You

If your job consists of sitting at a desk. Thank your god. If you job has you sitting at a desk using your brain, even more thanks. If your job entails you actually using your education, your brain and sitting a desk, you need to make an offering of thanks to the powers that be.

I HATE my job. My body tells me everyday we need to quit. My brain says, “good idea.. then what do we do after we quit”. At the end of the day, my fingers hurt, my feet hurt and ache, now and then I get crinks and aches in my back. My job is slowly killing me, meanwhile my job applications are still soliciting “we are sorry, we regret, at this point we will not being going further” responses. Ugh!

Last year I joined a women’s network and was hooked up with a mentor. Point of the mentorship is that she is there to provide guidance, advice and encouragement on how to “intergrate” into danish society and help the mentee build a professional network with the aim of getting a job. The women’s network is targeted towards non-danish, university educated women living in Demark who are having a hard time getting employed. I have met women from all over the world at this club. Before I got my current Kibarua (job) I used to attend the meetings, trainings, seminars etc until I realised it was going nowhere..then I got my job and I stopped going. Towards the end it just became too much of negative stories. I got tired of hearing how companies were not hiring foreigners, how hard it was to get work, how women had to re-train as social helpers or daycare nannies and I was like.. this is not for me.

The reason I am going on about my job is because on Friday I got  hassled around about a potential job.  There was a position advertised internally at work and after two weeks of seeing the job ad, I decided to try it out. It would have meant more more money and a later start time. Currently I start work at 6.15am. which means I am usually up by 5.00am to catch the 5,30am bus that gets me to work at 6.05am giving me enough time to change into my uniform and be at my work station at 6.15am. The new job had a start time of 7.00m and a later finish at 14.45 as opposed to my current 14.00pm. Anyway, I talked to my superviser, she was like.. nope the positon is not filled and if you are interested, let me talk to the supervisor at that station and get back to you. She gets back to me saying I should go there Friday, get a hang of the job, if I like it, the job’s mine.. if not, report back to work on monday morning as usual. This conversation took place on Monday.

Come Friday I am at the new place.  I get into uniform and get attached to my trainer of the day. Oh I forget.. the job was as a “Sengevask” = bed washer. The job is exactly what the title says. Wash beds. The beds come in from the wards stripped of all linen. You wipe down the mattress, then move it to position A.  Roll the metal frame of the bed into the wet area, using a nice powered hose, hose the bed with water. Then move it to poisition B. GEt matteress from position A. Lay it on bed, make up the bed with the linens, roll bed out into corridor. Bed will later be picked up by some other guy.  The job is more physically demanding than what I currently do. The mattresses are the issue, they are heavy and you have to move them from bed to position A and back from position A to bed. I did two beds and figured this job was not for me..

Anyway later in the day, after me asking if the position was filled and everyone drawing a blank, the supervisor comes to me and says the position was filled internally on Thursday and had no one told me not to come. I was like huh! I spoke to supervisor on MOnday and all was settled. I did not work thursday so I got no feedback.. but if position is filled no probs.

I was kinda put off by the lack of info and them wasting my time. There was talk of me being used as a substitute when they are short and I was like. No thanks, I wanted it a full time positon. Working as a sub won’t work for me and my life right now. Thanks but no thanks.

So that was my work drama this week. At the same time I am glad I did not get it because the bus connection out to that place is hellish and with us moving out of town soon, it would have been a hassle. Big Al and I have talked back and forth about a second car. Jury is still out. Car ownership in Denmark is very expensive. It’s not the price of the car nor fuel. It is all the taxes. There a two yearly taxes that you have to pay. Then there is insurance which is bloody expensive etc etc. When you add the cost of having two cars.. Most Danes actually have one car. Very few own two cars.

Remember if you have a desk job. Thank God! What I would do for a desk job. Imagine you sit at a desk the whole day. Me I get to stand for 8 hours straight doing some repetitive motion. I need to get something else soon. Screw finance crisis.

Happy sitting

Naughty stuff

Why I am telling you this.. I don’t know.. guess I just want you to smile.

I’m on some medication and will be on it for some time. Nothing major. Got a letter from the doctor a few days ago and results were fine and dandy.

The medication has a number of side effects. One of which is a crazy tingling feeling in the limbs. Remember I mentioned it here. Turned out that is what it was. I had just started the stuff and had not made the correlation.

The other side effect can go two ways. One is up the other is down.. for me it is up. How did I know this, while cruising the web looking for more info about the drug I am on, I found a support group forum for people on it and read through it.

My libido is off the charts. The other day I asked Big Al after revealing a few things to him about my current situation, which by the way he is ABSOLUTELY loving. As  far as he is concerned if I can be on this medication for life… he will not be complaining.

so I said to him “Is this how men think about sex all the time.. cause I have sex on the brain non-stop and it is bloody exhausting” He smiled and nodded “yup.. that is how it is for guys”. I was like dang!

I’m just glad it is not the other way as in decreased libido. Not even sure that the word libido can be used in relation to women and nope I don’t feel like checking it up

So here is a few tips to all of y’all that are feeling sexy.

Married sex is very good sex. I won’t lie quantity is likely to decrease over the years.. but you GOTTA SPICE it up. ati how you ask me.. JUST GOOGLE ala .. In our house QUALITY has never been an issue.. quantity.. hey,,, show me a married couple that ain’t bitching about quantity.. now if you have probs with quantity and quality.. you got issues baby.. for real

have a sexy read! I know I’m getting some tonight lol .

Past few weeks

Nimekula nimeshiba, mpaka tumbo yani uma! Gluttony at it’s best. I will not be repeating this any time soon, I am sooo uncomfortable. can’t sleep.

I don’t know about where you’re at lakini hapa it is hot hot hot! There is no doubt that the sun in Denmark in summer is hotter than any other sun I have been exposed to in my many few travels. It burns. Sit in it for 10 mins and it starts to sting and burn like sharp needle points. Very different from Kenya or Uganda. My memories of it is more like a flat burn. You know like when you are seated in a car driving and the sun gets really hot, the burn is not uncomfy.. here it another story all together.  Let me just say I am loving it all

Denmark in summer is very lovely. Town feels like one big party f. Everyone and their mother is in town, colors abound, more flesh on display both male and female and may I say just say I am enjoying all the fleshy display , folks are eating out on the terraces. I am loving going to town, loving the heat.. just loving the sizzling atmosphere that is summer.

My life:

So so much is happening right now. So much that I am finding it hard to catch a moment to breath. We have finally FINALLY found a place of our own and have been running up and down doing all the necessary paperwork. Just so you know.. the law in Denmark states that a non-danish citizen cannot buy property if they have not been living in the country for more than 5 years. There are a few loopholes in that law that can be circumvented.. but I think this is what AFrican countries should be doing to protect their assests. As explained to us, this law is to protect against foreign investors coming in and siezing big chunks of land etc etc.. Anyway back to the property stuff. I’m in a place of shock, fear, excitment etc because for sooo long I have wanted my own house. FOR SO LONG. Those who know me can attest to this. When we moved to Demark I felt like I had kissed goodbye to so many things and this was one of them. For it to finally be happening is like a wow moment. I am a bit behind schedule but I have gotten there.

All this stuff with the house got me thinking as to why my move to Denmark caused such emotional and mental upheavl in my life and it is basically this. (I know I have probably said this somewhere before..) All my life.. growing up, I was a good girl. Was not a rebellious teenager, never bothered my parents with boys, didn’t demand anything, did my best in my studies (though I was and remain a very “average” student…yup, I passed my course with very average results.. boring!.. but decent pass). I did all these things because I believed after being taught that being good paid off. That if I did all as I was to do.. my dreams and life would pan out as planned. Bollocks! After my BA degree I had a rude shock. When all my former classmates were getting jobs in corporate Kampala.. I was still floundering in the streets of Kampala trying to get a hook up bila luck.  Then I went to UK to do my masters .. after really carefully considering what I should do.. and bought into the whole thing of .. “so and so’s daughter did her masters and now she works for XYZ blue chip company and is minting money”. Bollocks again.  Didn’t pan out for me like that.  When I look back I can see why.. first.. my average results throughtout my academic life, secondly my ignorance during those first years when it came to filling out those long ass application forms that bluechip companys so love, thirdly, my lack of specialisation or niching…and last by not least my age and last perhaps is just plain bad luck or it was not written.. who knows.

So moving Denmark had me losing my job, my identity and my opportunity to build a career life… .it just about killed me because my expectations of myself were not matching with the reality that was my life. In UK I had worked so hard to get my foot on to my career ladder and just when I had, I decided to follow hubby here. Colossal ass mistake. My first year here was horrible. Horrible for me, horrible for my husband cause I bitched like crazy. It is only last year that I was able to tell him…. “if I had not been pregnant.. I was so leaving you”. That year I went home twice.. twice… and both times it about me trying to decide if I was living him or not.. actually i went home once then went to England….whether I could do the single mother thing, cause at that time.. love was just not enough for me.

I look at where I am today and I kind of marvel. One, that we didn’t break up as a couple (cause I tell you I was not nice to be around, I complained about Denmark, I blamed him indirectly for not knowing how shit Denmark was to foreigners with career hopes, I blamed him for destroying my life, I blamed me for being stupid… ati.. I love a man so much I followed him) Two.. I marvel at how much I have gotten to know myself and look at all the stuff that I wanted, thought I wanted, stuff I have let go of , stuff I have held on to..Sometimes I look at myself and I think.. “dang girl.. you are the shizzle (ala Snoop Dog). Three…that a a couple we are in a good place right now. I said to Big Al the other day, I am so looking forward to moving in with you again”. It’s another new begining for us and I am looking forward to it. This time I am prepared. No false expectations. I am ready to for the good, the bad and the ugly.

So there you have it, that’s what’s happening in my life right now.. I am gloriously happy, stressed, busy and moving along with life. Sometimes I feel fearless. Like.. I know what it means to have shattered dreams (am talking about my career and the fact that my career was greatly tied to my identity of my self). I now know I can survive that and move on…so bring it on baby.. I’m ready

I know that this post has no flow….

Mashada mix

I’m fighting my demons.

I’m bored and as the saying goes, “an empty mind is the devil’s workshop”. I can’t sleep either, so I’ve been web-hopping and landed at Mashada.

Two things

This thread has really impressed me.. as in the fact it has not been derailed and the discussion. Given me stuff to think about. A lot of it mirrors the Munyakole/Muganda thing that has been going on in Ug for some time due to land issues. It also mirrors the existing Muganda/Acholi (mucholi) issue that has been going on for ever. Ati Luo and kyuks think they hate each other.. you have not tried the muganda /acholi cocktail.

This one on the other hand has scared me because it has roused my inner bigot-ness and I am having a hard time beliving I am like this, yet at the same time I find myself saying to my husband “I swear to God if they do anything stupid, even me I will fly back home to fight for Kenya. I don’t know why but I don’t like Somalis as a group.. on a individual level I have no issues.

Now I have to explain why I feel like this.  I feel that guns and gun crime came into Kenya cause of Somalis. I find their culture totally alien and exclusive and find it to be a culture that is TOTALLY AND UTTERLY unable to move with the times. I dislike how they dislike us and therefore I do not like them.

God! what difference is there between me and a white person who hates black people.

I believe humans are inherently flawed

Nobody, nobody

not a single person on earth has thier shit together.

I’m like this. If I like something or impressed by something, I have to find out everything about it or her/him. Yesterday I posted about “The Road Less Travelled” by M. Scott Peck. I mentioned I had read the book many years ago. I bought it a few days ago at my ka-usual secondhand book store and I am currently on page 99. That is slow by my standards but I am so into the book and so wanting to understand it that I am taking it a page at a time… i.e. slowly.

Anyway a few mintues ago I googled M. Scott Peck and find this very interesting interview and all I can think.. is “what the fuck.. how can he have fucked up his life so much  yet have written so hot a book.. a book that is considered the granddaddy  of all self help. Yesterday, without having read this article I called it the mother of all selfhelp.. and then he goes and messes up his life like this.. ala!

So there you have it. My take it this.

There are some truths out there. Some very obvious some not so . As an individual you have to find them and cultivate them into your life. You can’t look to anyone as a road map on how to live your life cause everyone is FUCKED UP.. its just a matter of degrees.  Live life, be happy, be good, be mean (when called for) be selfish, be strong (Cause this world will eat you up if you’re not) be happy and face the reality of your life. That’s what I think for now.. who knows what I will think tomorrow.

In ending I will say this.. M. Scott Peck’s life as per the interview is yet more evidence that all self help books must be read with a handful of salt and NO BODY has their shit together. We are all the same..

Have a fantabulous day!

mwah

Honest Scrap Awards

 

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed readers of this blog, I would like to thank you all for reading this blog and for having kept up with me for the past 3 years and 2 or so months. I would espeically like to thank the lovely and forever young Mwari  for having bestowed this honour on me.

The rules:

1. You must brag about the award
2. You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger
3. You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. ( ati 7.. I cannot oblige seeing that everyone that I would choose has alread been chosen)…let me think more maybe I will come up with a few
4. Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.
5. List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on

The ten:

1. I am a borderline addicted to…….I will not teeellll! In a way I kinda understand druggies and alcoholics but because I am ruthlessly cruel with myself and my habit, I am not completely sympathetic. It is tough shit trying to kick a habit and be able to say I kicked that. The longest I have gone has been about 1 year 8 months then bang!  my demons were back with a vengence and I was like.. where the fuck did that come from I had it under control.  Of late, witth regards to my “almost addiction”  I have been in battle mode. It sucks.. it’s part of me, it’s my beast and so I embrace her and say.. “hello darling.. let’s see who will win this one this time round”
2. I am actually a very happy, cheerful, funny person to be around despite what this blog depicts. I know and have always known that I write most when I am feeling crap, conflicted, down, depressed etc. I have tried more than a hundred times to do posts/ blog when I am in a “good space” and I just cannot do it. The words to not flow and I am not in flow. Negative emotions get my writing to flow.. happy ones .. well…
3. I am currently reading “The Road Less Travelled” by M. Scott Peck and marvelling at the fact that I did not pick this book up earlier. First time I read it I was about 18/19 and didn’t quite finish it leave alone understand it. As far as self help books go, this is the mother of them all and believe me I have read a gazillion of them (back in the day…these days can’t bring myself to read one).
4. If I love you, I wil talk about you a lot. As a result my conversations are peppered with Big Al said, Nikh the bandit did this the other.
5. I have a sock fetish that is not yet fully fulfilled.
6. This one is for all the ladies who are trying to get babies and it is not happening.  I have already said it here that I need some medical help  to get pregnant. So listen up. If your p’s are irregular and you haven’t been getting pregnant, you need to see a hormone specialist(endocrinologist) and have your hormones checked out. If you need more info contact me and I will give details.  I will still need to get treatment in order to get pregnant again. It’s nothing extreme like fertility treament but at the same time, for me, getting pregnant is not simply a matter of getting laid. (so if you plan on having or want kids and you have the man in tow, you need to get to it pronto.. stop waiting)
7. My current inspiration in all things weight and fitness is Amy. I have been following her since mid last year. This is what I mean
8. I am back running after an almost 5 month break. It is so annoying how quickly one looses fitness.
9. I’m struggling here… oh.. I .. something to do with youth envy.
10. .. you tell me!

Been trying to upload something.. will it work, will it not.

Mchuzi mix

I have just been at Mashada reading a thread about Development or something to that effect. About the possiblity of creating fedral states in Kenya aka Majimboism etc etc. I have forgotten the title of the thread. I read the first 3-4 pages in their entiriety and started getting agitated and stressed. I know that by opting not to follow any kind of news or “African development/the way forward for Africa” I am in essence burying my head in the sand. That’s fine with me. Why, because I look at my circle of influence and say to myself, “what can I do here and now for Kenya or Uganda, what am I doing” the answer, nothing. So then why should I stress myself by getting embroiled in conversation, speculation and postulation about things I can hardly do anything about. I have agreed with myself if I decide to do anything then I shall go into politcs or development and since that is not what I want at this point in my life.. my head continues to be buried in the sand.

I will say this though, that there are many intelligent, passionate dedicated Kenyans out there who all want the same thing for thier country and tribes. PEACE AND DEVELOPMENT. My mind struggles to find the solution to this. I have always said to my husband that I have dictatorial tendencies. God help everyone if I ever became president. I would just kill everyone in my quest to put Kenya/Uganda on the map. I think someone needs to blow up the whole sitting parliament so that we can start afresh with a new crop of leaders. If they then succeed in screwing things up like the current batch, then once and for all we will know that as a people we are seriously fucked up! That’s just the way I see it.

Haya on to other stuff now that that’s off my chest.

Finally finally my 2 year old son is sleeping through the night in his crib. HALLELUJAH! What a ride this sleep thing has been.

It is not all perfection. But it is 100% better than it used to be. He wakes up once for his bottle between 2.30 and 4.00am then again at around 6.30 then he sleeps till 8.00am. He gets to bed pretty late , usually at 9.30pm.. now that summer is here and in winter at 9.00pm. Any earlier than that becomes a waste of my and his time. He is saying more and more words.He speaks to me in English and to his Dad in Danish. When hungry he say.. “mummy food, eat”  When I say speak I mean 5 or 6 clear words.. the rest is just baby speak jumbled stuff that as a mother you learn to decode. But there certainly is a lot of progresss. Today for the first time he came into the living room and said “how u mummy” He is so grown. He is still not the biggest eater infact he is the thinnest in his  day care class, but not the shortest. At his 2 year check up he was a little under the normal weight gain curve which had me worried. Eating is still a bit of an issue. As long as he does not snack during the day, then he will eat very well. Once he snacks or has sweets.. that is his eating ruined for the day. Big Al keeps saying that his eating genes have not kicked in yet given the way the both of us like to eat.  Did I say he is lovely. God he is beautiful!

My man:

Where to start. Very interesting stuff between us. I’ve told you before that me and him talk a lot. So the other day on a drive to an animal park we got talking about personal development and I was telling him how I had a light bulb moment,( courtsey of some “live your best life” podcast): that tweaking and reevaluating your life is a continous process. There never comes one point where you can say “ah I have fixed this once and for all, never have to look at it again”  One has to keep checking, taking stock, tweaking here and there, straigtening out priorities because things change, time goes by and life is never static.  He laughed and said that is how he felt about money issues. Big Al hates dealing with money issues.

In a perfect world he would only have to deal with going to work earning money and the rest sort out themselves. This worked fine in England, we both worked, I did all the nitty gritty and would just give him papers saying “sign here, sign here and there”. As long as the money he wanted was there, he did not bother with the rest. I on the other hand like to tweak, move, save, do this and that to the money. Funny thing is that he is easy with letting money go and I hoard it. His attitude is ”I can always get money” mine is “Hoard all you can cause you never know when you will see it again” Anyway like I said.. it worked perfect in England.. then we moved here  Denmark that is.

and things just went to hell in a handbasket. Suddenly he had to do the tweaking and stuff because of my language deficiency. He has hated every single minute of it. When he finally said this to me in the car I was like “I know.. and I have hated every minute of having to give up that control to you.. but guess what soon I am going to be able to do this on my own”. He says  “can’t be soon enough for me” More and more I am taking control over it. If you think other countries have a confusing tax, pay, banking system, you haven’t been to Denmark.

It got me thinking about how relationships work. There is no one true way. A couple has to find what works for them. My husband hates having to deal with the nitty gritty of money. I love to get my hands deep into it. It works for us. Find what works for you and to hell with what everyone else says.

My career:

Monday is around the corner. That means my exams which means FINALLY FINALLY I am through with this course. Lord I cannot wait! I have gone from not caring whether I pass or fail to “girl you have to pass cause we just don’t do fail”.  I am still to find out if I am to be employed on a permanet basis at my current job ironing clothes. I hate my job, I love earning money at the end of the month. I love the freedom of having just a little bit extra to buy shoes, save some for the house. But I need to get a better job. So with my exams around the corner, I finally relaunched my job hunt. For the record. I ABSOLUTELY HATE HAVING TO LOOK FOR WORK . At 32 I feel and think it is humilating that I still have to be looking for “the right job”. Just this past Friday I was crying about it. Crying tears because a friend said she thinks I have opted to give up. I was hurt and hurt and pissed off. So all I did at work was look at my life and choices and came to the conclusion that I am doing the right thing for me for now and that my plans are on the right track and if that fails.. I get up and try again. But let me tell you this, I am TIRED OF picking myself off my career floor, dusting myself off and trying again. Fuck it all. But I want money. So like I said to Big Al, “new strategy in place…. playing lotto just got added to the mix”. He laughed till he cried. Looked at me and asked me how that is a strategy. I said “i have been doing this career hunt thing for about 7 years and nothing has come up yet.. keep doing same thing and expecting different results = madness. Play lotto = changing strategy doing something new.. watch this space

My break is almost over gotta hit the books.

see ya

Movies

This is an incomprehensive list of my memorable movies and why so:

• The Secretary : very sexy movie very! James Spader who first caught my attention Boston Legal is amazing in it.
• A History of Violence : best sex scene ever on film! Hot

 

and that’s just about it! so yeah.. I got sex on the brain! lol

Let’s talk about sex baby!

I have been wanting to do the post on sex after reading a thread at Mashada that was started by Sanaa (I think she used to have a blog then closed it). The thread was about anal sex.

I laughed, blushed, squirmed, was disgusted, laughed some more, told hubby about the post, we both laughed. I was appalled, freaked out, tickled.. basically it made for good reading and entertainment.

Reading it I drew the conclusion that I am a prude. I could never ever discuss sex the way it was. I will not even give my point  of view on the various sex variations to even my closest friends.

In my world that stuff is for me and hubby to discuss. End of.

anyway.. it as an interesting thread.

What is my take on sex.. none of ya business!

Good night lovely people

Ugly Beauty

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long time but I can’t. I cannot do it justice without hurting people left right and center and much as I would love to let it all out I remember that with freedom comes responsibility.

The post was to be about the person who first told me I was ugly and I believed them. It was to be about how the things said to us as young people shape our lives.

I don’t know how I was aware of it or how it came into my sphere of knowledge but from about 7 years of age I knew I was ugly. Ok so maybe ugly is harsh but all the same I knew I was not pretty like other girls. I had serious buck teeth. I still have a large overbite but not as bad thanks to my mother and my dentist of many years. (I never did the railwaytrack things, we couldn’t afford them)

Perhaps it was in standard 1 when the “Urembo squad” girls teamed up and left me and Z out of the group. We were the only two girls not included in a “squad”. There was the rich girls, the pretty girls then there was me and Z. Or perhaps it was in standard 3 when Mrs T was praising all the girls handwritings and when I quickly jotted something down and asked her how mine was she said it was not as good as Urembo Squad girl no.2. And so it went on throughout primary school. I got acne far before my teens, had blemished teeth due to flourosis, was always the tallest girl in my class. I look back and my heart goes out to the girl me, yet in a strange freakish way, it never bogged me down. I was never depressed but I was needy. I clung to the little morsels of friendship from the Urembo Squad girls. Oh I so badly wanted to belong. But Z stood by me and we were always together. I was mean to a certain girl. Let’s call her D. P had joined my class in standard 5 and had decided to be my friend then comes along D and to me it felt like she was trying to take her away from me.. out came the nastiness. I wasn’t directly nasty to her.. but I was sneaky nasty.  God to be in Standard 5.

  Standard 6 was hellish. For a term or two terms, memory fails me, no one talked to me in class because I somehow managed to piss off Queen Bee. I remember going to school not having a fully equiped set and needing to borrow a protractor from the classmate who sat besides me. She refused to let me use hers, while the maths teacher waited for us all to measure our angles. He then walks over to classmate and takes the protractor from her and gives it to me. She had two. Me begging mum to buy me a set cause no one would lend me stuff. Mum refusing cause she had no money and the set she bought in January was to last the whole year! Standard 6 was one hell of a nightmare. OnlyJ would talk to me and that was after school when she would ring me and tell me how in trouble I was with Queen bee. To this day I remember Queen Bee clearly and wonder what I would say to her if I ever meet her.

Back to being ugly. I accepted I was not good looking and that no boy would be interested in me. So when all the girls were having  boy crushes, I was not bothered because boys did not feature in my dreams. The same attitude carried on to high school. I didn’t go for the prom (social) in form 4 and 6 because I figured that it was better not to go than be benched =not being asked for a dance. I stayed behind with the group of “saved girls” who believed proms were immoral. It was a fucked up mess.. the religiousity of my school.

My first kiss was a nice guy. I let him because he was kenyan and cute and was interested. I knew I was not what he wanted, but I was almost 21 and had never been kissed. Then came this West African dude who wanted me and he was a wanted guy sorta.. but he wanted me and that was just unbelievable.. but I did not want him. He did good for my ego cause he got crushed when I turned him down. It was then that I begun to think that maybe maybe I was not so ugly.. cause if West African guy wanted me.. ..hello.. dude wanted to buy me a mobile phone ..those were the days they cost a fortune. To tell the truth, West African dude kinda signed his own dumpee fate. One day when walking in town he says to me in conversatin “You certainly not the prettiest girl I have seen, you’re ok.. I mean I have seen prettier but you’re ok” and I was thinking “idiot.. you’re trying to get in my pants, the least you could say is that I am the prettiest thing you ever did see.. make me feel wanted” dude signed his fate.

Then between kenyan and West AFrican guy was South African dude. Oh baby! God bless K. God bless that man. For those few weeks he where showered me with his attention he did more for my self worth as a  young woman than anyone could in a hundred years. He was GORGEOUS. He was BEAUTIFUL and he WANTED ME yet he had all these beautiful women around him but for those few days and weeks he wanted me. I knew what he wanted from me and was unable to give it up.. but Lord the man was fine. I heard he still is and guess what he remembers me. K  knows an old friend of mine in passing. They bumped into each other a few years back and he was like “hey you know Mrembo.. how is she” so friend of mine whom I hadn’t spoke to in ages cause she had immigrated called me and was like “what the hell did you do to that man that after all these years he still remembers you”….my ego flew!

Every ugly girl deserves a K in thier lives. The man who will show you that you are desirable that you are woman.

I got lost reminiscing. I got smiles just remembering. I kid you not that man was finer than fine.

and I have completely lost track as to why I started this post. K has me smiling.

I think, that like fine wine I have aged beautifully or maybe I am fine with who I am now. Big Al is responsible for a lot of that. Just the other day we were talking and I was telling him (seriously) how for a long time I thought he would call it quits. I couldn’t quite accept that he wanted me and that he found me attractive. But he did and he does and more than any of those guys I have mentioned he made me feel special from the very first time I met him and that’s how I kinda knew that he was the one!

Good night

Ugly or beautiful we are all people wanting to be desired and when you find the one.. oh the magic!

(you wouldn’t believe that a few hours ago I raised my voice in anger at my husband for the very first time. That’s what love does. He is the one person that can piss me off without even trying.. but I love  and like him still)