Yesterday and Today

Don’t know if I mentioned this to you guys, but I am contracted to work 3 days a week (23hrs), but sometimes due to employee leave, sickness and plain old extra work, I get asked to come into work the other 2 days. The past 3 weeks I have worked all week and I have been exhausted. So this week when asked if I could come in, I was like no, no, no . Come December I am planning on working full working weeks.. God help!

Yesterday:

I cleaned the house, juu chini (from top to bottom). We are still only using 4 rooms in the house; living room, study, kitchen and utility room. The rest is still inaccessible due to the bathroom renovations which is about 5 days away from completion. yipee! I plan on taking 2 days off to clean .. anyway who knows, might not be able to get those two days off.

We had a windstorm last night. Throughout the country 47 trees went down. Our roof leaked. I had to call in the roof people. Called 4 companies, got lucky with the 4th. He came out immediately by then Big Al was home and did all the talking. We got to go up on the roof. Fun fun. Our roof is flat topped. He repaired it and talked us through it’s maintenance which was very appreciated by Big Al and I. He assured us the roof is in perfect order.. the leak was due to water coming in through the chimney, collecting in the beams and leaking onto my new carpet. We swept the roof clear of the water . Very pleased about some tips for the future work to be done. Some exposed beams have rot …..but that’s for sometime early next year.

Cooked oven chips, chicken fillets, tomatoes, cucumber and rucolar salad for supper. It went down well. Before that did two loads of laundry.  Put Nikh to bed at 9.00p and fell asleep myself which was not in the plan as Big Al and I had a date to watch “House”.

Today:

Woke up full of engery feeling high. On the way out to drop Nikh at daycare, the last of the capentry work for the bathrooms was delivered. Got back home Big Al was on his way off to work, he picked the mail.. hey presto, big ass bill for the temporary toilet we are currently using. We agreed not to let it bog us down. Tidied the house, did 2 loads of laundry, baked a cake, went running 5.5kms or thereabouts. Washed my hair, had a shower, fried turkey breasts for tonight´s supper, ironed mine and baby’s clothes for tomorrow. Made another cake for a collegue at work. I promised him on Tuesday that I would do so. At work all the foreigners sit together during lunch. All the Thai chicks and 2 guys sit together, then the rest of us, Iran, Iraq, Uganda, Ghana, Burma and Afghanistan sit together.  So we kinda bring stuff for one another during lunch break. That is our longest break; 25mins.

It’s now 15.03. I leave the house at 15:10 to pick Nikh. The hours go by so fast. I had planned on going to town for myself and do some windowshopping.But after a quick consult with my bank account all plans of going into town were nixed.

Big Al is coming home late tonight. So it’s just me and baby. Everything is done and ready for tomorrow as well as for supper. So when he gets home we will play and watch tv.

Gotta run. It’s cold gray and ugly outside. I usually use the bike when I go pick him up.

I finally found the camera, now I have to find out how to charge it, then I will start taking pictures.

have a fun day wherever you are.

Kisses!

 

Girl or boy that you are

On a lighter note, I have also been working on this post in my head. The post is inspired by a youtube-er I watch. She has a segment she calls “Every Diva should have”.  I will further add “every diva/divo should have”. What she does is show case what she thinks every diva should have. It’s all done in a sprit of fun and laughter and I like.

It got me thinking, “what kind of girl am I”.  I have never been seriously into clothes and fashion, but, but I think I am finally figuring out my sense of style. At 32 imagine that, but I think I am figuring it out. I have never been a girly girly girl. I am more of a “comfort girl”. All things comfy is me. Hence, I do not own a pair of heels, but I did get some boots with a 2 inch heel and they were killing me the first week, lakini I am getting the hang of them.

So what kind of girl am I? As in what do your friends, collegues and family know you for.  After careful thought I came to the conclusion I am an earrings-kinda-girl. I have recieved comments at work about my earings, apparently people notice that I change them a lot. I do not do big, flashy dangling stuff. I do studs, small danglers and own two pairs of hoops, small ones. The silver pair, I bought in Ug while still at University and the gold ones I got for my 30th birthday from Big Al at my request. Other than that, I have lots of “African earings” that I usually buy when I get home, in almost every color. When I got Nikh, I did not wear danglers for a long time, because little babies like dangling things and will pull at your ears. I have about 3 pairs of studs. My oldest being some 8 carat gold earings that I got when In high school, from downtown Kampala.

So what are you known for, it could be bangles, handbags, shoes, hair sytles.. do tell

 

gotta run

True life Hero?…think not

When we moved in about 4 weeks ago, the cable TV connection for the previous owners had not yet been disconnected. Suddenly after 9 months without cable tv, we had cable. Yippee. It lasted 2 days and with a quickness it was disconnected. Hubby punched the numbers and realised we could afford it until the end of this year given the ridiculous offer the cable company was giving. Will we have it next year.. don’t think so. After 9 months without it, we don’t miss it, we don’t watch it much…. but lets wait and see.

With that introduction I will delve into the purpose of this post. There is a lot on my mind, a whole lot and I once did a post about it and deleted it the next morning. I checked my blog stats and realised 2 people had read it. Ouch! I was upset that night, the feelings were honest but presented harshly, crudely with underlying anger and frustration.

Today I think I am ready to present it “properly”. But first about cable tv.  As I type, CNN Heroes has just ended. I could not help but think that even though CNN is the messenger and distributor of all news bad, once in a while they carry good news and it touches my soul.  CNN Heroes in one of them and every time I see it, I am left feeling helpless and useless. Useless that at 32 my circle of influence and helping others had not reached out beyond my nuclear family. That only once in a while I will help my extended family but even that is not a given. And it all comes to money.

I feel an enromous amount of guilt that I am not able to sustain a regular monthy allowance to my mum. There I said it. It eats me alive.  I should be able to, I mean, people hear that I have bought a house and I am having renovations done, so how come you cannot send money every month. It bothers me a lot. Sometimes it depresses me to the point I don’t want to call home because then I don’t have to deal with knowing that things are tough and I have not made a contribution. I have no excues except to say, I sometimes do not have enough to go around. It’s as simple as that and yet so complicated. 

So when I see CNN Heroes or read about people doing such wonderful things for others, I look at myself and think, how can I even think of others when those in my own back yard still lack.

I understand it is about giving what you can and when you can. And so it continues. I look forward to next month. I have worked more hours this month, so there should be something left over.  Like I said, when I can, I do, when I can’t I don’t and that’s just how it is.  The tough part is  living with that.

what to do? to do what

I want to be a hero and that was part of the dream that I lost a long time not so long ago.

There are many thoughts on this issue in my head. I will bullet them

• African equivalent of welfare system. We support each other
• Dependency and the burden it places on the person depended on
• Duty giving or love giving
• Expectation and payback/giving back
• Ensuing distance and resentment btw giver and reciever.

discuss.

Just a Band

Archer once blogged about these guys, that’s how I got to know about them. First time round I was not feeling thier songs but this one, oh la la baby. Just touches me in all the mushy places of my soul. It’s a sweet sweet song and the video is totally plus. Reminds me of  Freshly Ground’s Pot Belly love

Watch, enjoy and support

I am over at Youtube watching music videos, having my own little disco party.

Oh and if you have not been by YayeMarie’s you all need to stop by. She has some lovely stuff going on there.

Just finished

I just finished reading The Memory Keeper’s Daughter  by Kim Edwards.  I picked it up at our local library in the new town we have moved to. I was starved for some English books, cause i have not read anything new in like 3 weeks and I was going through withdrawal symptoms. The English section of the library is pitiful, but I found this gem.

I found the language a tad verbose , too flowery and  overly descriptive. Some sentences were unnecessarily long but the story did grab me from the very begining and I just had to finish it. Unlike some books, I did not read it word for word and found myself scheming through some pages.

What touched me about this book is the author skill at depicting how distance between two people grows and how human beings can sometimes fail to “see” one another especially  in supposedly “intimate” relationships. How in our misguided love for others we can do one thing or things that create even more distance and kill a relationship. How we can do something so wrong and yet at the core of us not be evil in anyway. How the truth, no matter how hard it is, is always the best way forward, always.

Now I gotta go cook and shake off the feeling of this book. It was a tad heavy, emotionally that is.

Have a truthful day. Resolve in yourself today to always tell the truth. Trust me, it is hard hard hard, but by God, the saying is true, it does set you free. Remember every decision you ever make has a consequence , so why not start out with the truth, no matter how ugly it is.

Snapps all around.

Woes on the Job

For the past two weeks I have been posted at another hospital washing beds and  making beds. I HATE MY JOB. With that out of the way let me proceed.

It’s 06:22 in the morning. I am showered dressed and ready to leave the house. I have had the car since my commute is a little longer and without the car I would not be able to pick Nikh on time from the day care lady. Big Al cycles him to daycare then gets the bus into work. I pick him up in the afternoon. It’s working fine for now. I hate that washing bed thing so much, more than my usual gig which is ironing and folding clothes. At the other place I have my pals, we get a long, there’s lots of people. Here, I work with three other people and they are fine and all.. we just don’t blend, a lack of chemisty.

One of the guys keeps pulling or touch his penis. It is so disgusting and unsightly. And because he keeps using his forefinger and thumb I can’t help thinking “kwani how small is it” . He keeps adjusting it or them, me I don’t know and it just ugh! yuck! I feel like yelling, keep your hands away from your crotch or do it in private. Or maybe his underpants are tight. Gross!

The other guy is a thug. Walks like one, talks like one, has the air of one. He is the kind of guy I do not want to meet alone. I swear he looks like those rightwing, “keep Denmark white” , I hate all non-white people thugs. We do not talk, he does not talk to me, I do not talk. I can’t even look at  him. He just creeps me out totally.

His mother is my supervisor.. would you believe that. She asked me if I like this new gig, I was like, I would rather go back to my other place. She was not expecting that response and I could see she was taken aback.  I am through with lying to make people feel comfortable. So later she comes back saying, it’s because you don’t smoke and because there are not so many “foreigners” working here as opposed to the other place. I was like “whatever”. Then the ball grabber had been giving me orders and directions all the time. “you gotta straighten out the edeges of the sheet, this is how you do it, blah blah blah, good job, now you just have to be faster.. ” Yesterday I told him off. He started on his orders and I said in my nice polite way with a smile “you’re irritating me with your orders. I know what I am doing and if you want it perfect then stop asking me to worker faster. I have been here 1 week, 3 days. You have been here over a year, lay off with the orders” He was taken aback too. Started saying stuff about just wanted things to look good blah blah blah, I wanted to rid him of his balls. Idiot!

Back from work and continuing this post at 16:00 (Big Al and Nikh are out in town bonding, the roast is in the oven, pototoes await peeling, usual back from work housework awaits.. but I’ll get to that when I am done here)

Yesterday’s word of the day was VUMILIA (persevere). As I worked the only thing I could think was  “I am slowly dying here, I need to get out of this place, I will die in my soul if I keep doing this, I cannot take this any longer”  So that was clear, then I asked myself  “ok then , so you quit your  job then what? What are the alternatives? I came up blank. Job hunting is totally out of the question.

I resolved in myself that I never ever want to be employed by anyone ever again. Me going to work for someone, me begging or hunting for a job is not in the cards. I DON’T WANT TO. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. So I have been working on something, something that is so long from fruition, I loose hope and I gain hope, all the while working and strategising towards this thing that I am planning on doing. I am scared out of my bones, but fuck that, I tried the employment thing, and it ain’t cutting it, so I’m going to try this other thing and see what happens. It fails, it fails, at least I tried.

So if I am not job hunting and if my other thing is not off ground then what, sit at home and be bored, poor and upset… hence “VUMILIA mama! just a little longer sweets, you have a lot on your plate right now, get that out of the way then get cracking“

Today’s word of the day has been “count your blessings” and that I did on my ride to work, aloud in the car, like a mad woman beating away at the blues that want to make home in my mind.

That which has brought the hate for my job into focus is working with these new guys. Honest to God, there is nothing wrong with them at all, apart from what I said about, it’s just that we don’t gel and already I hate what I do, now add lack of chemistry and hey presto. But I am a fly chick, hot chick, tough chick. Tomorrow is my last day. Even if they beg and cry there is no way I am staying there next week. I want back at my other boring mundane job. At least I get to laugh and see my buddies.

So if you are having a tough ride at the moment, VUMILIA. It never ever last forever. That’s the beauty of life, nothing is static, everything changes in time and with time. It’s just a matter of time.

Kisses folks.

Quick hit

found these guys tonight. Take a look and be entertained.
http://kenyanboyschoir.com/

Fasta fasta!

1. I employ ” ! “ way too much in my writing. I know I need to revisit my grammar lessons, more so now that I am thinking of offering my  expertise to  school kids in need of  extra tuition in English. (will let you know more about that once I have got my replies back).

2. We have finally moved and tomorrow will be exactly 7 nights we have spent in this house. My absolutely non-religious husband shocked me on our first night here when he said to me ” so have you prayed for the house…….tonight when we have dinner you should say a prayer for the house.. then later on get the local priest/pastor to come pray for the house”. I was gobsmacked! Thing is, everytime we have moved into a new place; this house being fifth, I  have always prayed and recounted to Big Al, how my mum had the local pastor come to our home and pray for the house I grew up in and that mum still lives in. I remember her telling me that her dad, my granddad, had told her to ensure she did that. The pastors came home, had tea and later we had “maombi” /prayers for the house. The prayers go along the line of chasing away any evil, calling for God to dwell and bless the home etc etc. Since then I have always, always prayed for any space I live in, before I lay my head down the first night.

Even when my dad moved house, the other home I grew up in (and my dad did not do church or religion while I lived with him..  though of late I hear he has been going to church), I went around praying for the house, for each and every room. First time I did it Big Al thought it cute, later he would tease me about it, but I still prayed. So his request to get the pastor he pleasantly surprised me.

3 . We are slowly falling into routine. The house is still a building site and hopefully work will be finished in about 3 weeks. We are of the opinion, things take the time they take. No point in rushing them, then getting shoddy results in the end. We chose to have the bathrooms and hallway redone. We are having floor heating installed and a new floor. That has entailed them digging all the way to the ground, literally and redoing things again. Right now we live in the family room. The builders provided an outdoor toilet/shower container.  So we shower on the main driveway . When I get a minute I´ll put up pics.

4. And that’s about all from me. Don’t know when I will be back. There is loads and loads to be done and since money is an object, we are doing loads and loads ourselves.  We got the living room and kitchen painted. We still have the utility room, 3 bedrooms and hallway to finish. Then there grass to be mowed, plants to be uprooted, clothes line to go up, lots and lots of stuff to do, which my middle class African self is saying.. haki ya mungu, I wish I could get someone to do this!

5. I have been thinking about being grateful and at this point in my life I feel I have a lot to be grateful for. My husband loves me and I him. My child is healthy, loving and happy. He brings us much joy. One of my dreams came true. I co-own a house (ok so the bank is letting me live in it till I…eh we… pay them off, cause we all know they own my house). My health is good. My mum, sis and dad are alive and well. Life is tough but they are tougher. No health issues there. I have a few good friends. One who surprised me while we moved, my heart was touched.  The list is pretty long when I sit down to think about it. So I have been very thankful. Praying to the powers that be an offering my thanks. (let’s not even start about who I pray to. All I know is that there is a God/supreme being and that is whom I pray to, if HE goes by the name Allah, God, Jehovah, Mungu, Mukama… me I don’t know. All I know is that I pray.. tosha gari!

So have a thankful day. It may not all be perfect or as you had planned, but you know you gotta it better than most.. hey .. you can read this, that alone means you have access to a comp and internet and that puts you in a better place than many. So give thanks

Be blessed.

@#* bleh “#! and everything

I had run out of gas totally. Decided not to push it and rode the gas-less wave. Then someone sent me an “I think you should try this one out” email. I looked at the email and thought, yeah, I can do this. The engine begun to rev. Been so long since I had that feeling and I got into the groove of things.

Did the first cover letter sent it off for editing and stuff. That was today morning. An hour ago I was filling out this long-ass application form and guess what, I get to part 8, the end of it all and frigging bleh!.  I had to attached a cover letter, which I had not yet done, cause my stupid reasoning concluded that I would not need it. So I start to do the cover letter and in the process loose all the work I had done because the totally useless website does not let you close, save and return later. effing shit if you ask me.

I am off work this week and next due to moving house and Nikh starting daycare at a new place. I am beat. (yeah right, and you still have time to blog) bugger off I say!

Two things, being without loads of money is a pain. Living in Europe can be a pain. I could do with some cheap labour ala homestyle. Me, who has never painted a wall in my life spent 5 hours painting 1 room and 4 cupboard doors. Big Al is totally swamped at work with a deadline for tomorrow, so at the moment, I am dealing with the physical aspects of the house move alone.

Should I tell you of the melt down we both had, as in Big Al and I. Total meltdown that led to one of those yucky talks anyone in a  good relationship should and will have.

Anyway since I stopped expecting life to be fair and since I lost my I deserve xyz because xyz  attitude, my life with regards to handling issues has been so much easier. So here we are Big Al and I, totally overwhelmed with stuff. We are having major renovations done to the house cause the house is dated. I found the workmen, Big Al cut the deal after lenghty discussion between us and the bank. In come family with, are you serious, no way, we could get you a better deal . Nothing like making you second guess your decision, then all the other stuff,setting up new bills for the new house, paying off old ones, will we or will we nor hire a moving truck. I am yeah he is aye. Work,  do we have enough money for this, is Nikh’s stuff ready for his new daycare, the owner of the flat wants an exact move out date, we finally agree on the date and on top of all this  our normal life still has to go on while all this is taking place, food’s got to be cooked, house kept clean, toddler entertained, you know normal life. Talk about a pressure cooker enviorment. Come Sunday, explosion baby!

We don’t do shouting matches. Never have. Not our style. But we have done and do, snide comments, passive aggressive shit, emotional withdrawal.. you get the drift. So anyway, I had had enough so I drew the first shot and off we were. Yesu! Some of those talks are hard, but you know what, you gotta do it cause you have to get the emotional stuff on the table, feelings and all. It sounded little bit like this

Mrembo: I can’t help if you don’t tell me what is going on with you.

Big Al: There is no point in telling you cause I get shut down, like my issues are non-issues, here is the solution, let’s move on to Mrembo’s issues.

Mrembo: What the fuck are you talking about, that’s what you do to me, and then… blah blah blah.

Big Al: We are fundamentally different in the way we view issues and I have accepted that

Mrembo: That is not fair for you to say….(on something he had said earlier)

and so it went until we finally got to the point of understanding where the other was coming from and as I type this I can’t help but think, what exactly was the issue.(we were both suffering from  having withdrawn from each other and living seperate lives for about 1 week and as a result you start to feel disconnected and unhappy and my spouse don’t give a fig about me feeling begin to crop up) It’s uncomfortable to talk about the issues where you feel your spouse is letting you down and it is hard to hear about your own failings in fulfilling your spouse’s emotional needs. It’s these silent killers that just build and build and because one never talks about it, then one day you find yourself throwing in the towel.

At the end of our convo Big Al said “it’s hard work being married” and I was like “no shit”. (of the two of us, I swear, he almost never swears… me.. .my mouth ain’t so clean)

So yeah, that is how it goes with me. We were laughing today saying, yeah, just bring on something else we can handle it. The good thing is we are on the same page albeit we disagree on a few things here and there, but same page none-the-less and Baby Nikh is such a happy child. He is so happy and glad that  even when both his parents are feeling stressed and stuff, he makes us laugh with his totally genius moments.

In a way I feel energised. I can deal with this. Big Al and I are in it together

I really wish, many times I have wished so, that I was one of those who blogged about happy stuff, good stuff, all is going good in my life, but that’s just not my life, it’s up and down and.. well it is my life and so far I am ok with it. Would I change some things.. you bet.. like MORE MONEY MORE MONEY MORE MONEY, better job, better clothes, better shoes, you get my drift, but would I exchange my life with anyone’s hell no. Do I wish I had someone else’ life. It’s been a long while since that crossed my mind, a very long while.  Would I trade in my husband…. hmm now… if you had asked me this question last week.. I would have been like… maybe , today my answer is hell no!

Have a blessed day. I am off to bed. It is 23.36

I have read through once, forgive me if there are annoying mistakes… but I gotta go sleep.

East African authors

I need recommendations for some East African authors.

If you are a regular reader of this blog you know I love love romance novels and in particular American romance stuff. I devour the stuff with no shame . I also read a lot of general fiction of which I am just getting back into. Few weeks ago I decided to look through the English books section at the central library and was  pleasantly surprised to find a reasonable collection.

Anyway, reason I want some recommendations is because I am in the process of creating a wish list for myself at Amazon and would like to add some more African fiction to my collection.

here’s what you should keep in mind prior to recommending. I do not do, colonial or post colonial stories.. ala Ngugi wa Thiongo. I just don’t. I have no interest at all in that time period. I am more interested in current stuff, more like the short stories in the Kwani series.. but novel of lenght .

About a year ago, Midnighttraintojoburg (hey girl!!) recommended authors one whom I throughly enjoyed, Buchi Ementeta and the South African girl.. (her book in on my wish list)

So go ahead a hit me with some recommendations.

Here’s a list of what I have read in the past three weeks

“An interuption of Everything” – Terry Mcmillan (America general fiction)

“The Devil and Miss Prym” – Paulo Cuehlo (Brazilian general fiction). Got him at the library and they have a number of them so going to knock my self out. Also saw  “The No. 1 Detective” series books by that British author. I have only read one of them, intend to read all of them ever since I heard that the series with Jill Scott in the lead has been a big hit.

Dark Dagger Brotherhood series (5 of them) - JR Ward (America paranormal romance fiction) This is a re-read. Read all the books last year.

“Mercury’s War” – Lora Leigh (American paranormal romance fiction)

A book by Nora Roberts.. actually it was like 3 of them..(instantly forgettable) but entertaining romance

Prior to that I was into self help stuff where I read or tried to read “The Road less travelled” by M. Scott Peck.  While on that wave I also read and finished “They Fuck you up” by James Oliver and “Family First” by Dr. Phil…… eh..   you can tell I was going through some things.  James Oliver’s book was very interesting and had some interesting points.

Don’t know about you guys but I have a hard time reading British prose and that’s not to say I never read British authors. I will but only if I can get it free or really cheap. 

 

Oh and for all you “House” fans, wasn’t the opening of  season 6 or is it 5 just fantabulous.

This post is inspired by the BBC list of great hundred books of which they say most people have only read 6 at most. I had done 20. I know someone who has done like 40 . I think the list was crap. Who likes Charles Dickens etc. I only read those classics because I did literature until Uni and only for my first year at Uni there after I dropped it like hot potatoe cause I just did not click how the lecturer was deciphering plots and stuff. I would be like “where the hell did you get that from… I didn’t get that vibe at all”

Here’s the BBC list

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/3035807.stm

so how many did you do???