A few things about me

Archive for the ‘Weight Management’ Category

In defence of the married woman

This post is inspired by Raymond’s post which can be found here. It was a good funny read .

That said I feel I must stand up for the married woman seeing I am such a woman.

Married women get so much bashing, some of it is well deserved and the rest not so. A lot of it seems to come from mouths that are on the other side of the fence or from men who are not married.

The instution of marriage is a hard one. There I said it. It is hard. It is also one of the most rewarding relationships you will ever have if you work at it.

Forget all the bullshit you see on TV and in films. The romance part  might be true in the first few years of marriage after that is takes work and the DECISION TO STAY by both parties and to STAY HAPPY that can make a marriage phenomenol.

When I look back at the first 2-3 years of being with Big Al I have to smile with nostalgia at the whole new love-falling in love thing. God we were so in love. Stupid in love. Hold my hand, kiss me in public in-love.  The kind that makes you ignore all the little things that later bug you. Then we made it past three years and the “being in love” love changed to a kinda deeper love and it was all good. By year three of being together we were married.  We married in 2002 and had our first child in 2007 and we met in 2000

Let me tell you this, A CHILD will CHANGE THE MIX of marriage KABISA. So when I hear people got married and  in less than 2 years a child is born, I feel for the couple. You haven’t even gotten the opportunity to know each other truly and BANG baby is in the mix.

On to defending the married woman. We get bashed a lot for:

  • gaining weight
  • Not taking care of our physical appearance.. ala dressing up, nails, stocking on head when going to sleep, wearing lesos et
  • Not availing sex on demand or as often as it used to be
  • Not cooking like before
  • Not babying him like before

Here is the thing MEN need to accept and my sisters still on the other side of marriage passing judgement need to know is coming.

  • As your wife and  the mother of your children, chances are I WILL GAIN WEIGHT after giving birth to YOUR CHILD. Just a fact.  9 out of 10 women gain weight so if you think I am going to look like those movie stars who starve to death to look good.. maybe you are shopping for the wife in the wrong market. YOU yes YOU dear husband will also gain weight after the birth of our child, so put a lid on it about the weight thing. The questions is how much weight is she willing to keep and how much are you willing to accept. We married women know that men are visual creatures and we try to keep it the weight off and keep being attractive for you.  I may need some help loosing the weight. So if it’s bugging you and it is bugging me, help me out. How.. allow me THE TIME to do what I gotta do to shift this weight. Using the excuse that she is no longer attractive in my eyes because she gained weight is so much bullshit. Who said I find your behind attractive after that pot belly you have developed. It works both ways. … maybe that’s why I gotta headache 5 days out of 7…know what I mean.
  • Taking care of my physical appearance will take a dive if we have kids cause like it or not.. kids will be first priority for sometime. It costs money to look good all the time and before the kids came around, our money was spread two ways. When the kids come it spreads 3, 4 or five ways depending on how many we make. So unless our income increases propotionally,  I will not be smelling as expensive as before or having my nails buffed all the time cause that money is going to diapers, nursery, schoolfees.. get my drift daddy? But believe it or not, I do want to look hot 24/7. Sometimes it’s just not practical. I do try. I do.
  • Now we come to the sex thing. It’s so simple. So simple. Be nice to me and you will get all the sex you want. Just be nice to me. (thing is most men don’t know what being nice to thier wives mean). Tip here.. buying me stuff will not cut it after some time. Spend time with me, be interested in me, talk to me, help me out with the kids, hear me when I talk. Do all these things consistently and  baby you will be getting sex round the clock. Most wives just want to be acknowlegded and know that thier husbands “see” them. This mambo of “baby I love you” and then expect great sex.. sorry dude.. it ain’t happening.
  • The things I have said about sex apply also to men, so wives you know you also gotta be nice to him.. cause when he goes out the door and is shagging that chick on the side, chances are apart from it being just a shag cause he could.. Miss thing on the side is being nice to him. She makes him feel like a hero, blah blah blah.
  • Cooking; sex rules apply here. Be nice and I will cook for you.
  • Babying him: Shit.. I am not your mother”!

 

Marriage gets a bad rap because  of peoples’ egos. Ego is a big ass thing and most people don’t know how to check thier egos. That is something Big Al and I have learnt to do over the years. Most times when we sit down to resolve issues after a fight,  we realise it was all about “me”. Like recently we had a horrible period because he felt that he was not being treated right and I felt I was not being treated right so we both withdrew into ourselves. I have mentioned it before we are “silent fighters”. Shouting is not our style. We just emotionally withdraw.

This went on for about 3 weeks.  Finally while he was away on work safari he called, we started talking and stuff got resolved.

Being honest is not as easy or as hard as it sometimes is made to be. It’s about being honest at the right time with both one’s self and your spouse. There I was thinking I was being attentive and helful.. while he felt he was being a supportive husband inspite of work stress. I had my own stressdue to of lack of sleep due to the new baby, not enough help around the house. So there we were, two people each hoping the other will see the other’s hardship and be nice. He needed for me to be supportive, tactile and all kissy kissy and I needed him to wake up early,  clean more dishes etc

Meanwhile what he was doing was asking me about my day and playing with the kids (thought he was being nice) and I was busy keeping the kids out of his way, doing dishes when it was his turn, so that he could do the work he needed to do.

We so were totally not tuned into what the other needed … until we talked, we realised how off we were and issues got resolved. Before the resolution you shoulda seen or heard what was going on in my head… “he just don’t care about me, I am tired of this shit.. go off and find me another man who cares.. the stuff I have to put up with with this man.. haki ya mungu…” it went on and on. “I am such a good wife.. does he see that.. ” I tell you stuff went on.

It seems so silly when I type it now.. but imagine.. it was a 3 week cold war in my house..

So yes.. marriage is hard, but if you put in the hard work, with the right person, its the best deal in life, hands down.

It is 22.40. Baby has been sleeping for 1 hours. She will be waking at 03.00am. I need to get my 4 hours before she wakes.

I have read it through only once.. forgive all the typos present.

Me and my babies

KK seems is of the conviction and belief that the only place to sleep is on mummy. The only place to chill is on mummy. The only person who can comfort and love her is mummy and that is all good until we acknowledge that mummy is ahuman being who needs a break once in a while.

Unlike when her brother was 4 weeks old, KK loves the car and her pram. Put her in eithr of them and get moving, she will sleep all way. For that I am grateful.

Today I was in DIRE need of a break  from my normal house routine with the car at my disposal, KK got packet into her car seat and we went window shopping at City Vest. (by the way, I promised myself that I will not be buying any new clothes till next summer. This is because when I finally finished unpacking all the boxes from our move last year …yeah took me that long to unpack.. I realised I had lots of clothes and good ones at that.. so until I use them, no more new clothes for me. See that’s not a hard thing for me cause I have never been a clothes horse. The only thing I want is a new pair of boots and a pair of closed, cute, comfy shoes which I can just slip into as in no laces no buckles. Oh and two sweaters. The current ones I have been wearing are like 4 years old and I wear them a lot…. I digress)

While at the mall I bumped into L and her kids.  What rubbish small talk we made. Her promising to call and me nodding saying yeah while I know that she will not call and has no intention of maintaining contact. This is how it is with L. I met her about 2 years ago, visited her twice, invited her numerously to my digs, she never showed. Called her twice , the third time was at the prompting of her hubby cause she was going through some thangs. All the time she was full of hot air about keeping in touch. Now I just play along. “yeah, see you soon and keep in touch.. mmh.. good call me when you can”. I’m ok with it cause I have figured her out.. which is basically.. “I am not interested in pursuing this further.. but will be polite” Something I have learned about people is to accept them where they are at and not to say stuff I do not mean.

Back to the mall: There were the cutest baby winter outfits and boys jackets…. I had to restrain myself. KK definietly needs those onsies winter overalls and Nikh needs a second winter flight suit. I need to check and see if his jackets from January  2010  still fit.

That was the mall. KK slept the whole time. In that way she is lovely.  Manga-manga-ring with her is a possibility. I bought a pair of work-out shorts cause you know I am going to start working out.  Then I stopped by the only shop which has jeans that fit my thighs and was disgusted at how jiggly my thighs are. That mirror in that changing room scared me. It was after that that I swung by the sports shop to get the workout shorts.. weeeh.. jiggly is not acceptable.  Oh then I saw my tummy. In that mirror at that shop. Mpaka I am wondering about my mirror at home which is not showing me all these things that I saw today.

I have stretch marks from carrying KK. I never got them with Nikh. They are not many nor unsightly. Infact they don’t really bother me that much. I wear them as a badge of honour.. bwana, I have carried 2 children, wonderful, beautiful children. My body has not let me down during the process. I am a fertile specimen.. that is what my stretchmarks symoblise to me… it was just a shock to see them in that lighting that’s all 🙂 and my tummy.. lets just say that mirror in that shop.. wacha tu. Tomorrow I have to carry out a cricital assesment of my body using my mirror under good lighting conditions. I have been planning on having nude professional photos of myself done.

Now pick up your jaw from the floor. Don’t go nuts thinking porno or anything like that… just tasteful nudes. Have one every year to document my changing aging body. Hubby thinks I am NUTS to even consider it. Me I think it is a good idea. There is nothing like a nude photo to show you exactly how you look. I do not recommend it for people in denial about thier bodies.. 🙂 I know the shop where I will have it done, I just have not plucked enough courage to go in and ask. I wanted to do pregnancy shots but again.. my courage failed me.

So that is me and us.

have a smashing weekend.

Part 106: Hair and Weight

Understand this; NONE and I am not exgerjurating, NONE of my clothes fit me. It’s not even funny. When in Nairobi my sister went to Garissa Lodge and bought me 4 of those cheap Somali dresses for like ksh 150 each.  I then had4 maternity dresses made for me at the cost of ksh 1000 each. That is all I have been wearing since June. Prior to that I had bought 2 maternity skirts and 4 maternity tops.

The afore mentioned clothes are the only things that fit (though I look like I have borrowed someone’s clothes), but here is the thing, I can’t wear them cause the are not condusive to breast feeding. Only one skirt fits and that is all I am wearing including hubby’s sweats.

Not fun at all.

Moving on to Hair.

The pics I posted of myself shows my hair in braids which I had done at Kenyatta Market. I want them out like NOW.Prior to leaving for Nairobi I had made up my mind to loc my hair. One of my aunts is loced. So are two of my cousins. My aunt’s and one of my cousin’s locs did nothing for me. The other cousin I was like yeah.. that is more like it. What’s more her hair is more like mine in color and texture. F who mans the stall at Kenyatta market also has locs that I like. So that was the plan -lo c my hair. I arrived in Nairobi with 4 month old braids  which looked at ratty as they were old. Off I went to the salon to have them removed, washed my hair and blow dryed it.

OMG! My hair was LOONG. Even the chick blowdrying it was shocked. She was like “Kumbe hii nywele yako ni ndefu” (your hair is long) I kid you not it was up to my shoulders. I was like “ooookay.. kumbe this braiding works” so all thoughts of locing flew out the window cause I was like damn my hair is long I need to enjoy it when out” So instead of locing I braided it.

Now the braids are bugging me. I just want them out and I KNOW that is not a good idea cause I do not have the time to be fidgiting with my hair everyday hence the mini braids. But for some reason they are really bugging me and I want them out but I know myself. I will take them out, enjoy having my hair for like 3 days, be soo frustrated at not having the time to deal with it then cut it off. So for now the braids are here to stay. Ugh!

This post was originally done on 24.08.10

Inspiration

She inspires me kabisa, fashionwise that is.. (how she speaks is another story all together). I don’t always like what she has on but 90% of the time I am like “hot damn, I wanna get me one of those”..so one day.. I did hehehe.. here she is.The black and white outfit is from this year while she is in Spain on holiday and the shorts picture is from last year. Those shorts stirred up such a debat I was like “whaaat, if I had thighs that firm and cellulite free at 43 I would have shorts on 24hrs first lady or not.. wacheni upuzi!!

And below is me.  For the past 4 weeks I have been feeling ugly and fat. See I am not one of those women who glows or is radiant when I am pregnant. Instead I am fat, acne ridden and tired. I have been looking at pics of myself reminding myself that I am hot.

Me: Dec 2009 a few days before I found out I was pregnant with baby no. 2. Weight 76-78kgs

 

Me: March 2010 about 4.5 months pregnant. Weight: 80something Kgs

 

Me: August 2010 9 months pregnant. weighing a whooping 95kgs!

Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to having my baby. Infact everytime I feel a twitch or something unusual I am like 😀 finally! I cannot wait to get my body back and I am praying, praying that it behaves like last time. After my first born was born, I lost all the weight in a month. I have been told by the doctor and one of my aunts that it was from breastfeeding. My son was on breast milk and water only for the first5/6 months of his life before I introduced solids. He refused to drink any other milk until I stopped breastfeeding at 16months. Yes, that is how long I breastfed. When I stopped, it took him about a month before he tried cow’s milk or any other milk.

I intend to breastfeed for as long with this one, even when I return to work.
So now you know what I look like :-D. Enjoy for this is the second and last time lol!
(pssst… I am working on learning my way around youtube and editing videos.. when I get the hang of it, and start being more natural on camera as well as get rid of that ka-voice in my head that says “u too ugly to be on youtube” I will holla)
Gotta go clean up.. baba baby came home early and was a bit taken aback at the state of the house. What did I say “serves you right for coming home early” 🙂  Him and little boy are out grocery shopping. Laters  

 

 

 

 

Moving forward

Today is a good day because today I set aside my fear and get on with living my life.

This is my life.

This is what I have and I am going to work with what I have to achieve my dreams.

I know life will sometimes throw me unexpected curve balls, but that’s alright. Been there, stayed there, wallowed there, got out, moved on, got hit again, but I am still up and running. So fuck you for trying to think you can keep me down again. I am up and running again and watch me fly.

Since I love lists and to-do action plans. (I love them! They give me a sense of control and the feeling that I am progressing towards something cause every so often I cross things off my lists and I feel like Superwoman 🙂

Here is my to-do lists:

Very Short-term to-do /To be done list (by 10th August)

  • Pay the dentist bill today
  • finish tidying up the library/office and clear out that box of baby clothes into the plastic box
  • find a permanent home for the clothes in the boxes
  • sweep the garage and make sure things are away from potential water leak
  • put all books that are in cardboard boxes into suitcases
  • finish the list of all the decorative stuff we need for the  house so that we can budget for what we need
  • buy legs for the box mattress
  • buy the baby pram and clean the baby car seat (like pronto) stop fiffing around on this
  • buy the grass cutting machine (we are the only house on the road that has a garden looking like a jungle… I am not even joking
  • Start ticking things off the list on the fridge

5 Month Goal (deadline Jan 31st 2011)

  • Finish the business plan FINISH IT. ( i don’t know where to start or end….. FINISH IT. You went to school, you know how to research stuff. Finish it. Period
  • Loss all the pregnancy weight – goal is 73kgs. As of today 20th July 2010 I weigh a whopping 95kgs. Pre-pregancy weight was 78kgs
  • Finish the buiness plan
  • Find out about that course … just find out.. nobody said I have to join it.. just get all the details then you can decide what to do next ok.. just find out.
  • Spend 1 hour everyday reading something in danish and write it out. (I swear to God the goals I set myself.. but fuck.. this I have to do if I want to get what I want.. . shit… I already don’t even want to do it.. but I gotta do it..

 So there you have it.

Recorded on cyber space for all and sundry to witness.

Let the crossing begin.

Magazines

The coconut cake is baking in the oven, tonight is take-out night, tomorrow’s Saturday, I am rested, relaxed and chilled… so what better way than to talk about my passion

Cakes and Magazines (plus novels and chips!… I can live on chips (as in french fries) year in year out!). Before we had our son I used to spend on magazines like crazy. Every kind you could think of, from the gossip weeklies to News Week. When we moved out of our first property in England, I was embarrassed by the amount of magazines I had to throw out.. must have weighed like a ton and that was just for that year. I then made the conscious effort to cut back on my purchases by being more discriminating. That I did.. though I still spent an obscene amount. Then we moved to Denmark.

Denmark meant one income, 25% VAT and bloody expensive magazines, especially the English ones. For x-mas ’06 hubby got me a year’s subscription to Oprah and I tried tried to cut back on buying magz. I was down to buying about 1 or 2 magz a month.  Then my danish got better and I was able to read more and more and slowly I have started buying them again. In a way I am OK with buy the Danish ones because I feel I get to learn more about Danish culture and all the stuff you can’t really get to know by asking someone. I have been sucked into the Royal family and tend to buy the tabloid that focuses on Royals around Europe. (me thinks Princess Mary of Denmark has the most X-factor of any current royal).

I have lost track as to why I started this post about magazines.

Anyway… I am now more discriminating about what I buy. I don’t buy Oprah anymore because it’s the same articles over and over.. though I am getting the one with Mrs O on the cover. (I love all things Mrs O, I even bought this months Vouge which had her on) Vogue is one mag I just never could get into. A lot of the magazines repeat stuff over and over. No there is no one true diet, no there is no secret to dressing this way or that way and no there is not hottest must have item because next month there is another and another and another you get the drift. Mostly I now buy for the feature articles or interviews.

Now I remember why I started this post. It was about fashion and mags. Was it last year I decided to be more stylish and pay closer attention to what I was wearing. I think it was. The result of that is that I have become more aware of the fashion pages in magazines. Especially the African mags. (Every time I travel which is not so often or when hubby is in UG or KE, I make sure he gets me all the African Woman Magazines and True Love East AFrica that he can lay his hands on). The fashion pages just drive me wild with glee and happiness. Just to see beautiful gorgeous AFrican women and to read issues from the AFrican woman’s perspective, the interviews… My True Loves never get thrown out.

As to whether I have implemented what I am learning about fashion is another story all together. Being stylish is hard work and high maintenance. To have your hair looking ish means work every morning and night (which I am not into and never have been into). Dressing stylish means spending a certain amount on clothes and clothes shopping and being aware of what matches what in your wardrobe (which is hard work because I buy what I like, I do not stop to think… “this will go with this.. if I buy this, what will I wear it with”). I am a jeans girl. Always have been. I could live in jeans year in year out. Right now I have so many.

A few weeks ago I was feeling, ugly, dowdy, unfeminine and plain FUGLY, so I convinced my hubby to use his pay pal account to buy me some jeans I had seen on www. pzijeans.com. I came about that site after deciding that it was not me who had the problem but the fashion industry. Their narrowmindedness totally ignores a whole market of women, hence I googled “jeans for curves” and hey presto. I even got SKINNY JEANS and I look hot. Hubby thinks I look hot! I got three pairs (not all skinny) at a very good price (even with the taxes added that I had to pay prior to collection the post office)

Talking of post office I must give a shout out to Kenya Post and Telecommunications.  Whenever mum and sis send me slow mail (usually pictures from all the family gatherings/events I am missing) I get them within 3 days. This has happened 3 times in a row and I am like… woha! If they send the stuff Monday… lastest Thursday I have it here.

With that note, I want to share this website with you. I am not sure who the target market is… but it is certainly not me. I discovered them they intially launched, read them for a while then sorta stopped then today I got an email and …. viola!. The current issue is so not me.. I am not feeling it at all.. hence the comment on target audience. Enjoy www.mimimagazine.com

The cake I baked is one of my best so far. I love to eat cake you have no idea!

PS. I started this post at about 4.30pm It is now 22.39pm.  This is how blogging works these days. I took an oath with myself that my son, my hubby, my school work, my home, my novels come first in that order then blogging. I am so pressed for time these days. I sat down and wrote out what I do every hour of the day and was shocked at how litterally every hour is used on something, so I need to cut back on stuff and that includes the gym until I finish school. That will free up a lot of time for me.

Last tip of the day. A quote from Mrs O.  (I have paraphrased it) She said  she works out is because if makes her feel good and it is important for her daughters that she feels good . Then only will they grow up feeling good about themselves. I so agree about that.

Talking of gyms, I reached my goal weight at the begning of this month (as earlier plegded) . I am so pleased.  I am about 300grm over the target weight. I am now aiming to loose another 2 kgs. My goal is to arrive there through smaller portions. (I say that with doubt given that I had chips/fries for lunch, take out for dinner, cake for dessert… what hope do I have 🙂

Oprah- back on the wagon

I have a love hate relationship with Oprah. One minute I am digging everything… well almost everything she has to say the next 4 minutes I cannot stand to watch her show.

I have basically not been watching her for some time now.  I will turn on the screen see what is on.. then watch depending on if the topic gets my fancy. Even Dr Oz is boring!

(PS: the cable guy has not yet disconnected us.. we are watching cable on borrowed time 🙂 we gave them notice them days.  As far as I am concerned they can keep taking their sweet time!)

Anyway, as I was saying.. so today at around 10.45 – 15mins to end of the show, I decide to turn on the TV and see what Opie is talking about. And imagine what.. for the first time we in Denmark were watching what the guys in US were watching.. the new Oprah show of 2009 on which she tells us why she gained weight and how she is going to loose it.

I caught the last boring parts which had nothing to do with Opie.

It is now 23.16. Big Al is seated next to me doing his thing.. on his laptop.. can’t even tell you what it is. there is a cartoon drawing of a man on one side of the screen then some other scrambled things… coding.. what do I know.  Anyway, I was feeling hungry ..no I was feeling sorry for myself and decided to  something to eat.. so I asked Big Al if he would have tea and choco cake (left overs from his birthday) and he was like “yes love”

This story is going somehwhere.. it is related to Opie and the show I missed!— so anyway.. I made the tea and got him a choco slice. While in the kitchen I decided I am not really hungry.. and I will feel bad about eating the cake and that feeling is just not worth the hassle. i.e I did not get anything to eat!

I get back to the seat and ask Big Al if he feels like going to the toilet. He looked at me like I had lost my mind. “” What.. and why?

Mrembo: “don’t you feel like going to the loo”

Big Al: “Why”…(I can see he is getting irritated by my insane question

Mrembo : “So that I can watch Oprah on your computer”

Big Al: ” I offered to buy you a computer and you refused so nope”

Mrembo : “we have no money” (my husband likes to think that we won the lottery at one point… which reminds me.. why is the bank account balance telling me it is the end of month while the calendar says it is only 5th January)

Big Al: “what is in it for me”

Mrembo:  ” I made you tea and cake”

He concedes and hands over his comp to me and I get to watch bits of the show from Oprah.com. (my computer is so old.. that the memory cannot handle playing a DVD or stuff from certain websites… thankfully I can watch things off youtube)

Ms Oprah is a trip… nah.. she is just human. She put up her diet plan and I felt sorry for her. The only carbs she is getting is from half a sweet potatoe and oatmeal porridge.  She has already set herself up for failure. Once you have eaten chocolate, bread, cake etc.. there is no way you are going to successfully maintain weight loss on a diet that prohibits those things.  I FIRMLY believe that the key to weight loss is learning how to eat even the forbidens in moderation.

The other thing was how fascinating that even with all that money, she still has “everyday people problems”

Ain’t life funny!

Have a carb filled day!