. That’s the beauty of life, nothing is static, everything changes in time and with time. It’s just a matter of time.

Kisses folks.

Last Night – Ladies Circle

So let me tell you about last night. I am still pumped.

First, I was really really proud of me. I held my own, didn’t display my stupidity which tends to rise when I am amongst new, what-I-think -to-be-impressive people! (what a mouthfull). I was calm cool and collected, like James Bond, only the chick version.

Remember I have mentioned that I joined a women’s association and got matched to a mentor. Well my mentor thought it would be good for me to get into another women’s association that is primarily danish. The idea is that through the association I would learn (or as the goverment likes to put it “intergrate”) better into Danish society. Anyway my mentor, let’s call her Annie, thought it would be good for me to get to have a “network” of proffessional danish women. Her being a member, she hooked me up. I passed the “screening interview” back in January. I would have joined then, but I had just started school, and my job so was not willing to commit to something else til i was finished with school. So we agreed that I would attend my first meeting after I was out of school and after the summer break.

That was last night and wow! Oh wow! It was like another world all together. For the firstime since I came to Denmark I was in the presence of women like myself. Duh! not the skin color, but career women with jobs and families. The group is called Ladies Circle. (www.ladiescirlce.org) You can read more about them, but basically it is more like the  Chama za Kina mama groups back home of which my mother has been a member of countless number. Her most current seems to be her most fun. Same principle, though with the added extra of somtimes having presentations from companies etc etc.

So on to the women. These women si kidogo. As in without this hook up, I would never have seen this side of middle class Denmark. My social contacts here are limited to less than a handful of African friends. Actually 3, who are university educated, middle class women. The rest of my of social life consists of my husband’s family. My best friend (if you are reading this, I do consider you my best 🙂 ) lives in England and she is like my main “friend/conversation outlet. Without her, I would basicallyhave given up on Europe and been a hermit. I love you!

So it was interesting to see what life is like in this part of the social ladder  and very EYE OPENING. Here is the thing, it is the same, whether is it Kenya, Uganda or England. Middle upper class is the same accross the world. Same aspirations, same values, same same same. But I had not been exposed to it here in Denmark.

It was fun to see the number of BMWs, Audis, Toyota (in DK it is a high end car). To note the expensive shoes and clothes, the watches… salala.. the rings.. oh my!

But heres the best part, I held my own baby not in terms of clothes or jewlery, but my own in terms of I was ok in my skin and I loved that. There was a time I would have been awed but I have slowly come to realise that just because my career is in the dumps it does not take away from the fact that I am a sensible, smart, intelligent, self-loving person who has a lot to contribute and add. Due to the financial situation a number of the women there have been dealing with being fired and there I was totally understanding how they feel and thinking.. “we are all the same” no difference at all.

So what did I get out of it apart from the obvious, becoming a member etc. It reinforced that Mrembo has it going on. That I am a woman of worth and as long as I keep on doing my thing to be the best I can be in all facets of my life I am totally ok and I love that.

Be fulfilled.

How come?

I don’t like her. Why? Can’t even tell you why. Not that she has done anything to me. Infact she has been nothing but friendly and nice but still I don’t like her. It’s hard to admit this since I consider myself a decent person. I just don’t not like people. But her, something about her rubs me the wrong way, a vibe, an air that she gives off that totally makes me not like her.

Am I jealous of her. That is the only other plausible reason. I try to be nice around her, infact I sought put myself in her space, a weird compulsion, but I do. I guess it is true, instict and all. My first impression of her, the very first time we met was “bitch, stupid and naive”. That was after listening to her, yet the lady who introduced me to her calls her friend. So again I ask

“Mrembo baby, are you jealous? Is it because she has “a seemingly better life, whatever that means. Is it because she seems not to have suffered, or is it her air of entitlement!”

All I know is that I don’t like her and I think my suspcisons of jealousy are the root cause and that totally IRKS me cause I DON’T DO JEALOUSY!

Honest Scrap Awards

 

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed readers of this blog, I would like to thank you all for reading this blog and for having kept up with me for the past 3 years and 2 or so months. I would espeically like to thank the lovely and forever young Mwari  for having bestowed this honour on me.

The rules:

1. You must brag about the award
2. You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
3. You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. ( ati 7.. I cannot oblige seeing that everyone that I would choose has alread been chosen)…let me think more maybe I will come up with a few
4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5. List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on

The ten:

  1. I am a borderline addicted to…….I will not teeellll! In a way I kinda understand druggies and alcoholics but because I am ruthlessly cruel with myself and my habit, I am not completely sympathetic. It is tough shit trying to kick a habit and be able to say I kicked that. The longest I have gone has been about 1 year 8 months then bang!  my demons were back with a vengence and I was like.. where the fuck did that come from I had it under control.  Of late, witth regards to my “almost addiction”  I have been in battle mode. It sucks.. it’s part of me, it’s my beast and so I embrace her and say.. “hello darling.. let’s see who will win this one this time round”
  2. I am actually a very happy, cheerful, funny person to be around despite what this blog depicts. I know and have always known that I write most when I am feeling crap, conflicted, down, depressed etc. I have tried more than a hundred times to do posts/ blog when I am in a “good space” and I just cannot do it. The words to not flow and I am not in flow. Negative emotions get my writing to flow.. happy ones .. well…
  3. I am currently reading “The Road Less Travelled” by M. Scott Peck and marvelling at the fact that I did not pick this book up earlier. First time I read it I was about 18/19 and didn’t quite finish it leave alone understand it. As far as self help books go, this is the mother of them all and believe me I have read a gazillion of them (back in the day…these days can’t bring myself to read one).
  4. If I love you, I wil talk about you a lot. As a result my conversations are peppered with Big Al said, Nikh the bandit did this the other.
  5. I have a sock fetish that is not yet fully fulfilled.
  6. This one is for all the ladies who are trying to get babies and it is not happening.  I have already said it here that I need some medical help  to get pregnant. So listen up. If your p’s are irregular and you haven’t been getting pregnant, you need to see a hormone specialist(endocrinologist) and have your hormones checked out. If you need more info contact me and I will give details.  I will still need to get treatment in order to get pregnant again. It’s nothing extreme like fertility treament but at the same time, for me, getting pregnant is not simply a matter of getting laid. (so if you plan on having or want kids and you have the man in tow, you need to get to it pronto.. stop waiting)
  7. My current inspiration in all things weight and fitness is Amy. I have been following her since mid last year. This is what I mean
  8. I am back running after an almost 5 month break. It is so annoying how quickly one looses fitness.
  9. I’m struggling here… oh.. I .. something to do with youth envy.
  10. .. you tell me!

Been trying to upload something.. will it work, will it not.

Time and Dreams

Just finished watching a movie and a lot of the lines in the movie had something to do with life and how one approaches it.  So sitting there watching it, my mind just went off tangent and I had a period of clarity in which I saw and see my life and realise;

  • I have never watched a sunset or sunrise and I think that’s sad.

 

  • I haven’t really been living life. I have been afraid of so many things. Afraid to just live and ride the wave that is my life. All my life I  have  had a plan B C and D and it is exhausting. So in my process of letting go of all my baggage and stuff, I am letting go of this paralysing fear that has been with me for some time. It has decreased in it’s intensity over the last year and more so over the last few months, but there remains some lingering touches and I am letting it all go. So hell with it all. Watch me fly.

 

  • I have been afraid of failure and have never exactly had a measure of what that failure is. In the process of defining what failure is to me I realise it has all been hog wash. So what if I have this education and pedigree and end up living in my mother’s village tending to my chickens, 3 goats and a cow. (that is how I picture my retirement). So what if I never have the best clothes that cost xyz. So what?? As long as I have my husband, my child grows up to be an upstanding moral, honorable man who is happy in life, I will be fine.

 

  • All the things I have thought were crazy to do like learning to ride those speed crazy yamaha motobikes, taking dance lessons, perfecting my swimming, being a bodyguard… they aren’t all crazy and I am going to try them all.

 

  • The best of all is that I can finally embrace my beast. We all have a beast and I guess part of life is learning to embrace her/him. Sometimes the beast wins and we become evil, horrible people. It’s a balancing act and I am learning it’s alright to embrace her, know her, learn her, then control her but once in a while she needs to be unleashed. The ying and yang that makes us human.

 

  • To finish it all, I am alright as I am. I am totally perfect in my imperfection! Go figure

Go ahead and diagnose

I’m scared.

For the past week I have had this strange sensation at the bottom of my big toe. It feels like there is something crawling on the bottom of my toe. Then there’s the feeling like it got burned but is now healing. Very strange. It is not numbness or tingling.. just like something is crawling on me and I have to brush it off and scratch it. 

The feeling is now on and off on my palms and other foot.  I thought it would pass. Now I have to go see the doc.

I really do not want this to be serious. I am leaning towards diabetes but thinking.. nah ah! I can,t be diabetic. I ain’t fat. Had some tests a few weeks ago and doc said I am as normal as can be. What the heck can this be. Tomorrow’s a public holiday so can’t see the do til monday.

ugh!

 

oh and I just looked at my draft box and I have 6 posts in there that have yet to see the light of day.  They suck. delete